EC Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I was thinking a lot about open relationships and while I was getting my hair done the other day I opened up Elle magazine and read and interesting article that kind of got me thinking and now I don't even know how I feel about open relationships anymore. This is just a piece of the article but I will post the link in case you interested. I'm curious as to what you guys think about the article. Let me know....
Matilda Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Oh, now you've done it. You've laid down the red carpet for Sinner and Samson.
YellowLioness Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Hey, whatever works for whomever. IMHO, different types of relationships work for different types of people. As long as everyone is open and honest, I don't see a problem. Personally, I'm not personally down with the open relationship; however, if it works for some, so be it. Who are we to judge what people do in their bedroom? Perhaps keeping the marriage open has allowed the relationship between husband and wife to prosper in this case. Personally, I'm glad that at least they're making their marriage work. For everyone who reads this, what is better for you 1. Having an open marriage that lasts until you're both old and gray 2. Having a normal marraige that ends in the middle of your life becausue of the cheating, porn watching, or whatever it is that makes marriages end these days?
Author EC Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 More pieces of the article...... I just don't understand how a wife can give her husband permission to go out and cheat on her and wait for him at home knowing that at that exact second he is making another woman scream out 'GOD"?? That would kill me?
Fayebelle Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I think a marriage is a commitment between two people to each other. Why get married if you still want to be w/other people?
morrigan Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 I would figure that an open relationship could work, if each person had the independent mindset that having sex with other people wasn't a betrayal of the committment they had with eachother. If a person has to get persuaded into it, it is not such a great idea.
sinner Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Oh, now you've done it. You've laid down the red carpet for Sinner and Samson. Matilda, thanks for the endorsement but that's a carpet on which I'd rather not tread. As for Open Marriages, I suspect that, like many things, OMs work better in theory than practice. I'd rather just be single and date like a madman than be married and tortuously negotiate OM trysts with my spouse. What's the fun in that? Marital and self-esteem risks abound. You have the loss-of-symmetry risk: One spouse invariably does better, than the other, in playing the OM game. He/she enjoys it more, finds it more pleasureable and is more desired. The already precarious spousal balance is further upset. You have the jealousy risk: Is the other guy/gal younger, better looking, a better lover, etc.? Who needs the aggravation? We're just talking orgasms, here. You have the falling in love risk: Will my mate, after tasting a particular forbidden fruit, want to replace me with fresher produce? Who needs that anxiety? You have the skank risk: Are other marrieds who do this middle aged, possibly diseased and skanky like me? If so, what's the point? I can always masturbate. I don't believe that an OM arrangement is viable or even preferable to other marital alternatives. It's too destabilizing to the marriage and , possibly, one's self-esteem. So Matilda, you can roll up that red carpet.
YellowLioness Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Originally posted by sinner You have the skank risk: Are other marrieds who do this middle aged, possibly diseased and skanky like me? If so, what's the point? I can always masturbate.
Author EC Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 I agree with Sinner. He made a lot of good points. It's true one of them will do better at playing the whole OM game and then what? You already agreed to OM and now hes doing better so what do you do? Then the skank factor is true as well because they are seeing other people but seeing eachother as well..Talk about trust issues at a totally different level. Did my husband use a condom? Did my wife use a condom? OM seem ok in theory but some people wouldn't have it any other way... Life is funny.
Moose Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 You have the falling in love risk: Will my mate, after tasting a particular forbidden fruit, That says it all for me. "Forbidden fruit", everyone with half a brain knows that stepping outside the marriage, even if to experience a physical act, is forbidden. Those in the other man, other woman forum even admit their guilt of stepping out of bounds. I think this couple in the Elle mag. was just experimenting and it blew up in their faces. Maybe it was a test on the wife's part to see if her husband would actually go through with it. Why anyone would tempt a weak minded man, I don't know. If my wife dangled that temtptation in front of me, it would be very difficult to turn it down. She's said that if she ever decided to act on her bi-curious tendancies that she would want me involved, ( She then said it would never happen ), I released a sigh of relief!!!! Why? Because the person she's attracted to is very sexy......It would be very tempting. I've struggled with her temptations, all the while gaining strength with my own. Does anyone see why marriage is important when the wife and husband gain strength together? I've been critizied about supressing my wife's desires, but it's actually our faith that keeps both of us true to each other.
Author EC Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Awe Moose do you have a younger just as cool twin? I want a husband like you lol How old is your son again? JK;)
Moose Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Well, I do have a younger brother, but you better hurry, he's gettin' hitched 9-18!!!! He's 31, I was beginning to wonder about him!!!
RowanRavyn Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Moose, Very well put. This is something that is beyond my grasp of things. I mean, if you want to keep playing the game, why cash in the chips?
PUHLEEEEZ..... Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 I think Open Relationship is an oxymoron. If it is "open", it's not a "relationship".
YellowLioness Posted August 19, 2004 Posted August 19, 2004 However, I don't believe that. You can have a platonic relationship with several people at the same time. You have more then one friend, right? So, if you seperate your emotional side from your physical side, then I don't see why you can't have an open relationship. After all, for those of you who have "been around the block," how many of you have had a one night stand, and had sex just for the sake of having sex? Sometimes, love and sex don't always go together. I don't see why this is any different. My BF said, "Well, what if he gets AIDS, gives his wife AIDS, and then she gets preggers, and the kid gets AIDS? OR, what if she gets preggers with a child that isn't her husbands?" I said, "Hey, that's their mistake. It's their choice. As far as I'm concerned, they can have all the freedom they want, but they have to take responsibility for their actions, just like everyone else does" He said, "Well, how are they going to explain that to their children? What if their children grow up to be cheaters?" I said, "Well, if two gay people raise a child, does that mean that their child is going to be gay?" I think that if it works for them, then by all means, who am I to judge?
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