Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Hi team, Just gave in to the urge to text the ex on her birthday... I know, i know. I shouldnt have. Well I have now and its done. So please spare me the guilt trips as i'm sure many of you know just as well I will be feeling below average as it is. So please, tread lightly. I text her wishing her a happy birthday. She replied with her thanks and mentioned that she was sick in bed. I made chit chat about stuff that would only make sense to us and then she replied and told me to have fun at a concert she knows im going to as i bought us the tickets before we split. i didnt reply. Then she text again saying that a day spent with me would have been nice...and hope u got some holiday time in. This is the nicest thing she's said to me in 2 months. I havent replied and am unsure if i should/how to. I still care about her a lot and ideally would like to reconcile if the opportunity arose for us to do it in a way that would allow for it to be successful. Anyway i guess what im asking is, i feel like thats a opening, shes putting herself out there saying she would have liked to spend time with me...should i reply?
JemJ Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 sounds like she still likes you. if she was a good gf before Id suggest a coffee for a catch up and see how it goes...
Game Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Yes you should reply with something nice and general like "thanks, maybe next time. hope you feel better". But nothing more..don't pour your heart out and don't put yourself out there by offering yourself on a platter which will only make you look vulnerable and make you feel like a fool if she rejects your offer. If she wanted to be with you and really wanted to spend time with you, she would make it her priority to do so. If you want a chance for a successful reconciliation, you should let her come to you rather than prematurely force something that could ultimately destroy any chance that you may have. Don't know how long you guys have been together, how old you are, and how long you have been broken up, but 2 months ain't sh.it. I'd say general rule of thumb is at least 6 months of NC before you see any SHIFT in the way he/she feels about you.
Author Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 We were together about 7-8 months. mid 20's. Im just apprehensive about replying. this is the most i've got from her for months. if i reply i dont want her to think im too eager or what. like what would happen if i didnt reply? would she think im over it? she ended things. she knew exactly how i felt and what i wanted and it wasnt enough... i just dont want to be a doormat or a pushover. im a good dude. she knows that deep down. i didnt deserve the way she treated me and she was lucky to get a happy birthday from me...
Game Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 We were together about 7-8 months. mid 20's. Im just apprehensive about replying. this is the most i've got from her for months. if i reply i dont want her to think im too eager or what. like what would happen if i didnt reply? would she think im over it? she ended things. she knew exactly how i felt and what i wanted and it wasnt enough... i just dont want to be a doormat or a pushover. im a good dude. she knows that deep down. i didnt deserve the way she treated me and she was lucky to get a happy birthday from me... Nothing would happen if you didn't reply..in fact, it may even make her wonder why you didn't reply. No foul, no harm. On the other hand, if you reply with something drastic you could very well push her away. At this point, it's probably clear to her that you are not over her and she definitely knows this. Bc you wanted much more out of the relationship, she could have been feeling overwhelmed and smothered. I have no doubts that you are a good dude, but it does seem to me that you could have been overwhelming her. Just gotta play it cool sometimes, especially in a breakup. You can't act the same way that you did when you were with her. As long as you continue contacting her and waiting for her to acknowledge you, she will continue dropping breadcrumbs and treating you like a doormat. If you feel like she doesn't deserve you, then I would suggest you move on and find a girl that is worthy of your attention. Being in your mid 20's you should have no problems finding another girl, but if it's specifically this girl that you want, then know that you will be fighting an uphill battle, not against her, but against yourself. And in doing so, you could risk becoming the most bitter guy you know for someone that may only bring you temporary happiness.
Author Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Nothing would happen if you didn't reply..in fact, it may even make her wonder why you didn't reply. No foul, no harm. On the other hand, if you reply with something drastic you could very well push her away. At this point, it's probably clear to her that you are not over her and she definitely knows this. Bc you wanted much more out of the relationship, she could have been feeling overwhelmed and smothered. I have no doubts that you are a good dude, but it does seem to me that you could have been overwhelming her. Just gotta play it cool sometimes, especially in a breakup. You can't act the same way that you did when you were with her. As long as you continue contacting her and waiting for her to acknowledge you, she will continue dropping breadcrumbs and treating you like a doormat. If you feel like she doesn't deserve you, then I would suggest you move on and find a girl that is worthy of your attention. Being in your mid 20's you should have no problems finding another girl, but if it's specifically this girl that you want, then know that you will be fighting an uphill battle, not against her, but against yourself. And in doing so, you could risk becoming the most bitter guy you know for someone that may only bring you temporary happiness. this is only the second time i've contact her in the last month and a half. so from what your saying it sounds like i might be better off not replying? i just think that if i dont i may never hear from her again or am missing my shot since she said that...? saying that i dont know how to reply to that...? like u said i dont want to come across drastic or emotional or anything... so either send her some nonchalant reply or nothing at all? i usually would reply to something like that immediately...
