jags2bowl27 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Hey guys, So im sure most of you know my story of my 2 year love of my life meeting some new guy she had feelings for and dumping me. She has never been sure of her decision, would talk to me, would meet me, begged for me back when I met someone new to the point where it ruined that relationship. Anyways, I gave her the option of trying to work on things and she said she wasnt ready. As a final straw for the new year, I messaged her on fb (she is blocked but i didnt want to text or call) stating that I need to move on, and the hope that she keeps giving me with "I know we have one shot to make this work but I am not ready" I would not settle for. I explained I will not be anyone's second option and that her selfish acts and feelings is not my problem and I am not angry or hurt because I know its all about her. Anyways, I was hoping for no response... wished her well and said I have to move on and she wrote back. Even though she said it kills her to have to say this, that I should move on and she agrees, she STILL throws hope at me. She states how hard it is to hit the send button but knows its the right thing to do right now. She states that maybe our paths will cross down the road blah blah blah. She said its not fair to call her selfish because she is the same person and shes sorry she screwed everything up so much that I cant see that anymore. She goes on to say she will miss me everyday blah blah blah. sHe giving me hope still and then saying i should move on is selfish. What do you guys think she is doing. It really pisses me off
na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 She wants you to move on and stop bothering her. So stop bothering her and start moving on. She doesn't know that she's giving you this false hope. She thinks she's being "nice" and is "trying not to hurt you". It's all BS. 1
Missing Him Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah, that sounds a lot like my situation. It's tough to move on because you still hold on to that hope, but eventually you realize that what you do in the present does not matter for her decision. You have to move on with your life in order to make YOU happy. You did the right thing by telling her you needed to move on. Now it's just a matter of doing it. And I know that's the toughest part... 2
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah, that sounds a lot like my situation. It's tough to move on because you still hold on to that hope, but eventually you realize that what you do in the present does not matter for her decision. You have to move on with your life in order to make YOU happy. You did the right thing by telling her you needed to move on. Now it's just a matter of doing it. And I know that's the toughest part... Its not easy but i know i have to move on. she has said it before and she is saying it again 10 days later. I just cant believe it i guess... its been 4 months and enough is enough. I just hate how every message screams with, "I cant do this right now but i know your such a great guy im going to regret this."
Missing Him Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Its not easy but i know i have to move on. she has said it before and she is saying it again 10 days later. I just cant believe it i guess... its been 4 months and enough is enough. I just hate how every message screams with, "I cant do this right now but i know your such a great guy im going to regret this." Yup! Heard the exact same things. Even when I said "You need to figure out what you want" he told me "I'll probably just realize I want you." I can't imagine that this has gone on for four months for you, though. I had enough after 2 weeks and had to just drop out of his life and remove him from mine. It sucks and I can't pretend there isn't still some hope, but you're doing the right thing. Honestly, 3 days of No Contact and I'm already seeing progress in myself.
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Yup! Heard the exact same things. Even when I said "You need to figure out what you want" he told me "I'll probably just realize I want you." I can't imagine that this has gone on for four months for you, though. I had enough after 2 weeks and had to just drop out of his life and remove him from mine. It sucks and I can't pretend there isn't still some hope, but you're doing the right thing. Honestly, 3 days of No Contact and I'm already seeing progress in myself. I did move on, i didnt hear from her for 2 months until she got wiff that i was doing well with a new girl. She wrote me letters, called, begged, and i fell for it. It eventually clouded my head so much that 2 weeks ago i broke things off with the new girl. Guess what, she said she wasnt ready to try again.... im a freaking idiot. NOW, January 1st, I blocked her on instagram and i will need to go that one month again and start going out. I will find another girl, i know that.. I like to say I am handsome, have a house at 23, on my way to owning the family business, make good money, and im funny. I just was so close to her family and everything about her. She was my backbone and I think that is the problem. But yes, it was Sept and im still dealing with it... its ridiculous.
