2013k Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 My boyfriend just asked for "a break" and we are in a long distance relationship. I was wondering if anyone has read the Text Your Ex Back book or any other books on how to rebuild a relationship from a distance. If you have, can you share a summary of what you have read or give me info on where to find free resources on these concepts? I refuse to spend $50+ for a book.
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 When i was separated from my wife, I bought "Make up Dont Break Up"...until I found out she had been cheating. Yesterday, I got a book called "Learning to Live Again" I'll let you know how it works in a few months lol 3
JemJ Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 The only way that works is to agree with the decision to break and go NC for a good few months. Get your life back first and then call once to suggest coffee and let him him take it from there. If he doesnt try to see you again or get back together then go back into NC and accept that you may have to live life without him. if it's meant to be it will be but the suggestion to get back together has to come from him (as he broke with you).
shalisha42 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 My boyfriend just asked for "a break" and we are in a long distance relationship. I was wondering if anyone has read the Text Your Ex Back book or any other books on how to rebuild a relationship from a distance. If you have, can you share a summary of what you have read or give me info on where to find free resources on these concepts? I refuse to spend $50+ for a book. Hi. Free resources are limited in terms of help. I think All The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider would be an excellent book to read - it's cheap - like $7.00 Also, the free information online only gives you half of what you need. Usually, when a break up happens, you need to know what happened in the relationship to make you separate and how to resolve that, how to behave in the future so as not to contribute or cause the same problem and change the way you date and the way you see yourself. you're not going to get that all for free. But I did write an article on my blog about the No Contact Rule which is the very first step you need to take. Here is the url Terrified The No Contact Rule Won't Work? | Win Back My Ex Lover I have some other very helpful articles on there relating to this. If you need more help, I'd be happy to help you.
shalisha42 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Hi. Free resources are limited in terms of help. I think All The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider would be an excellent book to read - it's cheap - like $7.00 Also, the free information online only gives you half of what you need. Usually, when a break up happens, you need to know what happened in the relationship to make you separate and how to resolve that, how to behave in the future so as not to contribute or cause the same problem and change the way you date and the way you see yourself. you're not going to get that all for free. But I did write an article on my blog about the No Contact Rule which is the very first step you need to take. Here is the url Terrified The No Contact Rule Won't Work? | Win Back My Ex Lover I have some other very helpful articles on there relating to this. If you need more help, I'd be happy to help you. BTW, all of the articles on there are free to read.
shalisha42 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 The only way that works is to agree with the decision to break and go NC for a good few months. Get your life back first and then call once to suggest coffee and let him him take it from there. If he doesnt try to see you again or get back together then go back into NC and accept that you may have to live life without him. if it's meant to be it will be but the suggestion to get back together has to come from him (as he broke with you). I'm sorry but I beg to differ. I believe if the man broke up with you - NEVER contact him first. Let him contact you. Do not respond to any of his emails or texts until he specifically says he misses you and wants to talk about the relationship and getting back together. To call him is to pursue him. That's what may have drove him away in the first place. NC is not so that the person who got dumped should call the ex again. NC is to give the dumpee a chance to detach from the situation begin to heal and focus on her own life. NC is also so that the dumpee doesn't lose her dignity! 5
shalisha42 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 My boyfriend just asked for "a break" and we are in a long distance relationship. I was wondering if anyone has read the Text Your Ex Back book or any other books on how to rebuild a relationship from a distance. If you have, can you share a summary of what you have read or give me info on where to find free resources on these concepts? I refuse to spend $50+ for a book. I also have a free copy of the Magic of Making Up - which I don't think is so good, but if you PM me, I'll be happy to send it to you along with other free stuff I have. Remember, all the articles on my site are free and deal with break ups and getting the ex back. Some of the ebooks out there aren't that great.
movingon12 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 My boyfriend just asked for "a break" and we are in a long distance relationship. I was wondering if anyone has read the Text Your Ex Back book or any other books on how to rebuild a relationship from a distance. If you have, can you share a summary of what you have read or give me info on where to find free resources on these concepts? I refuse to spend $50+ for a book. Someone asked this question a few weeks ago and someone responded with a breakdown of the technique. FWIR basically it's designed for getting back exes who want to come back and need a nudge. If your ex doesn't want to come back, it won't help.
