New Years Tough Fun

[LostOne1]

So I went out with a friend last night. Most of my friends were staying at home. I convinced one to go out.

 

I don't know how I did it.. but I got him and myself into the club for FREE when tickets were selling for $50+ LOL... so I used that money for the expensive/overpriced drinks.

 

I had some fun it was alright and I can't complain. I kinda have been re-learning how to be single again.

 

Anyways we left and then as I was walking home... I guess my inner side came out from being drunk lol. I started feeling sorry for myself, cursing out god for putting me through this pain. Started to miss my ex and know she's done with me otherwise she would have contacted me. I just remember being angry walking home and just frustrated with my terrible year.

 

I guess I kinda feel inside that I'm going through a tough time and I feel like I am suffering.

I guess the good thing is in a few days my new school will start. Then hopefully I can start to advance my life with school and a part time job.

 

I hate to say this.. but part of me WANTS to run into my ex at school. I know she doesn't fully expect me to be there or doesn't fully know if I moved there. There is a new program I wanted to get into and only her school has it. I guess I just want her to know I'm alive and kicking. I don't need words nor do I wanna say anything. I just want her to see me, and I know she will feel something maybe the pain of losing me.

 

It's funny, because in some ways it feels like life is trying to push us together again. What are the chances the program I want to take is at her school, and that she goes there. Heck I'd laugh if we have a class together, which is possible too. I'm not looking at getting back together.. just want to know that she hurts too from all of this.... So i know I'm not feeling the pain alone.

 

My new yrs goal... do REALLY well at my new school, get a part time job to build my experience, hit the gym 3 times a week, and just keep myself busy. Oh and try to make new friends in my classes.

[denxnis]

In all honesty I think if I had no back-bone I could get my ex back sooner or later, but then I think to myself "would I really be happy with a girl that left me and fu**ed another guy?"

 

Do you really think you could ever trust someone like that again?

 

These difficult times in our life can either tear us down or build us up, it's up to you to decide which.

 

You need to avoid this chick like the plague man.

[eyeful]

This reminds me a bit of my experience after my previous ex (not current ex, who I am on really ambiguous terms with). I kicked myself into high-gear after we broke up and she went with another guy. I partied a lot, going against what her wishes had always been (one reason it didn't work was that she could never let me go and do my own thing without getting jealous or worrying).

 

So, I let loose for a while, had some feelings of depression, but also opened a 'new chapter' in my life. I probably spun a little out of control with all my self-destruction, but tried to mix it with inspiring, uplifting activities as well. I started jogging, changed my major in college, took up plenty of new activities, made new friends, and kept my eyes open for a new girlfriend. Shortly after, I found that she had moved into the town where I was going to college. It was bizarre, since one reason the relationship failed was because we were a long-distance couple, and it didn't look like she would be able to move close to my any time in the near future.

 

Once I knew she was living in town, and involved with her new boyfriend who was going to my school, I felt mixed emotions. I felt anger towards both of them, but also felt the need to sort of show off my 'new me', which I felt was self-empowering, single, independent, attractive, and so on. So, I always kept an eye out for her, half-hoping she would see me and feel sort of jealous. It never happened at that stage, though (I spotted her once later on, but didn't interact). I only saw the new boyfriend and had trouble containing myself when that occurred. My new relationship started a few months later, during that interim, and I kind of laughed to myself at the ex, because the old relationship seemed weak in retrospect.

 

Much later on, I actually started, spontaneously, to feel resentment for the ex and her boyfriend again, after returning to the state from grad school. That was really strange and caught me off-guard, especially after so long of not really caring.

 

I guess what I will say is that it seems normal to have those mixed feelings towards an ex, probably until you go through that independent stage, and then fall in love again. It sounds like you are on the right track. I wish you the best of luck!

[LostOne1]

In all honesty I think if I had no back-bone I could get my ex back sooner or later, but then I think to myself "would I really be happy with a girl that left me and fu**ed another guy?"

 

Do you really think you could ever trust someone like that again?

 

These difficult times in our life can either tear us down or build us up, it's up to you to decide which.

 

You need to avoid this chick like the plague man.

yeah good point.. trusting her again.. would be tough. But I'm sure she thinks the same. When she did want to work stuff out she asked me to show how I have changed now. Or what things will change and be different. Kinda pissed me off more, because it was as if "I" was the only one wrong. Which bugged me a lot, because it was as if she blamed ME for everything and never once said she messed up too.

 

It was as if the BU was going to be HER way or NO way. And I didn't see it then, that I shouldn't have fallen for her trap. I shoulda said I'm out have fun with what ever and I'm moving on.

 

I didn't and I just let her carry me around like garbage.

 

Also is it normal to be mad at her brother and sister? I know it probably isn't their business to get involved, but I have this hate for them too. Like I thought they would contact me and maybe help my ex and I work it out some how. I understand my ex tells her siblings to stay out. But her siblings were close with me and it hurt me a lot, that neither of them ever said anything. No good bye, no we'll meet up and talk.

 

I guess I have that idea, because my aunt and uncle were having problems and family members from both sides jumped in to help them make it work. I guess I felt I was close with her family and someone woulda jumped in to make it work. In some ways it feels like they faked everything with me, just because I was going out with their younger sis.

[LostOne1]

This reminds me a bit of my experience after my previous ex (not current ex, who I am on really ambiguous terms with). I kicked myself into high-gear after we broke up and she went with another guy. I partied a lot, going against what her wishes had always been (one reason it didn't work was that she could never let me go and do my own thing without getting jealous or worrying).

