Mgee Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) So I've been dating around now for about 3 months and have found myself in a really hard spot. I am currently dating different but both wonderful girls and one of them dropped a major bomb shell on me over the new years holiday. Let me give you a little back drop on the situation to help you better understand my deli-ma. I started dating a girl ( lets call her Maria ) about a month ago and we clicked pretty well, But she has a son , which is something I've never had to deal with. We both agree that we are just dating, so dating other people at this point is ok. Well in walks in this girl name Mahriah , who I am insanely attracted to both physically and mentally. We go on a few dates and instantly have a connection like no other. This girl is amazing and I started to fall for her hard. Well over the holidays , things started to heat up between us and she said she had something that she needed to tell me. Apparently she has herpes. This scares the crap out of me but, shes such a great girl I don't know what to do. I mean If we were to get married and I caught It, I wouldn't really get to concerned but the fact is I know 99% of relationships don't work out. I'm not sure what to do, Should I continue to date this girl and have a relationship without sex and see if maybe she is "the one" and it wouldn't matter or should I drop all contact with this girl and focus more on the Maria , who's only baggage is her child. I'm just so lost and confused because I was really falling hard for Mahriah and I could really see a future with her , but I'm not so sure being I don't want a gift that keeps giving. What would you do in my situation ? Edited January 2, 2013 by Mgee
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Which herpes ? Also, having sex with both girls at the same time exposes the first girl to herpes without her knowing or wanting it.
Author Mgee Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Which herpes ? Also, having sex with both girls at the same time exposes the first girl to herpes without her knowing or wanting it. Genital and lets be clean I haven't had sex with either girls. 1
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Hmm why having a kid is a 'bomb'? And why didn't you know about it before meeting? Did she lie or it was an omission?
mammasita Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I used to work with a guy who talked about dating/sleeping with a girl that has herpes - he didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. I'd be happy about the fact that she told you up front. If she is someone you want to pursue, do lots of research about herpes and how to protect yourself. Also take into account how she got it. That would be a factor for me. Was she a slut or did she happen to be collateral damage from a cheating boyfriend? I think the bottom line is that people ignorant to the subject and tend to be judgemental. Knowledge is power. 2
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Read again edgy. PS: Congrats on being a confirmed spawn of Satan with 666 posts.
veggirl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You talk like these 2 are the only options in the world. Either the girl who has herpes or the girl that you only kinda spark with who has a kid. personally I'd choose neither. 2
PhoenixRysing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 STDs are a fact of life in this day in age which means we would all do well to educate ourselves a bit more about our risks and the risks we are willing to take for love and the potential "one." To me it sounds like you already know that the woman with the child is someone you are not wild about (the other girl notwithstanding). In which case, especially since she has a child, you should let her go. She can still be a friend, but continuing to see her when you don't really feel that "wow" factor is doing both her and her child a disservice. As to the lady with herpes, you say genital, but that is just location and not strain. You would do well to find out two things. 1. Does she have HSV1 or HSV2? You can have either orally or genitally. 2. What is your own exposure? The CDC estimates that most people by a certain age (I believe I read something like 90% of people by age 50) have at least one of the two viruses and most are not aware of their status. Once you know what she has, you can have a blood test of your own. You may find that you are more compatible than you think. In which case, all of this is a non-issue. If you find or already know that you do not have the virus, then do as mammasita suggests and find out how to protect yourself and what the two of you can do to prevent transmission and then decide what risks you are willing to take. Good luck.
lacoqueta Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 The way I look at it is that we are all looking for someone who is honest, right? This girl knew that she could have kept her mouth shut and just pretend she didn't know she had it in the first place. Instead she chose the correct thing to do and tell you knowing very well that you could reject her, which of course you have the right to do so. She put you first. I think that says a lot about her and how she feels about you. Whatever you decide just let her know. If you need time to think about things, tell her. Don't just disappear on her and leave her wondering. Either way, it would be great if you research the topic yourself. Don't ever rely on what they tell you! 1
Frogwife Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Although this is easier said than done to say don't be worried about genital herpes, but it's really not the worse thing that can happen in life. I'm 44 and I got it when I was 19. Since then, I have been in a 12-year relationship and a five year-year marriage (unprotected sex in both, of course) as well as numerous other shorter relationships (both protected sex and not) and I have never transmitted it to anyone. I can feel the onset of an outbreak and I know to not have sex with my partners until the outbreak has been completely over for a couple of weeks. And whether it's on your mouth or your genitals, herpes is herpes. Maybe it's more acceptable to say you have a "cold sore" but it's the same herpes simplex virus. Having herpes is certainly a drag sometimes - it burns for a day or two, for women you have to have a c-section if you have a child and you have to be vigilant about handwashing so you don't spread it to any other mucous membrane (eyes, for ex), but as someone who's lived with it for over 20 years, it's really an inconvenience at best (ok, except for the c-section part). I had a lot of outbreaks in the beginning and now it's just once a year at most, when I'm really under a lot of stress. Also, from what I understand, it's less likely for women to transmit it to men than vice versa so that's an extra "bonus" for you. I'm not saying a partner who has herpes is ideal and of course, no one says "woo hoo, my partner has herpes!" but good for her for telling you (I told all my long-term and shorter-term partners, which is scary, but none of them ever had a bad reaction to the news, so I was lucky). If she is aware of what her body is doing and avoid sex at that time, that will greatly reduce risk of transmission to you. If I were you, just google some information on 'safe sex with herpes' and it will give you information on best practices to avoid transmitting it. 3
yessy21 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 a child- large % population either has one or is one. Herpes- large % of the population has it. its one of the most common stds. Im going to say something that might bring me backlash. sorry, but these are my opinions. A child is a responsobility. that doesnt mean it is your responsobility. but if you step in... you will eventually grow feelings for the child. if you want to be with this person longterm i say no problem. if you dont..... dont do it. because at the end.. the child will see people come in and out of their lives and it will stay with the child for a long time. it may even factor how his personality will evolve as an adult. Herpes.. isnt such a big deal. seriously.... i dont understand why people are like.... ewwwww herpes. I would understand if she had aids or something like hepatitis... that can ruin your body but herpes is just a blister or cut that forms in your skin if your body is under stress or your immune system is low. just dont have unprotected sex. if you decide after a year or so of dating that this person is who u want to be with ... then make your decision of wether or not you want to risk getting it. Herpes is not really a big big big problem. u wont loose a limb for it.... (No pun intended) lmao
Author Mgee Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 She has HSV2, She says shes been in 3 long term relationships ( shortest was 3 years ) and non of them got it. She got it from her first boyfriend who didn't know he had it.
PhoenixRysing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 She has HSV2, She says shes been in 3 long term relationships ( shortest was 3 years ) and non of them got it. She got it from her first boyfriend who didn't know he had it. Then if you are interested as much as you say you are, I would strongly recommend getting a blood test to see if you have either HSV1 or 2. Even if you don't, there are ways to practice safer sex and to minimize your risk. It is not an easy choice to make if you find you do not have the virus since you are right about the stigma if you don't work out. Regardless of the validity of the stigma (I will reserve my opinions on that) the reality still exists that every relationship you have after the fact will have to start with the same conversation she had with you if she does transmit it to you. That is not an easy thing to take on, but if she is as amazing as you make her sound, you may decide the risk is worth it.
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