livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) My most recent boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year (our anniversary would have been this Friday ) We have been living together since August. He got a job 2 hours away and has to move, and I am moving several hours away to stay with a friend as a last resort (I can't afford this apartment on my own, and I can't go with him because the place is paid for by his job, and he has to live with a co-worker). Anyway, we've been planning all along to be out of the apartment by January 1st (even though his job doesn't start -- so he can't move -- until January 7th). We tried to find someone to sublease the apartment in early-mid December with no luck. Then we went away together for the holidays. When we got back, my landlord informed me that he would be showing 2 people the apartment the next day (Friday the 28th). I was at work the next day, so my boyfriend was here when the people came to see the apartment. When I got off work, I called to ask him how it went, and he said "one of the people seemed really interested, but he needs something right away, and since we're not moving out until the 7th, I think he'll just find something else." I immediately entered panic mode. (MY name is the only name on the lease, and I REALLY need to get out of this apartment, because I simply cannot afford it on my own.) I asked him "WHY did you say that?? We can be out much sooner if he really wants the place. I HAVE to rent this apartment!" and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. He immediately got VERY upset with me, and when I got home we had a huge fight. He accused me of not being up front with him, throwing him out on the streets, etc. etc. It's all a huge mess. He yelled at me about a lot of personal setbacks I've had this year, saying I should have handled everything differently, and just really hitting below the belt. I was so, so hurt and confused. I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, to which he yelled back "well you made that pretty obvious when you just gave me 3 days' notice that I have to move out." :( I was a nervous wreck. I had no idea he would be so upset with me for doing (what seemed to be) the only reasonable thing: trying to sublease the apartment. True, he would have to make other arrangements for the upcoming week, but I really thought he'd been doing that anyway. He had already moved nearly all of his things into storage at this point. Our plan all along was to sublease beginning the 1st. I don't see how any of this was my fault. He fought with me all night Friday and into Saturday, saying horrible things the whole time, while I desperately tried to explain my rationale (to no avail). I know the fights were driven by his stress and frustration, but I have a horrible time with anxiety, and the thought of living like that for another week was too much for me. I talked to the landlord and was told that both the potential tenants said they'd be okay with waiting until the 7th. So, I let my boyfriend know this, thinking it would at least improve his mood.... it didn't. He still stalked around the apartment, ignoring me and slamming doors. On Saturday, sick of being mistreated, I asked him to be out by the 1st. He packed his stuff and left, barely saying a word to me. So now it's been 2 days and not a single word from him. I am so hurt, heartbroken, and upset. We've had our ups and downs but never anything like this. Can someone please tell me what to do, if anything??? I go back and forth from being incredibly angry at him for his behavior, to completely devastated that I may never see or hear from him again. I just can't understand! Edited January 2, 2013 by livy07
Author livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 ... anybody? I feel like I am dying here. I've been having panic attacks since he left. Incredibly upset
Gottabestrong Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I am sorry Sweetie. I don't really know what to tell you other than it sounds like there have been issues for a while and with your bf moving soon there would have been more coming up as well. My advice is to not contact him for a few days, but just try to let at least a week or longer go by to give both of you the chance to calm down a little and think about what happened and what you want. And don't worry, just because you don't contact him for a week he won't forget about you or think that you don't want him anymore. I think you both need some space right now.
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I think you need to try and relax a little, for your own state of mind. Only two days? Of course you will hear from him again! He sounds very stressed out at the moment too. So, just give him time, he will call you.
Author livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Thank you so much for replying, I know I probably sound very silly, but I do love him so much and want us to work things out. We've never been through anything like this before, and it really scares me. Yes, he is very stressed out. Our original plan was for him to find a good job and then we would move together. However, after applying for 60+ jobs and NONE of them working out (despite the fact that he is about to graduate with his master's degree) I think he is feeling a ton of emotions... inadequacy chief among them. Also I think he is upset about my decision to move 9 hours away (though I really don't have any other options at this point). I am hurting so bad for both of us right now. I know I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, but that was only because of all the horrible things he was saying to me I really thought he would come to his senses and work things out.
