panther71 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm so lost and confused and sad right now. I was dating a woman who was presumably as in love with me as I was with her. This is based on both her words and her actions--she was attentive, loving, understanding and kind. She was still grieving the loss of her marriage. While this gave us both hesitation about getting serious, it happened anyway. One day about 10 days ago she suddenly stopped sending texts. She'd still call once per day but there was no affection in her calls. She explained that she was struggling because she was both celebrating us and grieving at the same time. She said she was overwhelmed. I completely understood and offered her space. She said she did not know what she needed; that she was afraid of losing an opportunity at something so amazing with me but that she was also feeling badly. Again, I understood. Since then she has been contacting me less and less. Acting more and more distant. I understand that she is struggling with her own stuff. But the way she has shut me out of her life to such an amazing degree is just so painful that I can barely tolerate it. To my credit, I don't act out on this pain. I don't send her mean texts, I don't call her names. Nothing. I did today send her a message that explained how much I would appreciate it if she could articulate her needs and letting her know that her disappearing is very painful. No response. I don't know that I'm looking for advice so much as I just wanted to share how sadly I feel and how anxious I am. I keep thinking that everyone has the ability to simply talk about what they want and need; to communicate this lovingly. But the reality is that most people don't have this skill and don't realize how much they hurt others by just going away. Anyway, thanks for listening.
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 ....sorry panther that this is happening to you......it took years for me to get over my ex truly........bit battle scarred, i only developed feelings for soemoen else after my grieving had finished.......or maybe it happened at the same time ...who knows i dont.......because i have been able to develop feelings that are strong for someone else i realized that i could move forward and try to explore those feelings....so i kamikazed.....scared as crap.......but i did it.......i think it takes monumental leaps when you have had a break up that wasnt pleasant and it takes time to heal....now the guy i liked didnt like me back......my feelings havent gone away ......so i know they are serious.....even though i hardly ever see him when i do ...i feel joy...i forget what i am feeling and i can thelp but smile even though he frustrates me and is challenging to get to know(i am meant to be forgetting him and here i am waxing lyrical)..thats a dead give away for me ....also the fact he doesnt really have to say anything special i just enjoy being with him...... I dont know what you feel for this girl if you just enjoy being in her company but her going away from you and you feeling pain because she did shows that you have more feelings than what she did for you it is possible to have a rebound relationship and have it last.....the fact is if you care enough for someone you put whatever misgivings you have phobias fears and you tough it out.....with honesty and openness.......you dont hurt the person you care about, you work through it together......you dont quit you dont lie you dont make excuses...that persons welfare is just as important and significant as your own....... you dont let them suffer...you dont watch them struggle you help them ...that is if you have true feelings...you dont want that person to struggle ...you reach out and pull them through it...you dont take you hand away and watch them fall....even if you dont stay together.....you just dont do it...it is cowardly...you care enough about someone to make sure you dont leave them in a pit.or you dont....and you walk away with some half assed excuse...(((((((((((((huggggggggggggggggggggs)))))))))) lol you asked for it ...now sufferrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....deb
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