MissLY Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Lets say you're in the early dating stages (2-3 months) and the guy you're seeing is very consistent, takes you out and contacts you often. But then you find out through a reliable source that he happened to pursue another chick during the time that you're also dating him. How would you feel? Would you be bothered and want him dumped? Or would you let it go realizing that you're not yet in a relationship and he can do what he wants until you guys have "the talk"?
Minka333 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I would be bothered coz' it means he's kinda half-hearted in pursuing me. I would question his total sincerity. I would then think if the other girl gets him then he could just drop me anytime. If a man is serious and really wants a woman, then he should focus on her alone. 1
carhill Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Is he bothered by you accepting the kind social invitations of other gentlemen?
iris219 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 3 months is long enough to decide if you want to be exclusive with someone. I'd be very bothered. I'd feel like our months together have been a sham. By not telling you about this other girl, he lied by omission. I wouldn't trust him or feel comfortable around him ever again, even if he stopped dating the other girl. I'd let her have him. 1
Samilia Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Lets say you're in the early dating stages (2-3 months) and the guy you're seeing is very consistent, takes you out and contacts you often. But then you find out through a reliable source that he happened to pursue another chick during the time that you're also dating him. How would you feel? Would you be bothered and want him dumped? Or would you let it go realizing that you're not yet in a relationship and he can do what he wants until you guys have "the talk"? It would bother me if he had "forgotten" to mention it. That's fine if he made it clear that he's dating other people.
Author MissLY Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 I want to bring this up to him, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Should I just straight up ask him "So are you seeing other people?" or would it be better to leave it as "I'd like to know where you and I stand." ?
carhill Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I overlooked the 'find out through a reliable source' part. Sorry about that. Definitely entertain the kind invitations of other gentlemen, presuming you're looking for a serious, exclusive and monogamous relationship, since you're not exclusive. The length of time invested here without any covert exclusivity agreement likely indicates that he's either hot or a catch, hence the patience with all of this. If you're sexually active with him, I hope you're using STD protection. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Lets say you're in the early dating stages (2-3 months) and the guy you're seeing is very consistent, takes you out and contacts you often. But then you find out through a reliable source that he happened to pursue another chick during the time that you're also dating him. How would you feel? Would you be bothered and want him dumped? Or would you let it go realizing that you're not yet in a relationship and he can do what he wants until you guys have "the talk"? ummmm no........2 to 3 months is exclusive territory.....i don't multi-date and the guys i have dated a long time ago i might add, were more concerned that i was not dating others, and considering i would consider it poor interest if a guy didnt mind me dating others, kissing others, being with other men having their hands ro arms around me ......me sharing secrets and making other men have a good time...why on earth would he be with me in the first place.....i feel the same about other women...i like exclusive relationships and if a guy doesnt want exclusivity from me ...i dont really want to date him, i will find somone who does want exclusivity when i explore a relationship i have one path I dont try and spread myself out over many paths....pointless....deb 2
Minka333 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 If you aren't exclusive then he may still be trying to gauge his emotions since it's still early in the ballgame. Give it some time first and let the friendship develop so you both can assess if you are totally compatible.
somedude81 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 No, we are not exclusive. Sounds like it might be a good time to start talking about it.
veggirl Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 2-3 mos is long enough to know if you want to date exclusively. I would be turned off, I would stop seeing him. I am not into guys who "multi-date" though, esp after a couple of months! first couple of dates, possibly okay, but beyond that no thank you, you either like me enough to pursue me and only me or you can go after the other girls instead of me. I would never bring up "what are we" to a guy. He should have already done it imo.....if he was that into you, he would have already done it and he WOULDN'T be dating other girls. personally I'd just bounce. 4
Divasu Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Yes, I would... I would want him to be honest upfront that he was dating/pursuing other women versus finding out on my own and/or him telling me if/when I asked.
rocketman122 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I never ever got in this kind of issue. must be a US thing. or maybe when youre younger the person wants to still shop around. I never had that whether I was young or older now. and I dated a LOT of women. a lot. I wont get into it that most times i'd walk away and the relationships were short. but I always tell the women im loyal and a 1 woman man and if they say the same, its done. nothing more to talk about. but every single woman I dated was the same. we knew it was exclusive. no need to ask or talk. you can feel it. I dated only her and she only me. those being exclusive talks are so pathetic. I laugh when people talk about it. wanna go steady? get the F outta here with that crap. and yes it would piss me off but OTOH it would never happen to me.
