vhshowdown Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Hi all. I need some advice please. I have just started dating again after about 6 months of getting back on my feet from a breakup. So, I dont wanna mess this up. I have been out with this girl about 3 times now in the last month and a half. Our second date was about 3 weeks after the first, and things started to heat up. We went out this past Saturday, had a great time, and she said so too. We both said we didn't want the nite to end. Everything was perfect. We laughed all nite together. I invited her back to my place, and she said its still too soon. Fine, no problem. I have the utmost respect for that. The nite for us finally ended at 4am Sunday morn. We talked for about an hour Sunday nite on the phone. I told her I would call her Monday sometime, say hi, etc.... Left a message, she never called back. The reason we have only been out 3 times in over a month is she seems to disappear at times. I wont hear from her for days at a time. Do I just accept this, or is she dating other people too? She says she isnt, or well I guess she never came out and said she was. Anyone have any advice as to what I should do. I really like this girl. I just would like to see more of her, but I dont wanna come on too strong either. Thanks again
PurpleAngel Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Take your time… its ok that you don’t hear from her for a few days.. You are only at the very beginning. Remember you both need to keep your individuality and retain your hobbies and friends etc. Perhaps she is just a really busy girl. That’s ok you know. You need to try to be self-validating when she is not around. It’s ok. Just cos you guys don’t chat for a day or so means nothing about whether she likes you or not. It may just be that she is looking after herself by keeping a balanced life. Does that make sense? She may possibly be dating others.. who knows! Sometimes girls don’t stop dating until they have a commitment from someone, but that doesn’t mean to ask her to marry you. A girl will always know who she likes best, but the idea is to give her the opportunity and space to work out how she is feeling. So it’s ok to give each other space, and look forward to the time when you are together. You wont screw anything up, just go with your heart. Good Luck!
cat girl Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 All i can say showdown is I wish you where the guy i was dating. I have just had my second date with someone, and it had been a bit less then 2 weeks from our first date, we are both busy and this seemed the only time. I was totally up front with him about my situation, I have been dating 2 men, and I want to break it up with both of them. Mind you I haven't seen either one in at least the last 2 weeks. Even though they miss me and want to see me. I feel I really like the new prospect. the other 2 guys I know them, I was in a serious relationship with 1 for 5 years we started dating other people and now the 2nd one dating for a little over a year. I my self do not see my self with either of them. I plan on ending it with them very soon. They've been calling , we talk on the phone , tho i haven't made the plan to actually see them. I'm dreading the moment becuase I know what i have to do. the new prospect however; knows all about this, we had 2 great!! great!! dates... he asked me back to his place on 2nd date, I would have loved too... but i still think it is too soon. In a new relationship there is so much you still do not know about the person. you are not sure if they just want you for sex or something more.... The only way you can find out is if you wait, i really believe and wish guys felt this way too.. If they care they will hang in there and please do not pressure her about it... let her make the decision when you spend the night together... it shows you respect her. As well as gives you a chance to relish in the moment of this new sexual tension. so take your time, really enjoy this stage, it is a wonderful time in a relationship, especially if you really like the person. Weather if she is or is not dating any one else, I couldn't tell you. Has she asked you if you were dating other people? I asked the new prospect after I had already told him about my situation with the 2 men I've been dating. I also did tell him I only wanted and needed 1 man, the right man. See upfront honest, I'm not a game player, hate that stuff. I really thought we had hit it off and things were going to work out, and the only person I want to see is the new guy. So maybe she is just busy, has alot of friends, but she can be dating as well, a girl gets so very confused about men, they can say they adore you and only want sex, they can say they don't like you but really admire the hell out of you.... you guys make it difficult for us to understand you. so my advice, bottom line , is be patient be your self and most of all be honest...... now if you can give me some advice, what if she is dating other men? how would that make you react? would you purposly not call and act as tho you don't care? My new guy is acting strange and I don't get it.
breezy Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 I am going thru the same thing. I always rush into relationships, so I guess it is OK to take time for yourself. I tend to jump into them and then I loose myself. I have to learn to enjoy my life. I have been dating him for about a month now and there are days when I wont hear from him for 2 days, but he does contact me and I make it a point for him to do it. I guess it really does not matter if he does not call, etc. I know we are both busy people. It happens. We should enjoy the dating stages. Arent those always the part me start to miss once things get so commited?
cat girl Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 It's not the dating we miss, when we get committed , it the fun and the spontenieaty. I think guys love the thrill of hte chase once they catch it, they toss it aside. like 2 day old bread, the attentive ness and the consideration goes out the window. Sadly, it is both partners job in a relationship to keep the dating, sexual tension there!! i think it can be done, tho it really takes lots of work. The problem this day and age is not many people want to do this, they rather go to the next one to get the lovey dovey high again. If they think they can find it. my very very first boyfriend, 15 years ago, regrets till this day he acted like an ass. He as recently contacted me to tell me what a jerk he was and that I am a great girl!!! and after he lost me he swore the next time he met a great girl he'd always treat her well and marry her. which I suppose he did. Now why is he sending me gifts, emailing me and making excuses to be in my neighbor hood to say hi? I don't know..... I thought it was sweet, till i thought, how would his wife feel, of course he hasn't told her... things that make you go hm....
surfergirl Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Catgarlo, he's trying to get back w/you. He's married? What's up with that? Did he forget he's married? They just kill me the things men try to pull......my ex forgot he was married too.......oops....
Author vhshowdown Posted August 19, 2004 Author Posted August 19, 2004 Thanks for all your advice. I think I will just let her have some space and see what happens from there. Ya, I need to take things slow, and enjoy the new dating scene and have fun with it. My big thing is I dont have a prob with her seeing other people, have no prob with that at all. If she is, I just want her to be honest with me and honest with herself. She seems very secretive or mysterious for whatever reason. My last breakup came at the hands of deceit, where she would tell me one thing, then to find out she was going to do drugs the whole time instead.... I think if you meet someone and they are already dating someone else, or whatever, you need to accept that, accept them for how and who they are. If not, time to move on. Dont try to change them. My attitude is if you wanna hang out with someone, then why not. Now if you are married, then everything changes. And Cat, if you ever come to Nashville, I will definitely ask to take you out.......
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