crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Just to be cathartic and get this out my system: She was the first older woman that I dated. I didnt go out seeking it, but it just kind of happened. When we first started dating, I was 31 and she was 49. I am now 36 and she is 53. I can honestly say, I REALLY liked being with an older woman, and would definitely do it again if I have the chance. Here are the things I really liked about her: She had such a profound sense of grace about her...a certain..elegance that I think one only earns with age. She was very sophisticated. she loved the opera as much as I do...loved fine wines and the symphony as much as I do. When that woman dressed up to go to the orchestra, she wore formal ball gowns...and I SWEAR to you guys...I stood there at the door, and dropped the bottle of wine i was carrying. I had NEVER seen a woman look THAT good in my entire life. It was less about how beautiful she was in the dress, and more that she looked like she BELONGED in that dress, if you know what I mean. She was SO elegant and looked so stunning, it LITERALLY took my breath away. I will NEVER forget that feeling...I had never felt it before, and my GOD it was wonderful. We could spend HOURS in a car and never run out of things to say, or conversely, could sit in complete silence and be completely content with each other....with her just occasionally looking at me and smiling at me or squeezing my hand. We loved to dance together. She was one HELL of a salsa dancer..and again: Good GOD she looked sexy doing it. "our song" was my all-time favorite song: I've Got You Under My Skin by Frank Sinatra..and I will never forget the MANY happy hours dancing the foxtrot to that song...dancing around the ballroom exchanging kisses and I love you's and smiles all the way around the floor. It was a beautiful experience. She was just SO much fun to be with. When she smiled, it made the room look like the sun came out from behind the clouds...and her eyes...she had the most gorgeous green eyes. I used to just look in her eyes, and I loved to see that twinkle...that SPARK that told me "This woman loves you so much". I think I will miss that most of all...the look in her eyes every time she said she loved me. The way she poked light-hearted fun at my love of John Wayne, and how I was, as she put it "The most NON-morning person she had ever met in her life" One Christmas, she managed to find the PERFECT gift for me that teased me about both traits at once: A coffee mug with John Wayne on it that said "Don't say its a fine morning or I'll shoot ya." I thought it was GREAT and laughed until I cried it was so perfect. she was very thoughtful. Also, she loved me very, VERY well. She was patient and kind to both me AND my son. She would often read books to him at her house, patiently teaching him how to spell or read words he didn't know, etc. She would have been such a good step-mother to him. We played tennis together all the time, and took lessons together. She had never played against a man before, and was a fast learner. I will never forget her little "victory dance" that she would sometimes pull out whenever she won a point against me....shaking her butt at me in her little tennis skirt while she stuck her tongue out at me and laughed this goofy laugh. And not to be TMI, but the way she would shake her boobs at me unexpectedly and go "its not christmas, but would you do me the honor of unwrapping a couple presents for me anyhow?" in a very overtly flirtatious way..using a sexy, breathy voice...and then she would giggle because she could never do it with a straight face. She saw plenty of flaws with her body...having had 5 kids and all...but to ME...to ME she was absolutely PERFECT. I told her once "You look like one of those marble statues in a museum...like living artwork...so beautiful." and I MEANT it. I wish she could have seen herself through MY eyes for just 5 seconds...see herself the way that *I* saw her...she would have never had another doubt about how beautiful she was EVER again. But most of all...of everything I will miss...I will miss the feeling of being with someone and knowing she loved me...and I loved her. I would do anything...ANYTHING to not have to say goodbye to all of these things...and trust me...I could go on like this for HOURS and still not even come close to listing everything... Goodbye my sweetheart...I will miss you SO very much. Just please remember...I loved you with all my heart. Edited January 2, 2013 by crashvector 3
FailedFirstLove Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Aww don't do that to yourself. Make a list of things that wouldn't work out or some negatives so it reminds you why she broke it off you will miss her more this way. But it's good you can say goodbye to them 1