 

So, I let loose for a while, had some feelings of depression, but also opened a 'new chapter' in my life. I probably spun a little out of control with all my self-destruction, but tried to mix it with inspiring, uplifting activities as well. I started jogging, changed my major in college, took up plenty of new activities, made new friends, and kept my eyes open for a new girlfriend. Shortly after, I found that she had moved into the town where I was going to college. It was bizarre, since one reason the relationship failed was because we were a long-distance couple, and it didn't look like she would be able to move close to my any time in the near future.

 

Once I knew she was living in town, and involved with her new boyfriend who was going to my school, I felt mixed emotions. I felt anger towards both of them, but also felt the need to sort of show off my 'new me', which I felt was self-empowering, single, independent, attractive, and so on. So, I always kept an eye out for her, half-hoping she would see me and feel sort of jealous. It never happened at that stage, though (I spotted her once later on, but didn't interact). I only saw the new boyfriend and had trouble containing myself when that occurred. My new relationship started a few months later, during that interim, and I kind of laughed to myself at the ex, because the old relationship seemed weak in retrospect.

 

Much later on, I actually started, spontaneously, to feel resentment for the ex and her boyfriend again, after returning to the state from grad school. That was really strange and caught me off-guard, especially after so long of not really caring.

 

I guess what I will say is that it seems normal to have those mixed feelings towards an ex, probably until you go through that independent stage, and then fall in love again. It sounds like you are on the right track. I wish you the best of luck!

See that's what I'm doing as well.. changed my major and school too. Sadly it's the same as my ex's, but it's a program only offered at that school. I am looking to work out a lot now, I'm tired of having a slim body. Want to shape it up now and I was working out a lot before the BU. After the BU I haven''t touched the gym and lost a LOT of weight. So I have to get that back on track too.

 

I kinda get what you are saying, and that showing off to the ex is useless. Because at some point the ex won't matter anymore she will just still be an ex of the past. I don't fully know if she has a b.f or not and I don't know if she cheated on me or not. It's quite possible she was just so mad and her anger was what made her move on or BU. I never got that part of the closure, but I did see how she disrespected me by saying she did cheat and then saying she only said it so I'd leave her alone and move on.

 

I guess for me I see it as a new life. Maybe to change my major and to do different things I needed to feel this pain. I suppose I wasn't the best bf, because my ex said the next girl would be better. I guess she meant I'd learn from the pain and my next relationship would be better. That was before things got even more nasty between me and my ex.

[na49]

I go to the same school as my ex and while her seeing me might make me feel good. Me seeing her wouldn't. It would piss me off and if she was walking to class holding hands like we used to do? I'd become such an emotional wreck I'd have to fight my urge to cry right then and there. I really want to work on me, I'm noticing small changes in my behavior, I've got some new clothes and a new style. Trying my best to keep as busy as I can. Work on my confidence to talk to new people. I'm a little too shy for my own good and my confidence isn't where it was 3 months ago.

[suladas]

Just keep working you'll get there. Last night was the first night I felt back to myself hanging out with my friends and dahm it felt good. I didn't think about my ex ONCE all night I just had fun, and exchanging looks with a good looking girl, nothing will likely come from it but it still felt good I wasn't thinking oh she's alone on NYE or anything, I just didn't have her in my head at all.

 

The gym helps, i've lost about 20lbs since the BU and feel really good about myself and confident that I look good. Been almost 6 months, and yet i'm still working on things. It's a long process. I also know it can still come crashing down, if I seen her with someone else, or get another clue as to what she might be thinking it still could set me back.

[LostOne1]

I go to the same school as my ex and while her seeing me might make me feel good. Me seeing her wouldn't. It would piss me off and if she was walking to class holding hands like we used to do? I'd become such an emotional wreck I'd have to fight my urge to cry right then and there. I really want to work on me, I'm noticing small changes in my behavior, I've got some new clothes and a new style. Trying my best to keep as busy as I can. Work on my confidence to talk to new people. I'm a little too shy for my own good and my confidence isn't where it was 3 months ago.

Well I'd just like to see my ex walk by and know we won't talk. I'm used to the fact that we are strangers now. I'd just love to see her feel it to walk by and make eye contact for a split second and know she was crazy about me.

 

I know she avoided seeing me, because either she knew if she saw me she would break down. Or she was scared of seeing me knowing she must have done something wrong. And she didn't have it in her to man up and be honest.

 

Who knows.. we have school from now till April. So I would expect at "some" point I'd at least crash into her. The campus isn't that big and while I will try to make new friends, maybe I will run into her with a smile to show I can be okay without her. Haven't seen her for 5 months and I am still living.

[LostOne1]

Just keep working you'll get there. Last night was the first night I felt back to myself hanging out with my friends and dahm it felt good. I didn't think about my ex ONCE all night I just had fun, and exchanging looks with a good looking girl, nothing will likely come from it but it still felt good I wasn't thinking oh she's alone on NYE or anything, I just didn't have her in my head at all.

 

The gym helps, i've lost about 20lbs since the BU and feel really good about myself and confident that I look good. Been almost 6 months, and yet i'm still working on things. It's a long process. I also know it can still come crashing down, if I seen her with someone else, or get another clue as to what she might be thinking it still could set me back.

Well NYE was good lots of girls, but it was after when I was going home alone once my friend and I split directions heading to our homes. That's when I just went off swearing and god and just what life had done to me. I know I didn't mean it and it probably was the pain talking. But yeah it's always tough when I am alone and a thought comes up.

 

I know I'll get there... right now maybe I'm halfway there or so. Honestly I'd say it will take me at least a year to recover so not till the summer at least. But school starts today and so far no classes with her. I guess that's good no distractions and I get to meet new people.