KatZee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Yeah, don't waste your money. Those programs are practically worthless and all the information you will ever get from those, you can find here... plus a million other helpful things. Most people on here are super knowledgeable and supportive. "Text Your Ex Back" is basically only going to work if your ex wants to come back--- someone already said this. If your ex is done with you, doesn't want to date you... then it's never going to help, even if you follow the steps to a T. If you're newly broken up with, just remain NC. If a guy is going to regret his decision to break up, it'll happen around the 6 week mark. Patience is key, but DON'T contact him at all. Don't ask questions, don't ask for closure, don't try to be his friend, just go away. He needs to experience life without you in it. But honestly, if you guys are long distance anyway, he knows what it's like not having you around... and now he wants you even further. Don't play any silly games. NC. And post on the boards. It'll get better soon. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Yeah, don't waste your money. Those programs are practically worthless and all the information you will ever get from those, you can find here... plus a million other helpful things. Most people on here are super knowledgeable and supportive. "Text Your Ex Back" is basically only going to work if your ex wants to come back--- someone already said this. If your ex is done with you, doesn't want to date you... then it's never going to help, even if you follow the steps to a T. If you're newly broken up with, just remain NC. If a guy is going to regret his decision to break up, it'll happen around the 6 week mark. Patience is key, but DON'T contact him at all. Don't ask questions, don't ask for closure, don't try to be his friend, just go away. He needs to experience life without you in it. But honestly, if you guys are long distance anyway, he knows what it's like not having you around... and now he wants you even further. Don't play any silly games. NC. And post on the boards. It'll get better soon. Why does it take 6 weeks to regret a decision to break up?
Author 2013k Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the info. I sent him a closure email on NYE that said this: "Hi xxxxx- I tried to call you last night, but then I realized it was kind of late where you are so I hope I didn't disturb your sleep. Anyway, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I wanted to let you know that I think you were right about us and I now understand and agree with your decision to call things off. I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but I want you to know that I will still look on 2012 as a happy, exciting and inspiring year. In fact, 2013 is already starting to look like a good one for me, with lots of good news and plans on the horizon. I'd love to fill you in on everything going on in my world right now, but I know we still need some space. Have a wonderful night tonight and a very happy new year! -xxxx" The next day he responded with this: "Happy New Year! I hope you had fun last night. I'm sorry I've been quiet, I did get your message. Thanks for the warm wishes for 2013, same to you! I sent you a Christmas present that may have gotten to XXXX by now, not sure if you got it....Selfishly I was sad to hear that you think I was right and you agreed with my decision. I do miss you and think of you. I hope you're doing well, and if you want to have a phone conversation, I'd be willing to do it in a few days. Happy New Year!" I told myself to go back on NC, so I didn't respond to his message. But maybe some of you would have some advice on how I should respond? Prior to this message he sent me one on Christmas day to wish me Merry Christmas, tell me how inspiring and wonderful I have been, and then he ended the note with "miss you." I feel that he truly has some lingering feelings, but when he ended the relationship on December 19, he said it was because he just wasn't sure how he felt about me and was not sure if we had the same chemistry we had when we met. Anyway, he lives far away so most of our communication has been through email, gchat, text and Skype. I've read tons on how to get back together with someone who lives in your own city, but I want a little more guidance on how to rebuild our relationship while we don't have the ability to see one another in person. Any thoughts/advice would be great! *Also, KatZee, while we were long distance, we talked every single day of the relationship and we traveled all over the country together for his job and new job search, and he flew to visit me, as well. Plus, we have several mutual friends that kept our lives a little more intertwined that your typical LDR couple. Edited January 3, 2013 by 2013k
Svet74 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 If you're newly broken up with, just remain NC. If a guy is going to regret his decision to break up, it'll happen around the 6 week mark. Patience is key, but DON'T contact him at all. Don't ask questions, don't ask for closure, don't try to be his friend, just go away. He needs to experience life without you in it. But honestly, if you guys are long distance anyway, he knows what it's like not having you around... and now he wants you even further. Don't play any silly games. NC. And post on the boards. It'll get better soon. yes thats what im going through right now. my ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He asked to be friends maybe to not hurt my feelings. I told him that its best that we dont talk while he is away for the holidays. He respected my request and didnt contact me. I sent him a merry christmas and that was all. not sure if it was a good idea or not but he responded, then asking me a question to which i didnt reply too. I really hope he comes back
NoMoreJerks Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 But honestly, if you guys are long distance anyway, he knows what it's like not having you around... and now he wants you even further. Yeah. Exactly. Well said. At first I thought I could make him miss me by going NC, but now I'm like, haha, he probably is very familiar with that feeling of not having me around, and likes it (especially that he kept asking for space even though he was across the OCEAN!)..... So yeah.. give him all the space in the world, and move on.
KatZee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Why does it take 6 weeks to regret a decision to break up? I read this in a psychology book. Apparently for the first month post split a guy will essentially be fine (if he is the dumper). He will see all these new "opportunities" he'll go out with the boys and have a great time. Guys are also more impulsive with dumping. They will do so after a bad fight, without much thought. So initially they will think "yes I made the right decision" but once single life sets in and the dust settles... around 6-8 weeks... they start to realize the finality of it and will either realize "Yes, I'm better off" or "oh crap what did I do?!"
veggirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Why did you tell him you agree with his decision and understand it if you want him back..? :confused::confused: see now you'll just look flaky and wishy washy if you tell him any different.
Svet74 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 so im guessing if they dont contact you by week 8 take it as he made the right desicion and move on? lol im on week 3 and a half. feels like a year
Svet74 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Why did you tell him you agree with his decision and understand it if you want him back..? :confused::confused: see now you'll just look flaky and wishy washy if you tell him any different. because thats what they dont expect to hear. and most guy want what they think they cant have or lost.. if they know that your there waiting on them, they will take their sweet time looking else where
veggirl Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 because thats what they dont expect to hear. and most guy want what they think they cant have or lost.. if they know that your there waiting on them, they will take their sweet time looking else where She would have been better of saying nothing if she isn't planning on following through with what she said.
