Gingerxr2 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Wow I really don't know how to start this , basically me and my girlfriend split up after a 5 year relationship , and I'll be honest I'm heartbroken and struggling to move on , my mind is like a self punishing time bomb ! I can't stop thinking about her ?! , deep down I know it's the best thing us splitting up as it was an unhealthy relationship , I'm not going to sit here and slag her off , but lets just say she's a nasty piece ! I was cheated in once before and it took me a long time to let her in , and got the normal "I promise I won't hurt you " and guess what ? But for some reason she's turned everything round on me , changed her number , blocked me on Facebook , changed her email , everything , even changed her dogs hair dresser ? I know that sounds strange but I use the same dog hair dresser ! I know she's using the N/C rule and I need to respect that but I can't move on like her and I guess what I'm asking is how do I move on ? I'm sick of being lonely , empty and betrayed ! I worry and bumping into her or seeing her on the way home , or worse passing her with another bloke in her car ,my sadness goes through stages , like today I'm an emotional wreck , questioning how she can just move in with her life while I'm sat here on a a website asking for help ? And wondering why me ? Why do I always let women treat me like this ? Why can't I be like all these blokes I hear about , treat them like crap and have women flocking to them ?
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Today is a better day for me , I woke up after a better night sleep , and although I'm still thinking about her , I realise that It's 2013 and it's time to make positive steps , if baby ones , I spoke to god last night and said sorry for and hurt that I caused that I forgive her for all the hurt , emotional betrayal and heartbreak she had caused , I wished her luck on the road that she has chosen and strength to find her true love, I'm quite upset writing this as its harder seeing it in black and white , that I'm leering go of someone that's been such a large part of my life , living with someone and having a life together Is hard to let go of and a pain I will never forget .
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Five days ago, my fiance ended our five year long relationship, so I know how you feel. To make it worse, she broke up with me after a fight that shouldn't have even BEEN a fight, because what I was REALLY doing was hiding a special surprise for her...dinner reservations at her very favorite restaurant. Anyhow...although my ex fiance hasn't changed her number or email and such, when I tried to explain to her what was really happening, she pretty much told me she wasn't interested in hearing anything from me, so I haven't even had the chance to tell her what was up...PLUS I wasted $150 on reservations on top of that (it was a 5-star restaurant, and just to get reservations costs $75 a person). I know how it feels to be suddenly COMPLETELY ignored by the person who, until just a little while ago, was the center of your world. It REALLY sucks. The process is hard...basically, you have to pretend they died and aren't coming back anymore....because the truth is...they AREN'T. Look, you aren't gonna get the chance to tell HER how you feel, so you probably did the right thing...making it right in your own mind. Now, you just need to get out the house and get on with your life.
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Oh, and there's NO shame in asking for help here. yeah, I'm asking myself all the same questions: how come its so easy for HER to move on...we were gonna be MARRIED in less than 5 months for Christ's sake, etc. I'm actually AFRAID to go to sleep, because I know I'll dream about her. I finally fell asleep after being awake for almost two days, and when I did, I sorta woke up, but was still mostly sleeping...I reached across the bed to put my arms around her like i always do...and when i didn't feel her there, I panicked. Then...I realized she was gone, and would NEVER be back in my bed ever again..and I absolutely fell apart. I used to cherish holding her while she slept...waking up early and making her coffee, etc. All that gone. so at the very least...I hope it makes you feel just a TINY bit better to know that you aren't hurting all alone at the moment. Edited January 2, 2013 by crashvector
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Five days ago, my fiance ended our five year long relationship, so I know how you feel. To make it worse, she broke up with me after a fight that shouldn't have even BEEN a fight, because what I was REALLY doing was hiding a special surprise for her...dinner reservations at her very favorite restaurant. Anyhow...although my ex fiance hasn't changed her number or email and such, when I tried to explain to her what was really happening, she pretty much told me she wasn't interested in hearing anything from me, so I haven't even had the chance to tell her what was up...PLUS I wasted $150 on reservations on top of that (it was a 5-star restaurant, and just to get reservations costs $75 a person). I know how it feels to be suddenly COMPLETELY ignored by the person who, until just a little while ago, was the center of your world. It REALLY sucks. The process is hard...basically, you have to pretend they died and aren't coming back anymore....because the truth is...they AREN'T. Look, you aren't gonna get the chance to tell HER how you feel, so you probably did the right thing...making it right in your own mind. Now, you just need to get out the house and get on with your life. To be honest I'm in the same boat , I spent a fair bit on a ring to ask her to marry me at Xmas , the long and short of it she went out with another bloke till 3am came home drunk , then there was some inappropriate comments in her Facebook then when I confronted her about it , I was was being mental ? Then 2 weeks passed and her friend came round before they went out she asked my ex if her new crush was going to be meeting them ? That's where it went wrong , I texted her a couple if hours later to ask what was going on and she ignored me , I left for work early the next day and phoned her asking who he was etc ? And all I got was your mental !! Then when I returned home her and her parents was waiting ! I was told to leave the house and never return , and that's the last time she spoke to me ! No reason nothing , I question myself and wonder if I overreacted ? But I can't change anything only myself !