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Oops...I remember two more things that I loved: We would sing to each other in the car...usually the song would be "More Than Words". I'm a tenor and she's an alto...so both of us could sing it. Often, she would start singing and then I would join in lol. Either way, we'd both always end up holding hands, looking at each other and singing our hearts out to each other. Also, I would play the guitar and sing "Check Yes or No" to her. It ALWAYS made her cry and tell me she loved me. When i proposed, I hired an a cappella group to sing "For the Longest Time" by Billy Joel. I sang the last verse of the song while the group did the rest. Since i've arranged music and written music for my entire life, I had made a special arrangement of the song just for this moment. I practiced with the group for 3 weeks before I proposed. I had it timed so that I kneeled down and opened the ring box right as I sang the words "...and I intend to love you for the longest time" in the last verse. I had never seen her look like that before. She actually kneeled down infront of me and said..."I should be the one kneeling, not you. I would be absolutely honored to be your wife." Ive never put myself out there like that for anyone ever before, but I loved her more than anyone ever before so I felt she was worth it. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 sigh another love shack session ends with the burn behind my eyes again...you....stop it.......((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))).... you are a sweet guy ...i hope she wakes up and smells the john wayne perking......please dont do this to yourself...and to me or ill hit you.............no i wont but i will hug you to death i tell ya..thats worse than a hit from me....i am a boa.....constrictor...:bunny::bunny::bunny: thats what i ate for dinner so watch it.......i am still constricting my meal and might regurgitate it all over your thread.....going green....:sick::sick::sick:..smile right now YOU CRASH SMILE ....ahhh thats better.....................no regurging.deb
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 sigh another love shack session ends with the burn behind my eyes again...you....stop it.......((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))).... you are a sweet guy ...i hope she wakes up and smells the john wayne perking......please dont do this to yourself...and to me or ill hit you.............no i wont but i will hug you to death i tell ya..thats worse than a hit from me....i am a boa.....constrictor...:bunny::bunny::bunny: thats what i ate for dinner so watch it.......i am still constricting my meal and might regurgitate it all over your thread.....going green....:sick::sick::sick:..smile right now YOU CRASH SMILE ....ahhh thats better.....................no regurging.deb Yeah..how the hell can I ever top that proposal?! I was SO proud of myself for that one...she always loved a cappella music...and I loved that song...and it was PERFECT to propose to her with. She thought I was just doing something special for her...but you should have seen the look on her face when I started to sing that last line as I got down on one knee and pulled that box out of my jacket....it was PRICELESS.
OJ loved Nicole Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Aww don't do that to yourself. Make a list of some negatives You're a thread starting machine lol. Looks like you're in for another 3 years in limbo. When my ex left me I started to move on day 1! I was on a mission to sleep with someone as soon as I could. This might not sound healthy but... I knew either 2 weeks/6 months/or 3 years down the road I would HAVE to meet someone else, I would have to ACCEPT that I'm single. I decided day 1 to not waste 2 weeks/6 months/or 3 years of my life pining over someone who didn't want to be with me, someone who "knew" they could do better than me (otherwise she wouldn't have left), someone who had the balls to say to me "it's over, I don't want to be with you".
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 sigh another love shack session ends with the burn behind my eyes again...you....stop it.......((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))).... you are a sweet guy ...i hope she wakes up and smells the john wayne perking......please dont do this to yourself...and to me or ill hit you.............no i wont but i will hug you to death i tell ya..thats worse than a hit from me....i am a boa.....constrictor...:bunny::bunny::bunny: thats what i ate for dinner so watch it.......i am still constricting my meal and might regurgitate it all over your thread.....going green....:sick::sick::sick:..smile right now YOU CRASH SMILE ....ahhh thats better.....................no regurging.deb You really an Aussie?
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 You're a thread starting machine lol. Looks like you're in for another 3 years in limbo. Sorry...I have a LOT on my mind lately When my ex left me I started to move on day 1! I was on a mission to sleep with someone as soon as I could. This might not sound healthy but... I knew either 2 weeks/6 months/or 3 years down the road I would HAVE to meet someone else, I would have to ACCEPT that I'm single. I cant do that. I cant just meet some woman and sleep with her. Sex for me is about more than just getting off. Sometimes I WISH could do what you did...I really do..but I know myself too well. I'd get attatched and go all stupid. I decided day 1 to not waste 2 weeks/6 months/or 3 years of my life pining over someone who didn't want to be with me, someone who "knew" they could do better than me (otherwise she wouldn't have left), someone who had the balls to say to me "it's over, I don't want to be with you". I wish i could heal that way...it would certainly make this easier, but I just don't. Everyone heals in their own way at their own pace. I REALLY wish I could move through this faster, but you have to keep in mind...this was not just some girl I was with for a few months or a year. I was with her for half a decade...and was about to marry her.