Author MissLY Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I appreciate all of your opinions. I'd like to bring it up to him, but I don't know how I should do it. How would you guys go about it?
Fondue Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Women keep promoting to other women to multi-date and shop around until they find the right that meets all their expectations. I think same should apply for men. If exclusivity has not yet been established, then both parties are free to pursue other interests. 2
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'd like to bring it up to him, but I don't know how I should do it. How would you guys go about it?'How do you feel about dating other people, since we aren't exclusive?' Listen. 'Why'? Open-ended questions are great for opening dialogues. This presumes you wish to know how he feels and wish to have a dialogue about this topic. If he mirrors back without responding to your question, simply respond with your authentic feelings and ask 'How do you feel about that?', then 'Why?' Accept his answers as authentic and process them with the information otherwise available, including that of your observations and the 'reliable source'. See how it goes.. 2
SJC2008 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It's a touchy subject and there are arguments to both sides. I don't mind if a few dates overlap but I'm not a multi dater. How can you develop a connection with someone when dating so many people? Especially if you are sleeping with more than one? Are multi daters just protecting themselves from not being alone becasue it raises their chances of landing a bf/gf??
SJC2008 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 2-3 mos is long enough to know if you want to date exclusively. I would be turned off, I would stop seeing him. I am not into guys who "multi-date" though, esp after a couple of months! first couple of dates, possibly okay, but beyond that no thank you, you either like me enough to pursue me and only me or you can go after the other girls instead of me. I would never bring up "what are we" to a guy. He should have already done it imo.....if he was that into you, he would have already done it and he WOULDN'T be dating other girls. personally I'd just bounce. According to another poster you play dumb and let the woman bring it up. If you do first all you'll see is a smoke trail!!!
jcrew11 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 No, we are not exclusive. Are you seeing (Sleeping with) other men? Or has he told you he is seeing (sleeping with) other women? How often do you sleep with each other? If its a long distance relationship or an occassional hookup, then that's your choice. Just decide if you want monogamy and dump him if he refuses.
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 If he knows that I like him and I've been consistent with keeping dates and so on, then yes I'd be very unhappy about him seeing anyone else. But, if you haven't talked with each other about what you want from dating, then I guess you can't expect him to only be pursuing you, especially if you've given him the impression you are seeing others. Has he told you himself he is chasing other women? If not, and if he seems to be hiding the fact, then ask him whether he sees you two as being exclusive or not.
syw0806 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Even early stage, if you guys having constant dates and doing kiss make out stuff, obviously I'd be bothered and assume he doesn't have strong feeling toward me. That's just how it works. If you date multiple, means you are still wondering and don't have strong feeling to any of them yet. I personally don't date multiple people at the same time. Especially if I already kiss them and we already do further making out stuff. So I'd be bothered a lot and trying to move on if I find out someone I've been seeing for 2-3mo was dating others too. Also, by 2-3 mo or even before, you should be able to tell if you want to be exclusive or move on.
It's Just Me Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 If the talk hadn't happened after dating someone consistently for three months, and I found out he was chasing other women, I'd be pressing the eject button rather quickly. Then again, I make my intentions clear very early in the game. There is no ambiguity. But that's just me.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 All the exclusivity/non-exclusivity talk aside, it simply means he is not that interested in you. Yes, I would be very bothered.
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