sangel07 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 So, I know that NC is supposed to mean no contact AT ALL and it might not be very smart to allow yourself exceptions, but last year it made me so miserable not to exchange any Xmas wishes with the man I love and I spent all day crying wondering if I should or shouldn't text him, that this time I felt the need to set some rules, to at least agree on how to handle these damned holidays and save myself the trouble of deciding what to do. So 3 weeks ago when I asked him not to contact me anymore, we agreed we would just send wishes for holidays and birthdays. I know many of you will think it's just an easy way out, but that's how I felt at the time and it made me feel nicely in control. It helped knowing when I would hear from him and not dreading the possibility of him contacting me out of the blue (while wanting it at the same time). So we sent each other nice texts for Xmas and NYE and the last one kind of crushed me, cause it included things I didn't expect to read. Anyway, I know I have to suck it up since I basically asked for it and now deserve all the consequences. I guess that by writing this I just wanted to tell you and myself that I'm proud of myself for not writing back and starting a conversation - God knows I was SO tempted! A couple of times I even started typing, then deleted everything. Anyway, I didn't text back and I'm glad I was strong enough to stick to my decision. Right now it feels like that's all I've got left to hold on to - my willpower and the determination to move on since I've really done anything I can to make things work. Doesn't mean I'll easily stop loving him or missing him, but at least I won't ever feel like a pathetic weakling again. Once he told me that my determination what was he loved about me, since it was hidden behind softness and apparent insecurity, but it was there - so, let's put it to good use. Thanks to all of you here on LS for sharing experiences and supporting each other during this fight.
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