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Damn..I cant even watch Star Trek Generations without thinking about her. She looked like Gates McFadden's (Dr. Crusher) twin with blonde hair and bigger boobs. lol
FailedFirstLove Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Sorry...I have a LOT on my mind lately I cant do that. I cant just meet some woman and sleep with her. Sex for me is about more than just getting off. Sometimes I WISH could do what you did...I really do..but I know myself too well. I'd get attatched and go all stupid. I wish i could heal that way...it would certainly make this easier, but I just don't. Everyone heals in their own way at their own pace. I REALLY wish I could move through this faster, but you have to keep in mind...this was not just some girl I was with for a few months or a year. I was with her for half a decade...and was about to marry her. Take your time. Rushing wouldn't be a good idea anyways because it would just be rebounding and you would be hurting an innocent girl that happened to come along. You don't want to her someone else like you got hurt. Take time to accept it and let it soak in
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Take your time. Rushing wouldn't be a good idea anyways because it would just be rebounding and you would be hurting an innocent girl that happened to come along. You don't want to her someone else like you got hurt. Take time to accept it and let it soak in I know. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I made someone else feel that way.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Now list all the things you WON'T miss. My angel is completely right! If u can't think of any.ist things that could potentially have gone wrong. Like maybe financial having so many kids. Or if she pulled out on te wedding or after wedding. Would have been so much worse. or maybe your son wouldn't want to live with them after awhile. The fights that may have occurred cause its a large family
RR1 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Now list all the things you WON'T miss. Ok, i think this is an exercise about positive memories and remembering all the good things about someone. I thought it was really romantic Crashvector and it seems it real shame you couldn't both make it work, i hope she's having positive memories about you. Perhaps you should tell her this, you never know what may come of it when she understands your feelings for her.
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Now list all the things you WON'T miss. The way she expressed her disapproval everytime i would cuss the fact that she's so damned hard-headed...once she makes her mind up about something, you can NOT make her change her mind the way she disapproves of people who are happy living a simple life...who dont NEED fancy things or even a nice house in order to be happy the fact that she was often WAAAY too "type a" and how rare it was for her to "let her hair down" and just be goofy (which is why i always thought it was SO funny when she did) the apparently impossibly high standards she has for keeping her happy. I'm NOT kidding anyone...I could NOT have treated her any better. the sometimes cold-hearted way she approached things...or told me that I was being "too sentimental" about certain things. Well, YEAH...anniversary dates and celebrating valentine's day ON valentine's day actually means something to me. The way she can so easily just walk away from a relationship and show absolutely NO emotion about it (that I know of)....when she KNOWS this has absolutely crushed me. I dont expect her to grovel for forgiveness...but at LEAST treat me with the respect of someone who showed you SO MUCH love over the last 5 years damnit! Dont just break it off and then not say another word to me and act like i should just be able to let you go so easily. The way that three days after she broke things off...she's out taking dance lessons already...something that WE used to do together...like nothing ever happened....while I'm sitting at home practically drowning in tears. Although our dance instructor said he could tell she was hurting badly...how the hell could she even keep her composure?! was I THAT easy to get over?! Was I THAT insignificant? I saved your LIFE once......show some humanity for God's sake. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You really an Aussie? cant you tell by my accent????oh thats right you cant hear it.;0)...why do you doubt i am an aussie....aussie through and through here...sand and beach attached...do i not talk like an aussie.....do i need to go cooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee gday mate how the heck r ya..... my kangaroo is busy mating so i wont be able to take a pic he is a bit indisposed....kangaroos are big on reproduction.......still doubt i am an aussie............deb
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 cant you tell by my accent????oh thats right you cant hear it.;0)...why do you doubt i am an aussie....aussie through and through here...sand and beach attached...do i not talk like an aussie.....do i need to go cooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee gday mate how the heck r ya..... my kangaroo is busy mating so i wont be able to take a pic he is a bit indisposed....kangaroos are big on reproduction.......still doubt i am an aussie............deb aussie aussie aussie! 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 aussie aussie aussie! Oi oi oi ! Lols aus all the way <3 1
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Oi oi oi ! Lols aus all the way <3 I'm no aussie...I'm a Cajun...but I'm a world-wise Cajun. lol Besides, my all-time favorite band was from there Years ago, I dated girl from Australia. She was HILARIOUS. I'll never forget the one time she said "Tonight, you're going to have to tie me up. We aussies are all prisoners at heart, and it makes me feel at home to be tied to the bed." LMAO!!! Edited January 2, 2013 by crashvector 1
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm no aussie...I'm a Cajun...but I'm a world-wise Cajun. lol Besides, my all-time favorite band was from there spill your guts cajun:), dont go bayou on me now........favorite aussie band is????? say inxs, mental as anything?????