Game Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 this is only the second time i've contact her in the last month and a half. so from what your saying it sounds like i might be better off not replying? i just think that if i dont i may never hear from her again or am missing my shot since she said that...? saying that i dont know how to reply to that...? like u said i dont want to come across drastic or emotional or anything... so either send her some nonchalant reply or nothing at all? i usually would reply to something like that immediately... I would reply with something nonchalant just to keep it friendly. After all, no point in being unfriendly unless you never plan on talking to her again. All I'm saying is that, you shouldn't read too much into her replies and analyze what it means or if she is trying to send you a message about some hidden feelings. She could simply just be trying to be nice by saying the things that she said. Has she ever contacted you in the last month and half or do you find that you are doing the contacting? If you are doing the contacting, you should wait and let her contact you first.
Author Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 She hasn't contacted me for awhile. I contacted her before Xmas to say I hope she has a good trip home and today on her bday. With that said... Should I reply or leave it?
fieldsofgold84 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 She hasn't contacted me for awhile. I contacted her before Xmas to say I hope she has a good trip home and today on her bday. With that said... Should I reply or leave it? You liked her enough to remember her birthday and liked her enough to send a text. You're a lucky guy she doesn't think you're stalking her or something and doesn't ask you for NC. If you like her, give yourself a chance and reply. While I hope you don't go all optimistic about getting back together, I think it would do no harm if you reply and be cordial
Game Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Yea sure, reply with something nice, contrite and nonchalant. And do no contact her anymore...that's already twice in a span of a few weeks. Sure it may seem that she is coming around since it is the nicest thing she has sent you in a month and a half, but also think about what it was that got her to come around. Weeks of no contact. Imagine what months will do for her and for yourself. She needs time to heal, the wounds are still there and every time you contact her, the wounds open up a bit again. Until she is fully healed, it will be difficult for her to give you what you are looking for. So if you want a legitimate chance later on and don't want to be dropped into the friend zone, let her come around to you.
Author Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 So I'm thinking if I don't reply... It won't be a bad thing necessarily? It might make her wonder? It's such a flip of the coin. I want to be nice but I don't want to say the wrong thing and come across desperate. So I can either text her back something lame like hey yea maybe next year hope u have a good one. Or just not at all???
Game Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Dude, the fact that you are thinking about this for this long shows me that you are a little obsessive. This could be what pushed her away by her feeling smothered or whatever. Respond in a cool manner, move on to the next thing you gotta do or take care of. Keep yourself busy so you're not constantly obsessing over her. I know it's hard - she's probably the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of before you go to sleep. Somehow no matter what you're doing, your thoughts somehow always drift to her again..you probably think about her several times a day..I know - been there done that myself. Make a conscious effort to keep yourself busy or this shi.t will just eat at you gnawing away like a cancer. Send a contrite message and be done with it. It's a new year, new opportunities, don't get yourself caught up on old sh.it. If you need to, use motivation to psyche yourself out...know that she probably sleeps well at night while your mind is racing thinking about what she's doing or who she's with. F that...life is too short to be worrying about a girl.
soccerrprp Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Hi team, Just gave in to the urge to text the ex on her birthday... I know, i know. I shouldnt have. Well I have now and its done. So please spare me the guilt trips as i'm sure many of you know just as well I will be feeling below average as it is. So please, tread lightly. I text her wishing her a happy birthday. She replied with her thanks and mentioned that she was sick in bed. I made chit chat about stuff that would only make sense to us and then she replied and told me to have fun at a concert she knows im going to as i bought us the tickets before we split. i didnt reply. Then she text again saying that a day spent with me would have been nice...and hope u got some holiday time in. This is the nicest thing she's said to me in 2 months. I havent replied and am unsure if i should/how to. I still care about her a lot and ideally would like to reconcile if the opportunity arose for us to do it in a way that would allow for it to be successful. Anyway i guess what im asking is, i feel like thats a opening, shes putting herself out there saying she would have liked to spend time with me...should i reply? You obviously want to communicate with her and she with you. WHY THE NC/LC games crap?!? So immature!
