ChessPieceFace Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 am I so defective that I can't find anyone brave enough to be with me? The kind of men and women I go for are mentally and physically simmilar to me in terms of looks and abilities. There comes a point where one has to take a hard look at themselves and figure out if it's just bad luck, or bad choices, or bad looks, or a bad personality that have lead to this. Uhh, and how would you define "bad"? Look around at the animals on this pitiful rock called Earth. If you have both a working intellect and a working conscience you are set apart from over 95% of them. While many of them may reject you that doesn't make you bad, quite the opposite. The above doesn't paint a complete picture but it's an important aspect of the problem, at least in my own life. It's a double whammy -- sure I may have negative qualities that hinder my potential dating pool. But the human race itself has far more negative qualities that hinder my dating pool even more. Seriously, find people that can think clearly and also have a conscience - then try to form a dating pool out of those few people and try to have any success either way. Good !^%$@# luck with that.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Uhh, and how would you define "bad"? Look around at the animals on this pitiful rock called Earth. If you have both a working intellect and a working conscience you are set apart from over 95% of them. While many of them may reject you that doesn't make you bad, quite the opposite. The above doesn't paint a complete picture but it's an important aspect of the problem, at least in my own life. It's a double whammy -- sure I may have negative qualities that hinder my potential dating pool. But the human race itself has far more negative qualities that hinder my dating pool even more. Seriously, find people that can think clearly and also have a conscience - then try to form a dating pool out of those few people and try to have any success either way. Good !^%$@# luck with that. Thanks. It's hard to look at it that way when one wants to date. I know plenty of people like me, who are transgender and/or scientist who are married or have long term partners. Looking at that end of things and seeing that they have someone makes me think it's possible for me. More importantly it's possible to have a partner who's happy with someone like me.
Maneater Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 these types of people have ISSUES with THEMSELVES
ChessPieceFace Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) I know plenty of people like me, who are transgender and/or scientist who are married or have long term partners. Looking at that end of things and seeing that they have someone makes me think it's possible for me. More importantly it's possible to have a partner who's happy with someone like me. You may know a lot of people in relationships, but do you honestly know a lot of people who are in HAPPY relationships? I don't. I see people who are "happily together" (big emphasis on the quotes there) but usually really unhappy about certain things / overlooking big flaws in their partner / settling for the best they think they can get / sticking it out in poor relationships just to not be alone. HEY, I could do that right now. I know several girls (who I have no interest in) who would be with me. But why would I want that? I don't HAVE some desperate need to be with someone at any cost. I think a LOT of people do, whether or not they admit it, and whether or not they admit how flawed their relationships really are. Also - you are transgendered? Wasn't sure if that was just an example or not. Just curious. Edited January 2, 2013 by ChessPieceFace
IT Geek Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 How about an unattractive man who treats women like crap? How would someone like that fare? About as well as an unattractive man who treated them well. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You may know a lot of people in relationships, but do you honestly know a lot of people who are in HAPPY relationships? I don't. I see people who are "happily together" (big emphasis on the quotes there) but usually really unhappy about certain things / overlooking big flaws in their partner / settling for the best they think they can get / sticking it out in poor relationships just to not be alone. HEY, I could do that right now. Here's the thing about that. In order to be in a relationship for the long term you have to accept that whoever you are with won't be perfect. To me that's not settling since, no one on Earth is perfect. I know several girls (who I have no interest in) who would be with me. But why would I want that? I don't HAVE some desperate need to be with someone at any cost. I think a LOT of people do, whether or not they admit it, and whether or not they admit how flawed their relationships really are. What you describe applies to relationships where there are serious and changeable issues. Like emotional, physical, or sexual abusiveness and such. No one should ever take that. I'm talking about accepting parts of a persons past, or physical abnormalities, or deep seated mental issues, or relationships baggages (children, trust issues from being cheated on). We see people with issues like that find BF/GF's husbands and wives all the time. The question becomes why not those of us who have similar issues or no issues like the above at all? Also - you are transgendered? Wasn't sure if that was just an example or not. Just curious. Yes, to the dominant culture I am a male-to-female transgendered woman. That said, I know people like me who have been and are married to men, women, and other transgendered people male to female and female to male. I have known people straight gay and bi who have full blown AIDS who are married and their spouses don't have HIV. That's the situation that blows my mind. Some of them got hitched up after coming out as having AIDS. Talk about in sickness and in health. In short, my lifestyle .... my gender identification... my profession... nothing about me is an excuse for not being able to have a relationship. All I can blame outside myself now is crummy luck.