LostOne1 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Hey guys, So im sure most of you know my story of my 2 year love of my life meeting some new guy she had feelings for and dumping me. She has never been sure of her decision, would talk to me, would meet me, begged for me back when I met someone new to the point where it ruined that relationship. Anyways, I gave her the option of trying to work on things and she said she wasnt ready. As a final straw for the new year, I messaged her on fb (she is blocked but i didnt want to text or call) stating that I need to move on, and the hope that she keeps giving me with "I know we have one shot to make this work but I am not ready" I would not settle for. I explained I will not be anyone's second option and that her selfish acts and feelings is not my problem and I am not angry or hurt because I know its all about her. Anyways, I was hoping for no response... wished her well and said I have to move on and she wrote back. Even though she said it kills her to have to say this, that I should move on and she agrees, she STILL throws hope at me. She states how hard it is to hit the send button but knows its the right thing to do right now. She states that maybe our paths will cross down the road blah blah blah. She said its not fair to call her selfish because she is the same person and shes sorry she screwed everything up so much that I cant see that anymore. She goes on to say she will miss me everyday blah blah blah. sHe giving me hope still and then saying i should move on is selfish. What do you guys think she is doing. It really pisses me off wow.. makes my ex cheating on me more likely now. She told me the same thing she wants to work it out, but that she's not ready and needs time. I guess it was her way of still keeping me as an option. Or maybe that's why she would tell me to move on... because she found someone else.
Missing Him Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Yep, sounds like she just wants you to wait for her to figure it out and is only now realizing how selfish that makes her. I hope you're able to move on for real this time!
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 wow.. makes my ex cheating on me more likely now. She told me the same thing she wants to work it out, but that she's not ready and needs time. I guess it was her way of still keeping me as an option. Or maybe that's why she would tell me to move on... because she found someone else. its all about them wanting you as an option. the sad thing is people can throw away 2 years for some guy they met and know nothing about 3 months ago
LostOne1 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 II just was so close to her family and everything about her. She was my backbone and I think that is the problem. But yes, it was Sept and im still dealing with it... its ridiculous. Yeah that's what hurt me more too. I was close wit her family.. in fact the ONLY guy she ever introduced to her family. She was that certain of me and being with me. And it was tough to see her have a sudden change from being crazy about me to not giving a total crap about me.
Mcnulty Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 The worst type of person to have in your life...dumps you, indecisive, non-commital, jealous and territorial...do you really want someone like that in your life, who uses you as a safety net and has the bloody nerve to try to keep you dangling?? Have self respect for yourself and cut all ties with this narcissist.
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Yep, sounds like she just wants you to wait for her to figure it out and is only now realizing how selfish that makes her. I hope you're able to move on for real this time! I know i will be able too.... im a strong person but the thing is i have been right with my gut through this whole thing and my gut is telling me she knows she is going to regret it and want to try and come back down the road. my gut is giving me hope and I NEED TO STOP THINKING THIS WAY
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 the worst type of person to have in your life...dumps you, indecisive, non-commital, jealous and territorial...do you really want someone like that in your life, who uses you as a safety net and has the bloody nerve to try to keep you dangling?? Have self respect for yourself and cut all ties with this narcissist. well said, your right
frederickkk Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I know i will be able too.... im a strong person but the thing is i have been right with my gut through this whole thing and my gut is telling me she knows she is going to regret it and want to try and come back down the road. my gut is giving me hope and I NEED TO STOP THINKING THIS WAY i cant help but think the same way too.
Isbnd Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I'm going through pretty much the same thing you are - mine was a 4 year relationship and she broke it off in Sept but over the past few weeks we 'tried' to make it work again and it didn't. Last night she broke it off for good. Over the past few weeks I told her I would straight up marry her and now I feel even worse now than I did in Sept. Lesson learned - don't hang on to the little bit of hope they throw your way no matter how desperate you are to grasp on to it and try to make it work out. In my case, I've essentially pissed away 4 months of recovery only to be right back where I started.
LostOne1 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 its all about them wanting you as an option. the sad thing is people can throw away 2 years for some guy they met and know nothing about 3 months ago yeah that part hit me hard man... I was with her for 3 yrs and it was the week of our 3rd anniversary. She met this guy for what.. 1 month max and threw me away for him. She did it, because he gave her lots of attention and I realized my ex was needy and craves attention from anyone that gives it to her. If some guy just does everything for her she goes off with him. It does hurt a lot to see someone throw it all away like that... but I guess it shows their true side. I'm glad she did it now than getting married etc.. It gives me a chance to find someone, who won't pull this crap on me.