KatZee Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 so im guessing if they dont contact you by week 8 take it as he made the right desicion and move on? lol im on week 3 and a half. feels like a year Correct. According to this book anyway. Apparently if an ex doesn't come running back by the 8 week mark, consider them gone (for the time being anyway.) Exes come back all the time at all points, even years down the line.
Svet74 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 well i was in a 2 month relationship.. so i doubt he will come back years down the road. we were still in the honeymoon period. things were just getting serious
Author 2013k Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Mostly because I know that the current relationship we have is, for all intents and purposes, over...but I do still see a future with him down the road. Unfortunately, I think it will take some time apart and a little rebuilding of our foundation to get there. He already lost a bit of my trust by being unsure about our relationship that just ended, so while I do want him back, I think we'll both have to approach it as something fresh and new so that we don't lose interest with one another or take one another for granted. Basically, I was meeting his emotional needs but not keeping things passionate, and he was often trying to be more passionate but not always listening to my emotional needs. While I know I could just walk away, something inside me (and with all of my friends who have met him and who saw us together) feel that we just let some things slip while he was going through his job search, work stress and plans to move back to the US. We got serious very quickly during that stressful time, and while he says he has feelings for me still and misses me, he says he is still not sure about our relationship and needs space to figure things out. He phrased it in a break when we first discussed it, but I felt like it would be best for my own sanity to make it clear that our relationship was over for now. I may have messed up, but the way I see it is that our future would be in an entirely different and new relationship now that we are starting to fall into more settled parts of our lives rather than the fast, rough-and-tumble, middle-of-life cross-continental job-search stress-filled relationship we started out with.
LostOne1 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 I'm sorry but I beg to differ. I believe if the man broke up with you - NEVER contact him first. Let him contact you. Do not respond to any of his emails or texts until he specifically says he misses you and wants to talk about the relationship and getting back together. To call him is to pursue him. That's what may have drove him away in the first place. NC is not so that the person who got dumped should call the ex again. NC is to give the dumpee a chance to detach from the situation begin to heal and focus on her own life. NC is also so that the dumpee doesn't lose her dignity! is this the same if a girl broke up with a guy too? As in generally the dumpee should not make first contact?
LostOne1 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Correct. According to this book anyway. Apparently if an ex doesn't come running back by the 8 week mark, consider them gone (for the time being anyway.) Exes come back all the time at all points, even years down the line. I don't know... I never had an ex come back ever.. though this was the most serious relationship I had 3 yrs.. 1st time I met a girls family.. heck 1st time she introduced a guy to anyone. She was THAT sure of being with me that out of a few other guys in her past.. I was the ONLY one she introduced, took on to a vacation etc.. So I was totally shocked when she BU.. it made no sense. I really doubt she will come back for me. Though I have to say she got dumped before by her ex and he came back running for her while she was with me. But she loved me a lot and would tell him to move on. I think he might have gotten married now though I don't know if he has stopped contacting her. I just know my ex has a HUGE ego.. a REALLY HUGE one. So I can never imagine her ever coming back or checking up on me. Maybe... maybe if she's moved on and wants to see if I'm doing better off without her... maybe. But for the most part I think she's going to try to distance her self to move on. Now that I am at her school too.. don't know what happens if she runs into me. I kinda hope her old feelings run again, so she can feel the pain I used to feel. But I don't think she will come back for me ever. I treated her well for the most part and I was a nice guy. I never cheated or disrespected anyone till after our BU and that only out of anger. If I have a major regret... it is that I never met her closest friends. I think then I would've had someone to talk to my ex. In our case we had no mutual friends.. so no one could help us. And her siblings didn't really give a damn either. Guess they put on a show to care for me when they met me.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 While I've needed advice from everyone on here and I dont have any answers, I think a book giving dates on "when to expect or not expect them back" is kinda playing a very odd game that doesnt seem to have any sort of basis. It's like trying to read peoples minds. So if they come back at 9 weeks, is it a miracle? It's been like 12 weeks for me or something along those lines and she is nowhere near coming back....hell probably farther lol. I've always heard six months too but I never ran back to an ex after that or vise versa. I mean I'm not saying I know more than the book does, it just seems odd to give such numbers ya know?
LostOne1 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 While I've needed advice from everyone on here and I dont have any answers, I think a book giving dates on "when to expect or not expect them back" is kinda playing a very odd game that doesnt seem to have any sort of basis. It's like trying to read peoples minds. So if they come back at 9 weeks, is it a miracle? It's been like 12 weeks for me or something along those lines and she is nowhere near coming back....hell probably farther lol. I've always heard six months too but I never ran back to an ex after that or vise versa. I mean I'm not saying I know more than the book does, it just seems odd to give such numbers ya know? Is that 6 months NC or 6 months apart? LOL Guess that would make a difference too. But I know for sure my ex would do her best to never show she cares.
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