Lostnympho Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Within the last two months me and my husband have only had sex three times. He has been staying up late playing Xbox so I go on to bed. I felt like staying home on NYE and I knew he wanted to go out with his buddies. I told him it was fine and that I would enjoy the alone time. I did. He of course came to bed wasted about 4am. The next morning I had heard about drama at the bar and since he was passed out I checked his phone. Of course he had deleted all texts that occurred past midnight. I went ahead and checked his safari history........ Now I'm not one that cares if a man watches porn or checks out other women, as long as I am getting laid. I of course found numerous website links to dirty pics. I don't believe he cheats but I'm starting to wonder if he pleases himself all the time and its enough for him. What should I do?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 What should I do? Random people on the internet (like me) do not have the answers. Go to the source--Ask your husband directly about not having enough sex. Try not to bring up the snooping, even when he says he has a diminished sex drive. 1
FolderWife Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 3 times is not enough. I'm pretty lucky in that when my husband is being negligent I just flat out tell him and then he has sex with me that day LOL! I initiate sex sometimes too. Do you ever initiate sex? Even if the sex is better when he initiates it, if you initiate it one or two days in a row, he might get the hint and start initiating it himself. Have you spoken to him about this at all? He may not think you are feeling neglected, or he may not realize the degree to which this is upsetting you. A good way too approach it is to avoid being accusatory. Instead of, "Why don't we have sex any more???" I want you to say, "I love having sex with you. I want to have sex with you more often. What do you think?" Then be quiet and see what he says. Toooooooo often we women protect ourselves by pointing to our husband as the bad guy. By saying, "We are not having sex enough" you are indirectly blaming him for disappointing you. When you say, "I wish you would sleep with me instead of watching porn" you are putting the responsibility and blame him. Tell him what YOU feel. "I feel so good when we have sex. I would like to have sex twice a week. What do you think?"
Author Lostnympho Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 He very rarely initiates. I always do, which definitely does not make me feel wanted by him. I have talked to him and it gets better for a month and then goes back to NEVER. I feel like he cares nothing about having sex with me. And if he doesn't care about sex then y would he care if I go out and get it somewhere else?
Casablanca Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 What does he say when you bring up the topic? Has anything about you changed or perhaps him? Has either of you say put on a significant amount of weight since marriage?
Leigh 87 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 He either has a super low sex drive, or he is not that attracted to you. I have a male friend with a low sex drive, it happens! If he looks at porn he obviously masturbates on occassion and is still interested in sex or sexual acts on some level. He prefers to do it online than to do it with you though. This is a very bad sign, sorry. Unless he has a medical reason to explain why he does not want sex with you, then having a low sex drive is the only other thing I can think of that is worth saving the marriage for. Low sex drive and medical issues can be resolves possibly. Unfortunately, there is another option that he would have more sex with the right women, but your simply not a women he wants to have sex with anymore. I know it sounds harsh, but he does not want to have sex with you, and therefore there is either a legit reason, or it is just you and you should move on and find a man who wants you, and let HIM find a women who he is sexually attracted to.
Leigh 87 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 And look, my partner would stay with me if I gained weight, because he is in love with me and super attached... However, he would not be anywhere near as sexually attracted to me. Our sex lives would sufffer. If it was only a little overweight fine, he would still want sex often enough. IF he or I was clinically obese, we would be there for one another, but if neither of us changed our ways, it would not be good to continue long term, with a person your no longer sexually attracted to. It is hard to say really, my partner and I would be together through sickness or health, and obesity is just that; an illness. So I would find it hard to leave him, and would give him ample time and try everything we could, before leaving.
NervisPervis Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I will never understand a man who will not take sex twice a day if offered up. And my wife has gained a lot of weight in our 25 years together. But when the light are out, she's Rhianna and I'm her big...
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