littleflowerpot Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 i love this guy sooooooooooo damn much. he apologized. he said he didn't think i would ever forgive him and he didn't deserve it. he said he was sorry and ashamed. the last time we spoke on the phone about two months ago i told him i wanted us to say goodbye to each other. i felt i needed that for closure. then we didn't speak again. he emailed once or twice and i emailed back once saying i needed the closure of a goodbye. well, today he told me he didn't think he could say goodbye to me. in fact, today he said all the right things - things that touched my heart. unfortunately, they aren't the RIGHT things. he didn't say "i love you and i'm going to end things with my gf because i want to be with you." he didn't say "i love her too much and although i love you, i have to end things with you and do the right thing." the right things he said to me were just the things that keeps my heart yearning. so although i'm wanting to write back so badly, i know i can't. and my heart feels like it's squeezed into a tiny box the size of a thumbnail. ouch.
DazednConfused Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Flowerpot, you are awesome! Stay strong as I know you are. Keep telling yourself over and over - "I will get through this!" and mean it! You have made the right decision, but you already know that!
Bubbles Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 He's a stupid man for leaving you in the first place! Idiot he is!!! You are young, beautiful and intelligent. When your Prince finally does come along? Oh man! Bubbles
Taken_Angel Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I'm sure you're dealing w/ such torment & for that I extend my deepest sympathies! I must say that it's wonderful of you to be strong enough to realize you shouldn't contact him even though he's made you feel all warm and longing for him again but since he failed to mention he was going to do the right thing it's good you're not going to subject yourself to not getting all of him again. Stay strong no matter how hard it is and in the end when you meet a great single guy you'll realize how much it was worth it! Good luck!
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 wow...thank you all so much. i'm really glad i found this place and it's helped me a lot more than i can say. your words of support are terrific and honestly do help a lot. bubbles, this might sound nitpicky but as a woman you'll probably know what i mean. i left him and not the other way around. i realized how in love i was and i knew there was no possible way it would end well for me or his girlfriend. it's a small difference, i know, but as a woman you probably know it feels a little better to be the one who left instead of the one left behind. *insert sad smilie here* thank you, girlies.
Bubbles Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I understand now. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Then knowing what I know now..........YOU ARE AN EXTREMLY GOOD WOMAN! and I repeat: You are young, beautiful aaaaand intelligent.......you will do well for yourself! I just know it! Bubbles
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles I understand now. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Then knowing what I know now..........YOU ARE AN EXTREMLY GOOD WOMAN! and I repeat: You are young, beautiful aaaaand intelligent.......you will do well for yourself! I just know it! Bubbles thank you but i don't know how good i am. i became intimate with him even though i knew he had a girfriend and it went on for about two years. i feel a lot of guilt but i deserve to. but hopefully i have learned something!
Bubbles Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I'm sure you have learned a lot of things about yourself also. How you deserve to be with someone Exclusively....all to yourself......your own lover......best friend and confidant. We all do some really stupid things before we finally get "the big picture". Bubbles
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 yeah, that's true but right now i don't want to be with anyone else. maybe some time down the road when i don't love him anymore. right now i'm just gonna try to do it on my own for awhile.
Bubbles Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I have been "making it on my own" now for almost 2 years........Yes, yes, I am very proud of myself. This is the first time in my life that I have not saught out another man straight away. I have finally changed my "pattern" If I can do it? Anyone can! Bubbles
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles I have been "making it on my own" now for almost 2 years........Yes, yes, I am very proud of myself. This is the first time in my life that I have not saught out another man straight away. I have finally changed my "pattern" If I can do it? Anyone can! Bubbles good for you! i know what you mean. i have to totally change my pattern too. i was married right out of high school (literally days later) and it lasted a short time and then i remarried. both husbands were abusive. i dated a bit after that before i met my current ex who was my best friend for about two years before we became more intimate. it was really confusing to me because he is so unlike my ex-husbands. he is kind-hearted, sweet-natured, never drinks, has never even smoked a joint. he is more cerebral (a writer and filmmaker) than the men i'm used to. i was used to be the book-smart one and both ex's actually thought it was a bad habit to read as much as i do. go figure. so anyways, this guy was polar opposite from what i had been involved with before. it threw me for a loop. now that i look back and see that even though he was a better kind of man, it still was not a good relationship in that he had someone else. so now i totally have to regroup and figure myself out (i'm in therapy). so yay for both of us, bubbles!
Mr Spock Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I feel for you littleflowerpot. I don't know what I would do in your situation. As is I haven't heard from my first MM since I told him off, in person for contacting me. And you know what? I'm SERIOUSLY thinking about contacting him. Oh am I ever. In fact, I'd like to email him right now-just to ask how he's doing.