soccerrprp Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 ginger, there were no signs that things were going in the wrong direction? you were about to propose to her?
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 ginger, there were no signs that things were going in the wrong direction? you were about to propose to her? at least he wasn't engaged for the past f-ing YEAR first. I got my fiance a badass engagement ring, and the proposal was like stuff you see in the movies. I hired an a cappella group to sing "for the longest time" by billy joel. For the suprise, *I* sang the last verse with the group doing the background stuff, and right as I sang the line "...and I intend to love you for the longest time" I got down on one knee and opened the ring box. damn thing costs me over $5K.....just so I can get dumped a year later. women....y'all are some CRAZY creatures... 2
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 We had the odd argument , but nothing mega , I think that's why it's such a shock ,
coltsfan1 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 This girl has no respect for you... as I read your posts I thought what a gutless slag!!! She cheats, lies, and has her mommy & daddy kick you out, what a piece of work. This girls was cheating no doubt!!! An engaged woman that has a crush will generally keep it to herself. Humans will have feelings for other humans that's life, its when they get acted upon that's things go south. Her blaming you is just her way to justifying it as well as blame shifting to you, long as she can keep you convinced its your fault she will be able to look herself in the mirror. I went through a similar situation 2 years ago, I ran not walked in the other direction. Not saying the break up as well as the measures I took to keep her away from me didn't almost rip me apart from in inside out cause it almost did. But after some real time has past like over a year I will bet dime to a dollar you will see her in a different light. 1
Divasu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 To be honest I'm in the same boat , I spent a fair bit on a ring to ask her to marry me at Xmas , the long and short of it she went out with another bloke till 3am came home drunk , then there was some inappropriate comments in her Facebook then when I confronted her about it , I was was being mental ? Then 2 weeks passed and her friend came round before they went out she asked my ex if her new crush was going to be meeting them ? That's where it went wrong , I texted her a couple if hours later to ask what was going on and she ignored me , I left for work early the next day and phoned her asking who he was etc ? And all I got was your mental !! Then when I returned home her and her parents was waiting ! I was told to leave the house and never return , and that's the last time she spoke to me ! No reason nothing , I question myself and wonder if I overreacted ? But I can't change anything only myself ! I think your reaction would only be considered 'mental' on your part, IF you had a history of mistrusting her and accusing her unfounded. Is the above why you broke up, was it this ONE isolated instance? Is it possible that she was cheating? I ask this because women typically do not end a relationship that long, overnight. Taking my mother's divorce for example (she was married to my father for 15 years) but the reasons sited were: my dad did not appreciate her, lack of attention (emotional support, etc), my dad took her for granted. It's hard when there isn't any 'closure'. I found a few articles, though small in comparison to what you are going through, I hope you can find some inner peace: Why Women Leave | Family Tips | HCCUA.ORG Magic Of Making Up - Reasons Why Men And Women End Relationships - Why Relationships Fail - Zimbio
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I think your reaction would only be considered 'mental' on your part, IF you had a history of mistrusting her and accusing her unfounded. Is the above why you broke up, was it this ONE isolated instance? Is it possible that she was cheating? I ask this because women typically do not end a relationship that long, overnight. Taking my mother's divorce for example (she was married to my father for 15 years) but the reasons sited were: my dad did not appreciate her, lack of attention (emotional support, etc), my dad took her for granted. It's hard when there isn't any 'closure'. I found a few articles, though small in comparison to what you are going through, I hope you can find some inner peace: Why Women Leave | Family Tips | HCCUA.ORG Magic Of Making Up - Reasons Why Men And Women End Relationships - Why Relationships Fail - Zimbio True , but I look at that and think its never one sided , and if it was lack of attention or taking her for granted why not say that before now ? And I guess she was getting the attention else where , but it doesn't stop it hurting any less !