RR1 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 The way she expressed her disapproval everytime i would cuss the fact that she's so damned hard-headed...once she makes her mind up about something, you can NOT make her change her mind the way she disapproves of people who are happy living a simple life...who dont NEED fancy things or even a nice house in order to be happy the fact that she was often WAAAY too "type a" and how rare it was for her to "let her hair down" and just be goofy (which is why i always thought it was SO funny when she did) the apparently impossibly high standards she has for keeping her happy. I'm NOT kidding anyone...I could NOT have treated her any better. the sometimes cold-hearted way she approached things...or told me that I was being "too sentimental" about certain things. Well, YEAH...anniversary dates and celebrating valentine's day ON valentine's day actually means something to me. The way she can so easily just walk away from a relationship and show absolutely NO emotion about it (that I know of)....when she KNOWS this has absolutely crushed me. I dont expect her to grovel for forgiveness...but at LEAST treat me with the respect of someone who showed you SO MUCH love over the last 5 years damnit! Dont just break it off and then not say another word to me and act like i should just be able to let you go so easily. The way that three days after she broke things off...she's out taking dance lessons already...something that WE used to do together...like nothing ever happened....while I'm sitting at home practically drowning in tears. Although our dance instructor said he could tell she was hurting badly...how the hell could she even keep her composure?! was I THAT easy to get over?! Was I THAT insignificant? I saved your LIFE once......show some humanity for God's sake. Yeah i see your point but all i would say is people express emotions and feelins in different ways. They also deal with major trauma in very different ways. When my mum died very suddenly i never cried once, i didn't cry at the funeral, i didn't cry in the months after it, i didn't barely think about it. At the time i put this down to the fact that we had never enjoyed a close relationship when i was growing up, we barely enjoyed any sort of relationship at all, sure we had contact sometimes but when i became an adult we went through a period where i don't think we talked for about three years. This was until about five years before she died when out of nowhere we seemed to manage to get to know each like we had never had before, we never displayed any signs of affection at all but we did manage to create a bond that i never thought would be there. So it was a big shock but also a major truama when she died very suddenly so i did think about why i never cried but just assumed it was because of our difficult relationship over the years. Then about a year and a bit after she died i just sat there thinking about it and suddenly out of nowhere cried my eyes out for pretty much the entire day, i then went through a several month period where every day i had to take myself off somewhere to be alone so i could breakdown a cry for a bit. Sometimes i would do it for ten minutes and then other times for an hour or more, clearly i was mourning but somehow without me consciously realising it i had managed to repress the emotions for a year or more. They came out eventually, maybe i just lost the ability to hold it in any longer. So, just bear in mind that just because she isn't letting it all out doesn't mean she isn't feeling it.
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 spill your guts cajun:), dont go bayou on me now........favorite aussie band is????? say inxs, mental as anything????? AC/DC I was a classical piano player since I was 9 years old. I composed and arranged my first 3 movement symphony when I was 11. Learned the violin by the time I was 13. I heard my first AC/DC song when I was 15 and never looked back. If it wasn't for AC/DC, I never would have learned how to play the guitar lol.
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 AC/DC I was a classical piano player since I was 9 years old. I composed and arranged my first 3 movement symphony when I was 11. Learned the violin by the time I was 13. I heard my first AC/DC song when I was 15 and never looked back. If it wasn't for AC/DC, I never would have learned how to play the guitar lol. ahhh back in black eh???? I cant play musical instruments, i suck at the recorder and by the way i hate the recorder, i don't think there is an instrument more disgustingly not ear friendly than the recorder.....i do have a pretty good ear for music that i haven't killed with amplifying headset...i used to dj .......but i have always loved music....music is a universal language....i appreciate people who appreciate music.......so kudos buddy.....i cant read music i just appreciate all kinds......music holds dreams of mine...in lyrics....and yes i can write lyrics...just cant play for crap....;0)..deb
FailedFirstLove Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Go back to playing the guitar!!! do what you like. Pck up the hobbies u like. I really wish I had one right now. I want to e more productive
Author crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Go back to playing the guitar!!! do what you like. Pck up the hobbies u like. I really wish I had one right now. I want to e more productive I have too many hobbies to list to be honest. My friends joke with me and say I must have a touch of ADHD or something. I just think its more like the fact that i am naturally very curious, and if something seems interesting, i want to know more about it. My ex-fiance had a piano at her house...used to play it ALL the time...I even wrote a few songs for her on it. Gonna miss that too bc I dont have one at my place. I've been in love with the piano since I was a kid. But I DO have my guitars. I learned to play "Linus and Lucy" and George Winston's "Variations on the Canon in C" for Christmas at her house just for her
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