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I wonder what the shortest path is to get dates. Obviously there is no real need to "fix" oneself.
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I wonder what the shortest path is to get dates.The shortest path IMO is the genetics of social popularity. The more one's genes, not only relevant to appearance, align with society's general perspective of what is attractive/desirable, the more opportunities one will be presented with as a function of everyday life. Think of all the disordered (historically) famous people who were/are widely acclaimed and clamored for. Their disorders are accepted/explained away, even if/when obviously injurious to others. 'Like' is a powerful force. Obviously there is no real need to "fix" oneself. For such people, no, there is no real need to 'fix' anything. If they can live a life which suits them and get what they want, why work on something that doesn't need working on? Enjoy the ride. Perhaps someday they might not get what they want, enough that they begin to wonder the same way you do. Perhaps not. That's life. 1
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Perhaps not Seems like if you have enough "good genetics" your bads are whisked away.
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Seems like if you have enough "good genetics" your bads are whisked away.Enough to get dates, yes, that's a reasonable conclusion IMO. As a relative stranger, when I meet one of these people, I have no real cognizance of their past, nor any vision of what they see as their future. Our interaction is in the now. What is my value as a stepping stone in their life? Unknown. How many have gone before and will come after? Unknown. What value do they ascribe to the stones they step upon? Unknown. People go with what they like/are attracted to. People who get dates are liked and attractive to those who like them. EOS. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Now now...that's so mean. =/ Even mentally challenged people deserve love too - and when I witness it firsthand, it's the sweetest thing! I remember in high school, there was this beautiful girl who was deaf. A classmate was so into her that he made the effort to learn sign language just to interact with her. They became King and Queen at the senior prom. <3 And no, I am not comparing a person who is mentally challenged with a hearing impaired person. lol. Just a story I wished to tell! 'Tis true! I think that I present myself as a classy and professional girl, but I always ALWAYS only get hit on by gangsters and/or "ghetto" guys. And I hate to use the term ghetto, but really...I have no other words to describe that guy. You know, the one with his baggy pants halfway around his thighs, gold teeth, tatts up and down his neck (nothing wrong with tatts, but these are "gangsta" ones). Basically, the opposite physically, of what I am. They have absolutely no qualms about hitting on me and in a way, I find it courageous (yet presumptuous). But I imagine they approach all females with a bountiful booty just the same. o_O I would really love for a classy lookin' fella to approach me. 2013 Gods, can you make this happen? Thanks. And to note, I sometimes witness couples and think 'If they can find somebody, so can I' - but then I realize that they are a perfect match for whatever reason and that we are so astethically different from each other that there is no envy or wonder there. Just a bit of bewilderment though. Ok I didn't mean retarded like that.. It's really cute that that guy loved that girl enough to learn sign language. The girl I'm talking about is slower mentally, but she isn't too slow to not have sex (since she's pregnant) she is like a functioning level of retardedness.. I can't explain it. We all know she is slow and she's mentally like not together but she has a boyfriend and a baby on the way.. However I think something is wrong with him too because I tried to talk to her a few times in hs and it was just difficult so anyone who can do it I would think has issues too.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Ok I didn't mean retarded like that.. It's really cute that that guy loved that girl enough to learn sign language. The girl I'm talking about is slower mentally, but she isn't too slow to not have sex (since she's pregnant) she is like a functioning level of retardedness.. I can't explain it. We all know she is slow and she's mentally like not together but she has a boyfriend and a baby on the way.. However I think something is wrong with him too because I tried to talk to her a few times in hs and it was just difficult so anyone who can do it I would think has issues too. There are many developmental disorders that aren't "retardation". Which by the way isn't an acceptable word anymore. FYI. What you describe sounds like what they call an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Something more severe than Aspergers...what they call high functioning autism. (Where it's labeled Aspergers if the person's IQ is about 16 pts above normal, and high functioning Autism if it's within 16pts of normal.) Often such people end up attracted to and married to eachother. It's more like they have a totally different wiring when it comes to social interactions than the norm.
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