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Thank you so much for replying, I know I probably sound very silly, but I do love him so much and want us to work things out. We've never been through anything like this before, and it really scares me. Yes, he is very stressed out. Our original plan was for him to find a good job and then we would move together. However, after applying for 60+ jobs and NONE of them working out (despite the fact that he is about to graduate with his master's degree) I think he is feeling a ton of emotions... inadequacy chief among them. Also I think he is upset about my decision to move 9 hours away (though I really don't have any other options at this point). I am hurting so bad for both of us right now. I know I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore, but that was only because of all the horrible things he was saying to me I really thought he would come to his senses and work things out. You dont sound silly And, its just a row at the end of the day, with a load of other stressful factors thrown into the mix. You love him, he loves you, you will be fine, but i do think you both need a little space to gather yourselves. Leave him be for a day or so, and if he still hasnt called, then dont be stubborn imo, you could drop him a text or call, saying you didnt mean what you said, but that he hurt you. But, for now, just make a hot chocolate and watch a nice film or something
Author livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 You dont sound silly And, its just a row at the end of the day, with a load of other stressful factors thrown into the mix. You love him, he loves you, you will be fine, but i do think you both need a little space to gather yourselves. Leave him be for a day or so, and if he still hasnt called, then dont be stubborn imo, you could drop him a text or call, saying you didnt mean what you said, but that he hurt you. But, for now, just make a hot chocolate and watch a nice film or something You have no idea how much this means to me, thank you so much I don't have many good friends here and spent NYE entirely alone (bad weather = everyone cancelled their plans)... I just really needed someone to relate to. So, many thanks!
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 haha, me too, i was alone NYE too. And you are very welcome We are all here to help. But, im sure you and your guy will work this all out x So, for now, feet up, and chill
Author livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Oh.My.GOD. Just went to meet a friend and talk about all of this over tea. We sat right in front of a large window. She listened to me while I spilled everything about the breakup, how painful it is, etc. She kept saying she thought we would be able to work things out, that he was probably just really angry at the time but feels differently now. We were there for an hour or so when all of a sudden HE walks by on the sidewalk outside. (I wish I were kidding!!) So she says "you should just follow him and give him a big hug and tell him you're sorry." So naturally, I do. I ran after him for half a block, called out his name, he turned around and I hugged him. I said "I'm sorry" and he said "what are you doing? I can't do this." And he basically dumped me again, right there on the street. **** MY LIFE. Soooooooooooooo much pain. I am SICK over this!!
fixing Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Yes, that must have hurt you, but i think its good that you said sorry and hugged him. Again, its only been two days since this big fight and break up, you have showed him you are sorry, now, you need to step back, give him space to cool off, and you stay strong, and im sure, he will call you, but, you shouldn't ring him, i feel the ball is now in his court so to speak. Try to stay positive, love doesn't just switch off in a couple of days.
Author livy07 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Thank you but he said things that make me think he is just done with me! He said "that's not how you end an argument, by kicking someone out" and I explained that I was just really upset, I never wanted him to actually leave... I just wanted him to understand how badly his words were hurting me. And he said "well I can't take those words back because I meant most of them." He also said "I don't think we should plan a future together" and "I just can't be with you anymore." I told him I loved him, and he said "I know", and I said "so you don't love me anymore?" and he replied "It's just not the same, and it's time for us to accept that it probably never will be." I am completely crushed. I mean, I guess it's possible that he's still just really mad, but I don't understand how he could be??? I didn't do anything to deserve all of this!
Author livy07 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I should also point out that he is moving away on Saturday (2 hours from here), and I have to move 9 hours away by next week. I asked him if maybe we could just take a break, and he said "And then what? Live together again??? I don't want that." :(
Author livy07 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Woke up in a panic, feel like I can't breathe. Please, someone give me some advice. He is moving away on Saturday. We've been together for a year and he's NEVER acted this way toward me. Do I just ignore and let him leave, without even trying to talk to him again?? I am completely devastated and heartbroken.
fixing Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Hi Livy. Yes, i think you must step back now and give him space. You told him your sorry, and that's enough. Really, i mean a year is a long time. I really don't think he is just going to leave and never look back... But, you must now be strong and wait it out. I mean, if the worst case scenario is that he does not contact you again, then was he really the 'one'? Be strong now. Its only like 3-4 days since a nasty argument and break up which you apoligised for already. Time for you to relax yourself honey. Film? Friends? Do something to take your mind of things now ok? You will be fine x
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