ZaraF Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 A few days ago, I lost my virginity so someone I hardly knew. Growing up I was quite sensible and believed in sex after marriage. (That's how my culture is). I waited, I did not have sex with someone I loved for five years. I kept on saying no and eventually we broke up. I lost my virginity at the age of 25 to a 29 year old man. He has no feelings for me. He didn't even call me later and ask how I was doing. I am confused about something, why do I feel like I was used and discarded. Why do I have feelings for him. I know he doesn't deserve me, but I still want him to at least try to have a normal relationship with me. I know that is naive and I should move on. Why do I feel as if I'm in love with him? Do you think it was okay for him to move on and not care about my feelings. Perhaps, that's how life is. Please advice.
Minadee Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Oh sweetheart :/ giant hugs to you! Can't imagine how you're feeling right now. First things first, don't torture yourself over this guy. He did not deserve to be your first time but this has happened and you must accept this if you want to move on. He sounds like a complete jerk, so cry and talk to your girlfriends or to a counceller for a while because it is natural to want to grieve. Don't let this man take over your life. 1
sangel07 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I feel for you - for a number of reasons I waited a long time too and I reached the point when I was really unhappy about it, but didn't have a relationship anymore and the only way out would have been to do it with someone I really didn't care about. When I had the chance I couldn't do it, and then I was lucky enough to have the chance to do it with someone I really loved. Things didn't work out after that and I suffered a lot, but I'm glad it was with someone special. In your case, I don't blame you at all for choosing someone you had no feelings for. It is a completely legitimate choice, but now you need to keep in mind that it was just sex and that you can't expect any feelings to be involved. You probably feel this way because you are a caring person who normally would link sex to feelings, but in this case the 2 levels are very different. Try focusing on this and you'll realize that you were not discarded, since that would require a sentimental element that was never there in the first place. I'm sure you'll have lots of more satisfying experiences in the future with men who'll have feelings for you and you'll be able to live it fully. In the meantime, try taking the good out of this experience and use it to move on more confidently towards your next experiences. I wish you the best! 1
littlesunshine Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 This must be really hard for you I just want to hug you. I understand why you would be confused about your feelings, and that they are completely natural. Any human being would feel the same way as you do in your position. I think it's because that you grew up believing sex after marriage that makes you feel a sense of "false affection" for this guy. I think it's that you believe sex should be something for someone you will spend the rest of your life with, that when you had sex with him you subconsciously recognize and associate him with someone you will spend the rest of your life with. And I think time and friends will make you see that he does not deserve you and help you get over him. I don't think it's okay for him to not care about your feelings, but he might not think so. If that's the case he's just another douche, so no need to feel sad about him. And don't make yourself uneasy because this happened, you have to accept it. By and large, don't let him bring you down, hold your head up high and keep on going. 1
TheUnthoughtKnown Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm sorry, that's really **** for you. Call me old fashioned but there's something so intimate and personal about sex that you never lose. Especially if its your first time, you want to make that as special and beautiful as possible. Sadly, there's lots of guys out there who don't give a good **** about women. Different if it was someone with experience who knew what they were getting themselves into, but a woman who chooses to give their virginity to you is something I feel you should cherish and appreciate, not abuse and throw away. I've taken four girls virginities, and I'll always appreciate and be flattered by the fact I was their first - and I'll forever be in their memories even if I'm not in their lives. And for that reason I did everything I could to make that first time special for each of those girls. And I know that I did, and that they appreciated that. Not enough people appreciate the sanctity of sex; the beauty and intimacy and preciousness of it. Aside from Dolphins, we are the only creatures on Earth who have sex for reasons other than reproduction (so David Attenborough tells me), and I think there's too many people who don't appreciate what we have. Apologies for rambling, it's just something that's always irritated me. God help me if I ever have a daughter because I'll probably never sleep for worry. Being a guy, I know how lecherous men can be when it comes to sex. Anyways, hopefully you can move past this guy and find someone who appreciates you and doesn't attempt to use you. Sorry your first time wasn't what you wanted it to be. Hope the guy gets what's coming to him. 1
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