triggerx51 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I am in the same boat, broke up after 6 years, 3 of which we lived together. The first week I was dead inside, cried a bunch of times, felt sorry for myself and thought I cant attract another woman again. I put myself out there again and now dating 3 very nice ladies. My point is stop feeling sorry for yourself, the best remedy is having one woman on each arm. The fact that i moved on so fast has put my ex in a tailspin where she wants me back. funny when i was crying the week before she seemed like she was enjoying or releshing it. 1
Mcnulty Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You've been shat on from a great height here mate. Must be a nightmare at the mo. She's a complete bitch, stuff analyzing, sometimes I will say the first thing...a grade a cowardly little twat! Getting her parents to back her up kicking you out?? FFS, cowardly isn't the full description! You're well shot of her and her daft parents if they're gonna stand by and let their wee princess slut about and call you the mental one! I want my opinion of women to grow, it aint very good at the mo and i'm not even heartbroken anymore...I dunno anymore. 1
LostOne1 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I am in the same boat, broke up after 6 years, 3 of which we lived together. The first week I was dead inside, cried a bunch of times, felt sorry for myself and thought I cant attract another woman again. I put myself out there again and now dating 3 very nice ladies. My point is stop feeling sorry for yourself, the best remedy is having one woman on each arm. The fact that i moved on so fast has put my ex in a tailspin where she wants me back. funny when i was crying the week before she seemed like she was enjoying or releshing it. I was thinking the same... I cried with my ex and I REALLY think she either liked it. Or she just felt bad in the sense that she knew I was gonna hurt and she was okay with it. She always said don't cry when I get back we will talk. It never happened. But I think your right.. it's when we move on is when they hurt the most. They think by leaving us we will hurt and just fall apart without them. They like knowing that, but when they see us happy and doing well. It hurts them to think maybe they messed up or they just want to know what they gave up was not worth it. So they see us doing well and feel like we should be miserable. The difference with me is my ex has gone NC with me as well. Which is good, as it allows me to heal too. But I think part of me whats her to know I still am kicking around and I didn't fall apart without her. I mean I made some new goals and I have changed quite a bit. I guess I've grown up a bit and it would be nice to know she sees that now wether it hurts her or not.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I look at myself as a bird with a broken wing , it hurts really bad and trying to fly wouldn't happen so I have to give myself time to heal. And when I'm healed I can fly again ! It's just getting to that stage that's the hard part.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Today I woke up feeling quite positive , I start work again after a week off and feel it will be good to get some structure back in my life , the hard part comes in the 23rd as this is her birthday , we were ment to be going on holiday together as we have done for the last five years , and this time in know she's going with her new friends and not me . She's out there enjoying her life happy and I'm miserable , depressed , and made myself look stupid by trying to contact her to the extent I guess she deleted everything so I couldn't , ni guess I made myself look mental , when infact I thought, this time she will message me back because she misses me ? It's depressing when she didn't . It's the bitter pill I have to swallow that's hurting so much , that it's over, I'm not part of her life , It's harder to listen to people say don't worry , you'll get over it!! Doesn't seem that way !