Bubbles Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Hooray for both of us! Such intelligent women we are! But......you have proved something to yourself and I hope that you have noticed it. You attracted the (intellectual) kind of man that YOU need in your life. I am finding that out about myself too. I always thought that all I could attract the under-dog, the loser, the loner. Now that I know differnet - I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of m shoulders just knowing that I can attract a "good" man. It's very empowering Bubbles
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 today a mutual friend told me that he cried to him (my friend) about me. said he so regretful he ever hurt me. then he said that if he had met me first, things would have been so different. ouch. that kind of comment only pulls at a chick's heartstrings and for what? for nothing. because it isn't true and thinking about it won't make it true. still won't respond to his email but today it's harder because i have sooooooooooo many freaking questions i wish i could ask.
Girlie Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Stay strong. He may be whining and moaning and crying, but he's not doing anything to change the situation or make it right or whatever, like breaking up with his gf, etc. They whine and piss and moan when they've lost you, but they're not willing to do right to get you back. They want whatever they can't have. Hang in there. You obviously already know you're better off without having to deal with his situation, so I don't have to tell you that. Having unanswered questions does suck, but from what I remember, it feels better than being involved with someone who has someone else.
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 yes, i know. i haven't responded. what i should do is to delete the message but i know there's no way in hell i'm gonna do that.
Bubbles Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 littleflowerpot, You're soft hearted are'nt you! I just know it. I read your thread and your responces and I know that you are probably a very soft person. Just like me. I tend to take for the Under-dog and I usually end up on the wrong end of the stick. I have no doubt that you will keep the letter but might I suggest something? Print the letter off (if it's on your computer) and tuck it away in your memories box. I know you have one! I have "memories" boxes. Bubbles
teclo Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 I admire you so much. I wish I had your strength!
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 Originally posted by Bubbles littleflowerpot, You're soft hearted are'nt you! I just know it. I read your thread and your responces and I know that you are probably a very soft person. Just like me. I tend to take for the Under-dog and I usually end up on the wrong end of the stick. I have no doubt that you will keep the letter but might I suggest something? Print the letter off (if it's on your computer) and tuck it away in your memories box. I know you have one! I have "memories" boxes. Bubbles although a lot of people think i'm a bitch, i'm EXTREMELY soft-hearted and sensitive and sentimental. sometimes foolishly so. actually, that's what drew me to him. we were best friends for two years before it turned into something else but he was/is such a very soft-hearted and sentimental guy. lately though, i've learned that with him it's a bit selective. lol. yes, i do have physical momentos in a box. i've actually gotten rid of some stuff (like photos but don't let me fool you all that much because i scanned them to my computer before i got rid of the photos - lol) but there are some stuff in that box. things like the time he was feeling really down and i told him to shave off that ugly goatee that guys think is so rock 'n roll. i told him he'd feel better if he did that and he actually went to the bathroom that day and shaved it off and put it in a tiny baggie for me. i actually put that tiny bit of hair in a little zipper power puff girl keychain (he said i reminded him of bubbles - i know, how tacky is that?) and took it everywhere i went for years. i have a tee-shirt of his that i wouldn't let him wash and i've never washed it. i used to sleep with it like linus and his blanket. there's other stuff but those are the two most sentimental things i have to remind me of him. i'll never get rid of it even though i know i should. and thank you, teclo, but i really don't feel so strong. i've been weak and broken for a long, long time. right now i feel like an alcoholic going to AA every day to keep my sobriety and i never know if tomorrow i'll start drinking again.
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 bubbles, i wasn't making fun of your name AT ALL. i meant that it was tacky of me to use a little girl keychain and feel like a little girl over this guy.
Bubbles Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 I know you were'nt! Silly girl! No worries! And besides......it's only moimeme who picks on me at Loveshack tee, hee, hee .....but then again she does that to EVERYONE! Bubbles
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 did you name yourself after the power puff girl anyway? 'cause i gotta warn ya that I'M bubbles, miss thang!
Bubbles Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 No I didn't name myself after the Power Puff Girls......although that is cute - I'm way too old for that When my daughter was really little she was playing with my hair. My Mom and I were having tea and she exclaimed "I like your bubbles Mommy!" tee, hee, hee - it's just stuck with me since then. I don't know if you can tell from my avatar...but I have extremely curly hair. Bubbles
Author littleflowerpot Posted August 18, 2004 Author Posted August 18, 2004 lucky. i have extremely straight hair. my name comes from my ex's weird little pet name for me. he's always called me his little flower pot. don't know were that came from but it stuck. maybe i shouldn't have chosen that name for myself here because hopefully one day the ex will hold little emotional power over me anymore. but anyway, i always liked the pet name. i thought it was cute.
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