crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Mostly cut-and-pasted from another post I made because it made me think... Was everything I did for this woman...pointless? Does all my work for her now not stand for anything at all? I'm still spending most of my day in tears. I'm dealing with the loss of SIX people that I deeply loved...one of whom I was getting ready to marry in less than 5 months and had visions of living the REST OF MY LIFE with her happily ever after. She was my heart...my ANGEL. She was the woman I was SO devoted to that I was taking 18 hours of college classes AND working 40 hours a week to make SURE that we would have a GOOD life together with her kids and my son. I did this for the last four YEARS of my LIFE....for HER. I feel like it was all for nothing...like all my hard work...the HUNDREDS of sleepless nights...all the work I did..gone. On the weeks I didn't have my son.....I would drive to her house as soon as my last class was over...from where I went to university more than an hour away. I would stop at the grocery store and get things to make dinner. I have a culinary degree because I loved to cook, but I ONLY used it with her because she appreciated it and could see the skill and love I put into EVERY plate of food I ever made for her. As a side note, I have a blog where I used to post my recipes and pictures of the meals I had made her, and it got 5,000+ hits a week just from people gawking at the plates of food, leaving comments like "Holy hell..." and "I dont think i could even EAT that...it looks like ART." All...because I love her SO much. My seared sea scallops over a bed of slightly wilted baby spinach with a mango/jalapeno/tomatillo aioli was to die for, btw I made sure that woman had a hot meal that was beautifully arranged and skillfully prepared every day she came home from work...because she works hard and sometimes came home at 730 or 8 at night...and I felt she DESERVED to have a hot meal ready for her. I'm not talking meat and potatoes kind of stuff here....I'm talking 5-star quality stuff that you would pay $40-$50 an entree for at a good restraurant. She was from Alaska, and told me that my lavender salmon was the absolute best salmon dish she had ever had in her entire life. Her parents told me the same thing when they came down to give me their blessing to marry their daughter. Ahyhow, then, i would do my work for school and we would enjoy a glass of sauvignon blanc from New Zealand before we went off to bed and fell asleep with her in my arms. I worked HARD to make our relationship happy....and would've worked even harder to make our marriage work and be a place of solace. I'm a very devoted man. Once I make a commitment to someone or something, I NEVER forget it until I have fulfilled my obligation. I want people to absolutely know they can count on me to be a man of my word. When i committed myself to marrying this woman...i erased ALL doubts in my head that we would not work. Leaving her at that point was no longer an option, and whatever troubles we faced would have to be worked out...leaving the relationship wasn't even on the table at that point for me. I want someone who is that committed to ME, too...and I THOUGHT it was her. My God...how I wish it could have been her.... For example, I had to go back and edit this post three times because I kept finding misspelled words because I cried the entire time I was writing it....I just want my sweetheart back for God's sake....I LOVED her. Edited January 2, 2013 by crashvector
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