unappreciated Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 So I know this topic has been brought up frequently but every situation is different so hopefully someone will be willing to help me out. My wife and I recently got married but have been together for 9 years. We are both in our twenties and currently have no kids. We have a great relationship and love each other very much. We have never broken up or even talked about it other than one time when we were experiencing some troubles. I am very happy with our relationship in all aspects except for the sex life. It's not really an issue with frequency but more so quality and the overall experience. For several years now, my wife has become less and less interested in sex. In the first few years of the relationship, the sex was great, nothing crazy but it was always pretty exciting. After that, her enthusiasm and general attitude towards sex has dramatically declined. One of the major problems is that she is always just very blah during sex. Foreplay is almost non existent. It consist of her using the vibrator under the sheets until she is warmed up then I finger her for a bit and then straight to doggy. I rarely get any stimulation from her during foreplay, and when I do it's usually very reluctantly. In turn, any stimulation she does give me is not vey stimulating even if its oral. Her attitude, and lack of enthusiasm is such a turn off. Then once we do have sex it is always doggy, and she is rushing me to finish within the first few minutes, which is tough cause I've never been quick. It's really hard to enjoy all aspects of the sex when the primary focus is to just finish. To be blunt, our sex life kinda sucks and foreplay, especially oral, really sucks ( no pun intended). I feel bad saying that but it's the truth. Honestly, it's getting to the point where I am becoming less interested in sex, and do it just to take care of my physical needs. I wouldn't say that I really enjoy it all that much. Now I have read countless articles and such about how to possibly improve things. I have talked to my wife countless times about how I feel, how she feels and what we can do to make improvements. However, even when I tell her exactly how to make a very simple change, it never happens. It's like she just doesn't care about what I have to say or how I feel. I have strongly suggested counseling, both for us together and her individually to help her manage her anxiety issues. Her anxiety issues are what I think are the biggest cause of the issues, and when we talked about it I was very happy and relieved to have at least pin pointed the likely cause of the problem. However, both with couples counseling and her seeking help for her anxiety, I left it up to her to follow through with seeking help. I felt like I have spent a lot of time and effort trying to figure things out and help her determine what was causing the issues, and that asking her to do a simple thing like actually committing to seeking a possible solution was not too much to ask. Well, still nothing has been done about it, and frankly it hurts my feelings and kinda pisses me off cause I have been trying so hard just to have her put it off as if it is not really important. I take this as an example of just how much she hasn't listened to anything I've said about how these issues are affecting me. If she didn't just marry me and if the rest of our relationship wasn't so great I'd say she just doesn't give a crap about me or how I feel at all. Which makes it that much more confusing because she obviously wants to be with me. After doing all the leg work in researching possible causes for her lack of interest, I feel totally lost and exhausted on how to resolve this major issue in our relationship. I just want to feel like she loves me not just get more sex or more crazy sex. I just want her to be affectionate and to feel more connected to her. I can't even get her to talk about sex, fantasies, desires, or anything sex. I have no connection to that side of her. The thing is, I don't even crave the physical aspects of sex or have the desire to find a girl willing to do more and be more sexual, I just want her to... And she is right in front of me but so far out of reach. What else can I do to make her realize how important sex is in a marriage, and how important it is to me. It's getting very hard not to feel bitter when I am always trying my best to treat her like a princess, just to essentially be neglected. I shouldn't have to try so hard, she should want to at least make me feel wanted/appreciated.
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