Author Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Dude, the fact that you are thinking about this for this long shows me that you are a little obsessive. This could be what pushed her away by her feeling smothered or whatever. Respond in a cool manner, move on to the next thing you gotta do or take care of. Keep yourself busy so you're not constantly obsessing over her. I know it's hard - she's probably the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing you think of before you go to sleep. Somehow no matter what you're doing, your thoughts somehow always drift to her again..you probably think about her several times a day..I know - been there done that myself. Make a conscious effort to keep yourself busy or this shi.t will just eat at you gnawing away like a cancer. Send a contrite message and be done with it. It's a new year, new opportunities, don't get yourself caught up on old sh.it. If you need to, use motivation to psyche yourself out...know that she probably sleeps well at night while your mind is racing thinking about what she's doing or who she's with. F that...life is too short to be worrying about a girl. Thanks man. Needed to hear this. I just sent her a maybe next time hope u feel better. I won't contact her again. I mean what she said was nice but your right maybe she just said it and it really means nothing. I don't know. Either way gotta move forward
Author Lone Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Why do u say that she wants to communicate with me? Of course I do. But she left me? I can't be the one to Continue to chase after her? If she wants me or thinks of me in any way then she will contact me right? I've done all I can do. I need to put the focus on myself and try climb my way out of this hole. Dot get me wrong I'd love to hear from her. But whether I will or not I can't say. And I can't wait around in the hope?
soccerrprp Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Lone, She seems to be opening herself up, slightly, to communicating again. Why not do it? If you're that hurt then move on. Don't leave things that are important to chance. I don't know, but i've been blessed over this holiday and it all had to do with being honest and going for it, not matter the consequence. Breaking free of doubt, regret, games...
Author Lone Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Ok so she text me again last nigth asking how i was and then this morning saying shes sick of being strong and acting like she doesnt care and asked if i wanted to catch up this weekend. then she tried calling me and i didnt answer. obviously i want her but it has to be the right way. she left me i cant put all my eggs in one basket because shes feeling lonely or whatever. i dont know if i should say yes or just say maybe another time? or just not reply at all? surely if she really wanted me it wouldnt matter if i replied or not....
Author Lone Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I replied. I said that I was busy and another time. She said she misses her mate and hates having to be strong and distant from me. I said that's its probably the best thing for both of us right now. She replied "yea your right. Loud and clear. Sorry" Do u think that's it? I'll never hear from her again? If she decides she made a mistake she will let me know right?
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Lone, Maybe setting up a time to talk about what lead to the breakup in the first place is crucial here. Look, if you want her then hash out why you broke up in the first place. Let her know that if you get back that you're first order of business is talking about what happened. If she goes for it, good. If not, then you have a better idea that she is really not committed to making things work. No, "let's just hang out" meeting. Get right to business to let her know that you are serious. Good luck.
Author Lone Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 I feel like I can't contact her. Like I need to maintain vigilance. She left me. We both have had the why chat. I guess what I'm asking is is she just lonely looking for validation? No where did she mention anything about getting back together. Just that she misses me a d is over acting strong and like she doesn't care
soccerrprp Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Okay, you should be clearly wary of the validation issue. It's clear you're not in NC, so ask her simply what she wants. PERIOD. Make her respond to that question. If she is noncommittal, tell her that you're moving on. GO FULL NC, but you need to move on!
Author Lone Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Wel like she said she just "misses her mate and hates havin to be so strong and distant that's all" When I said that its probably what's best for both of us. She just replied that I'm right and loud and clear and sorry. What does that mean? Sony think il hear from her again if I just don't say anything back? Surely if she wants anything from me I will?
Eddie Edirol Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) She misses talking to you and having the few things in common, but dont get it wrong, she probably doesnt miss you romantically. She just misses being around you. Probably because she doesnt have alot of company Ill guess. She broke up with you for a reason, if you dont know what the real reason is, dont negotiate a meeting, because you could be setting yourself up for a heartbreak again. Act like youre too busy, and keep distant. Let her chase you. If she regretted her decision.. which she might if she thinks youre moving on before she does...let her come look for you. Dont in initiate any texts. Youre not missing out on any opportunities. I looked at your other posts and didnt really see the real reason that she broke it off with you in the first place. That would help to know if you have a chance. Edited January 5, 2013 by Eddie Edirol
Author Lone Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 She misses talking to you and having the few things in common, but dont get it wrong, she probably doesnt miss you romantically. She just misses being around you. Probably because she doesnt have alot of company Ill guess. She broke up with you for a reason, if you dont know what the real reason is, dont negotiate a meeting, because you could be setting yourself up for a heartbreak again. Act like youre too busy, and keep distant. Let her chase you. If she regretted her decision.. which she might if she thinks youre moving on before she does...let her come look for you. Dont in initiate any texts. Youre not missing out on any opportunities. I looked at your other posts and didnt really see the real reason that she broke it off with you in the first place. That would help to know if you have a chance. Argh I just text her using her missed call as an excuse. I said hey just realised had a misse call from u. What's up? Call now if u want. That was a hour or so ago and no reply. I'm thinking maybe I should text her again and see if she still wants to catch up? I want her back. I finds self second guessing everything I do when it comes to her. I don't want to make the wrong move
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