Mcnulty Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It's crap mate, I know. I'm not going to say you'll get over it. What will happen is you're going to feel like **** for a good while probably...accept and face that part..the good part is old father time and patience are the key. if you can embrace these 2 things it'll make it a little easier to get up and walk everyday. Eventually, when your heart and mind are ready, the thoughts, the pain and the feeling of being knifed in the stomach will dullen and not hurt as much anymore...patience and time I'm afraid. Think of every day from now as a day of new experiences that help to build your bridge from the side of the river that hurts you, to the side of the river that will give you inner peace and acceptance. You wont build it in a day, but you will build it eventually..we all do, sub-consciously by just living and fighting through the days and the pain...you'll get there, trust me.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 It's crap mate, I know. I'm not going to say you'll get over it. What will happen is you're going to feel like **** for a good while probably...accept and face that part..the good part is old father time and patience are the key. if you can embrace these 2 things it'll make it a little easier to get up and walk everyday. Eventually, when your heart and mind are ready, the thoughts, the pain and the feeling of being knifed in the stomach will dullen and not hurt as much anymore...patience and time I'm afraid. Think of every day from now as a day of new experiences that help to build your bridge from the side of the river that hurts you, to the side of the river that will give you inner peace and acceptance. You wont build it in a day, but you will build it eventually..we all do, sub-consciously by just living and fighting through the days and the pain...you'll get there, trust me. Cheers mate , Mr time is a helping me slowly I guess , I'm the same as many people on here it's a shock to the system , then you sit there for the next few months going through every stage of the relationship, mainly the good times , which then puts you back a few days . I really need to concentrate about the bad !! I know it wasn't a healthy relationship with any stretch of the imagination , and a few months/years my brain will work it out , I hope , thanks guys for all your support !! Xx
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Today I woke after dreaming that me and her were back together , we were in Cornwall and very happy , it took all my strength not to message her in Facebook and tell her , knowing that she would block me , I'm really struggling with this and feel really really shattered today . It's like I'm going over and over the same torture ! I know she won't come back , I know I will never get any answers , I know she will never admit she misses me ! Or even cares . Maybe that's the problem ! Maybe she can't do any of these things because then it's admitting to her self she made a mistake , and rather deal with that then deal with admitting she's wrong ? Either way I need to stop thinking about her !!!
FailedFirstLove Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 Today I woke after dreaming that me and her were back together , we were in Cornwall and very happy , it took all my strength not to message her in Facebook and tell her , knowing that she would block me , I'm really struggling with this and feel really really shattered today . It's like I'm going over and over the same torture ! I know she won't come back , I know I will never get any answers , I know she will never admit she misses me ! Or even cares . Maybe that's the problem ! Maybe she can't do any of these things because then it's admitting to her self she made a mistake , and rather deal with that then deal with admitting she's wrong ? Either way I need to stop thinking about her !!! It's so painful to stop thinking. Even now I think about it every second I can't stop thinking even when I try. I miss him so much!!!!! I wonder what his doing and how his feeling how can they have no feelings left to miss us
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 It's so painful to stop thinking. Even now I think about it every second I can't stop thinking even when I try. I miss him so much!!!!! I wonder what his doing and how his feeling how can they have no feelings left to miss us The amount of times I have questioned how she cannot miss me and wonder if she's thinking about me it's easier to think that she is not , even if they are you will never know about it ! We are the hurt ones the ones that truly cared , it's hard and some days it's worse than others , it's 4 months for me and it's not hurting as bad but still hurts
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I am we'll impressed and proud of myself today , I feel much better , I thought about her a couple of times today but nothing mega , kept myself busy all day and don't really mind not being without her maybe it's starting to look up ?? Guys keep your fingers crossed for me. xx
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Well here we are again Last night dream was horrid , it was the complete replay of the break up from the ex the whole thing , It was quite strange this is the first time since we split that I have had this , never replayed that part , all I've really had Is the good times , holidays , meals , snuggling on the sofa , that sort if thing. Anyway in this replay I noticed how un-upset she is , no emotion until right at the end when she said " all I wanted was someone to love me ? I don't get that when this girl was my world , told her everyday , showed her with emotion and holidays , presents , but clearly wasnt enough ? Or maybe that was enough for her , or maybe it was to much ? Something clearly went wrong somewhere , What do you guys think ? Was last nights dream the final process of moving on ?
cavalier99 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 No it wasn't the final process to moving on . I also have had many dreams. At least you are realizing that she had checked out of the relationship. I think my ex was finally relieved when we finished. To much stress with me trying to hold on and her trying to break free. They are happy were gone as much as that hurts to know. Hang in there man. We just have to keep on living and stay NC.
Author Gingerxr2 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 No it wasn't the final process to moving on . I also have had many dreams. At least you are realizing that she had checked out of the relationship. I think my ex was finally relieved when we finished. To much stress with me trying to hold on and her trying to break free. They are happy were gone as much as that hurts to know. Hang in there man. We just have to keep on living and stay NC. Xxxp I was hoping that's it , I'd say she checked out a long time ago , it's when you sit and look at it there are little signs that she wasn't truly happy , abd stayed because as she put it comfy , I guess the dumped person is always worse off as they are the ones that hold no cards , I think it's all A game , with a winner and a looser , one day they will loose and we will win , just a matter of time !!
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