irc333 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I am now seeing this new terminology popup....I know what a clinger is....but now it seems people are associating "stages" to them....what do these stages mean?
soccerrprp Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Now we're putting levels to clingyness??? Sheesh. What a waste of time. We all recognize these so-called categories, no need to place levels onto them. More dating BS terminology.
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 When you get to terminologies you know that ****'s serious like ! 1
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 People just make them up really. Stage 1 - Texting too muchStage 2 - Calling too much trying to make it workStage 5 - Showing up at your job crying asking "why dont you love me???"
edgygirl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 People just make them up really. Stage 1 - Texting too muchStage 2 - Calling too much trying to make it workStage 5 - Showing up at your job crying asking "why dont you love me???" I would probably get to stage 10 if there was one. But I control myself
DC4 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 People just make them up really. Stage 1 - Texting too muchStage 2 - Calling too much trying to make it workStage 5 - Showing up at your job crying asking "why dont you love me???" I am a chronic offender of Stage 1, but I do that to everyone-not just dates :/
Maneater Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 this is funny. I've noticed there are way more men that are clingy out there than I thought.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 IMO, a lot of the time, women are accused of being overly needy/clingy , when the real problem is not their so-called "neediness", but the fact that the boyfriend is a douchebag who is not satisfying her (very average/normal) needs, and she loves him too much to leave him. A lot of the time, men use this term "needy"/clingy to gloss over their lazyness in the relationship (and unwillingness to satisfy her needs), and shift the blame onto their partner. It's because they're too selfish and self-absorbed and only want THEIR needs to be satisfied, so whenever the girl demands a bit of attention for a change, she is suddenly termed "needy/clingy." I call bull**** on that. I have never acted like a stalker, and though there are days that I might text a bit too much, there were days that my ex did that too, and yet he never considered HIMSELF needy. Instead, if I called him every day (once), he'd accuse me of acting needy. But he never had issues with calling me every day when he needed an emotional crutch. Sure, there is no denying that there are nutcases/stalkers out there, but that's a different "animal" than the average woman/ man who only is expecting a decent amount of attention and satisfaction of their needs in the relationship.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 A lot of the time, men use this term "needy"/clingy to gloss over their lazyness in the relationship (and unwillingness to satisfy her needs), and shift the blame onto their partner. It's not really a gender thing. It is a blamer thing. What you say can be true, but just as likely, a person who is behaving like a clinger will, often, accuse the recipient of the clinging of not meeting his/ her needs ( which might be a good example of neediness right there), being unresponsive, and thus shift the blame for their OWN clingy / neediness onto their partner. I've rarely known of any clingers in real life that acknowledge that they are smothering, and in many cases they aren't even aware of how they're doing it. All the dozens of threads around here about "why haven't they returned my text, it's been 3 hours"? I bet the person on the receiving end of that is feeling tremendously smothered. I would be.
sweetkiwi Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I think this applies to the beginning of the dating stage. Clingers cling quick.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It's not really a gender thing. It is a blamer thing. What you say can be true, but just as likely, a person who is behaving like a clinger will, often, accuse the recipient of the clinging of not meeting his/ her needs ( which might be a good example of neediness right there), being unresponsive, and thus shift the blame for their OWN clingy / neediness onto their partner. I've rarely known of any clingers in real life that acknowledge that they are smothering, and in many cases they aren't even aware of how they're doing it. All the dozens of threads around here about "why haven't they returned my text, it's been 3 hours"? I bet the person on the receiving end of that is feeling tremendously smothered. I would be. Sure , there are always two sides to the coin, but I see the word clingy/needy thrown around SO much, and it's often not clingy people accusing their partners of not satisfying their needs, because, MOST OF THE TIME, such people are too afraid of losing their partner to begin with, and would not make such accusations / say it explicitly. Instead, far too often, I hear the accusation going in the other direction: lazy people accusing their partners of being too needy, because, well, they just don't want to put in much (or any) effort! There is no denying that sometimes people might feel smothered. I have felt that way with my ex (when he was on a job elsewhere, and kept calling me every day , or when he'd text me all day long and I didn't want to not respond, since then he'd get all paranoid about me giving him the silent treatment). But I never once accused him of being needy/clingy, or think of him that way. We all have our moments. Sure, if it happens 24/7, for months with no end in sight, then in that case, the person obviously has problems, but we all feel smothered every now and then -- it just happens. Doesn't make the person "clingy" or "needy" by nature. And anyway, EVERYONE who wants a relationship is, to one extent or another, needy, otherwise why be in a relationship to begin with, if you can satisfy ALL your needs by being single? I think this term has been overused and abused, so much so that it has lost its meaning. Sure, it accurately describes some cases of stalker/obsessed behaviour, but in most cases, the level of neediness is just "normal"/average, and not something one wouldn't expect satisfaction of, from their partner... WHen terms are abused like this, they lose their meaning/utility. Sadly, this is the case for this term. I really have seen too many men use this as a lame excuse for their lazyness.