LostOne1 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I'm going through pretty much the same thing you are - mine was a 4 year relationship and she broke it off in Sept but over the past few weeks we 'tried' to make it work again and it didn't. Last night she broke it off for good. Over the past few weeks I told her I would straight up marry her and now I feel even worse now than I did in Sept. Lesson learned - don't hang on to the little bit of hope they throw your way no matter how desperate you are to grasp on to it and try to make it work out. In my case, I've essentially pissed away 4 months of recovery only to be right back where I started. same here... if I had just accepted the BU when she made it clear. I would've saved myself lots of pain for the fall time. I kept on to her hope and she lead me on. It only felt better when I finally stopped letting her string me along. It hurt, but it was the only way to get better. I wasn't going to win back her heart and win this relationship. I was in a losing battle and it's best to retreat and back away from a losing battle.
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 same here... if I had just accepted the BU when she made it clear. I would've saved myself lots of pain for the fall time. I kept on to her hope and she lead me on. It only felt better when I finally stopped letting her string me along. It hurt, but it was the only way to get better. I wasn't going to win back her heart and win this relationship. I was in a losing battle and it's best to retreat and back away from a losing battle. Yeah i guess thats a good metaphor to use... like i said before, I deep down know that I am the one for her, we never fought and always saw eye to eye on things but when im 800 miles away and she has someone right next to her saying that he loves her after knowing her for 3 months, if i was a 20 year old girl, i would have a tough time going back with someone i see only once a month. Its just down right dirty how life works. I had my faults but I also have a lot going for me.. and for her to throw it away from some kid, it just eats me alive. And then on top of it all, when i finally put my foot down and I do call her selfish, she comes back with another selfish act saying she will miss me everyday and maybe our paths will cross down the road... its crazy
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Lol @ the guys who thinks she's sincere and really wants to keep him around as an option, girl's don't do that it's not in their nature, they have over 3.5 billion options and they know it! na49 is right, She's agreeing that he moves on, but trying to be nice about it and giving him some crocodile tears... "Oh it pains me so much to let you go".. and what she was thinking while writing that is.. "but this new guy just makes me cum so hard:love: "... Your girl doesn't want you anymore. Once you understand that in its harshest form, you'll stop contact completely and begin the long, hard, depressing, hurtful and exhausting process of moving on. touche lol thank you for that
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 She wants you to move on and stop bothering her. So stop bothering her and start moving on. She doesn't know that she's giving you this false hope. She thinks she's being "nice" and is "trying not to hurt you". It's all BS. If only it could be that easy...
na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 If only it could be that easy... Trust me. I know it isn't easy. I struggle with it every day. It's reality though, and we don't live in a fantasy world so we have to deal with it. In OP's situation, she is clearly telling him how she feels, so there isn't much else to be said.
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Trust me. I know it isn't easy. I struggle with it every day. It's reality though, and we don't live in a fantasy world so we have to deal with it. In OP's situation, she is clearly telling him how she feels, so there isn't much else to be said. yeah I know...Im just overly-sympathetic I think...even to my ex. You have to admit though...it IS awfully darn hard to pour your heart out to someone...and have it go ignored. ESPECIALLY when that same person used to tell you that they loved you. The silence is absolutely deafening.
na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 yeah I know...Im just overly-sympathetic I think...even to my ex. You have to admit though...it IS awfully darn hard to pour your heart out to someone...and have it go ignored. ESPECIALLY when that same person used to tell you that they loved you. The silence is absolutely deafening. It's extremely hard. It makes it difficult to see ourselves loving someone like that ever again. Their coldness and indifference towards us after they were so into us for so long is a killer. We will never understand their thought process in deciding to have us out of their lives, especially when we tried so hard to keep them happy. To have that not be enough will hurt for a while. No matter how much we love them, they will never love us back. I consider myself somewhat religious, so reading the passage in your signature was a little refreshing.
crashvector Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It's extremely hard. It makes it difficult to see ourselves loving someone like that ever again. Their coldness and indifference towards us after they were so into us for so long is a killer. We will never understand their thought process in deciding to have us out of their lives, especially when we tried so hard to keep them happy. To have that not be enough will hurt for a while. No matter how much we love them, they will never love us back. I consider myself somewhat religious, so reading the passage in your signature was a little refreshing. I am somewhat religious as well. 1 Corinthians 3:4-7. the last three words. That's what *I* understood that my ex did NOT...and she considers herself to be a very religious woman.
Author jags2bowl27 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I am somewhat religious as well. 1 Corinthians 3:4-7. the last three words. That's what *I* understood that my ex did NOT...and she considers herself to be a very religious woman. I think a lot has to do with influences around them also... which comes with life I know and thats why most regret their decisions a long time after the break up.... they move onto different parts of their lives. Mine is 20 and in college, enough said. She has more birds chirping in her ear then sunrise on a farm
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