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I really have seen too many men use this as a lame excuse for their lazyness. If a woman thinks a man is too "lazy" to meet her needs, he probably doesn't give a crap about her needs. Why on Earth would she be with him? If she's pestering a man who does not give a crap about needs, I would not be surprised at all if she's actually being "needy" and "clingy." Needy and clingy women are about the only ones who would put up with that. Such a relationship should not have even got off the ground. If it somehow solidified into something serious, the people involved might consider couples' counseling - or happily walking away from each other as fast as they can.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) If a woman thinks a man is too "lazy" to meet her needs, he probably doesn't give a crap about her needs. Why on Earth would she be with him? If she's pestering a man who does not give a crap about needs, I would not be surprised at all if she's actually being "needy" and "clingy." Needy and clingy women are about the only ones who would put up with that. Such a relationship should not have even got off the ground. If it somehow solidified into something serious, the people involved might consider couples' counseling - or happily walking away from each other as fast as they can. Because it's NEVER as straightforward as that. Most of those lazy men do enough to keep a woman hooked to them / blow hot and cold. Also, some of these men are quite charming the first couple of months, and once you're hooked , and start falling in love, they pull back and get into lazy mode. Over time, you find your expectations getting lower and lower, because he's mixing his lazyness with constant accusations that you're needy (talk about going on the offensive -- the best defense is offense, as they say!), and at some point, you start questioning yourself / your own behaviour. Narcissists have a way of making you question your own sanity / behaviour. And being in the relationship / being in love, we often don't see some of the things that outsiders (friends, family) might see. I never even noticed that I had lowered my expectations so much. It wasn't because I was clingy. It was because I was in love with him, and when he accused me of being needy/clingy, I thought he was right, that I was being unreasonable in my expectations. It didn't help that I didn't have prior experience in relationships, so I didn't know what I should've expected and what would be "too much." One thing 's for sure -- in retrospect, I wasn't the one being overly demanding / needy. He was a commitment phobe and never wanted a relationship (with me?) in the first place! But I didn't know/see that, especially not at first. He never said anything about not wanting / not being able to do a relationship, and we acted like any normal couple would, doing all the things that normal couples would. Then it started falling apart, because he no longer wanted to put in any effort, once he assumed he had won me over for good.. This is NEVER apparent from day 1, or even the first month. It usually starts when you've already developed intense feelings for your partner, and it's too painful to withdraw, especially when you're not even sure if the problem is YOUR expectations, or HIS response to them... Like I said, staying in a relationship when your needs are not being satisfied, can be explained in many ways, that have nothing to do with neediness/clinginess. In some cases it does stem from that, but in many if not most cases, it does not. Love is not the same as clinginess, and yes, I have shown the ability to walk away, twice, and while I made the mistake of taking him back once, I will not repeat that again. Goes to show that the problem was never from MY end, but from HIS. Edited January 2, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
Eddie Edirol Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I am a chronic offender of Stage 1, but I do that to everyone-not just dates :/ I think 99% of the people that came to this board were at least stage 1 clingers looking for answers.
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