Dazed_Confused1989 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Hi all, Happy holidays and best wishes for an amazing new year! I first posted on this forum in Sept/Oct 2012 to get some help/insight for coping with the loss of a 5 year relationship. The last 3 months have been stupidly busy, which was fantastic actually - it helped me keep my mind off the issues. But whenever I was alone, or free I found my mind drifting back. Even today, a day has not gone by in the 4 months where I have not thought about her. My thoughts are mostly angry and negative (I won't elaborate). I am feeling good. Working out, having a good time at work, and starting to get back with my friends. But she keep popping up in my head like an annoying mosquito. I've started to immediately block it once she comes into my head, changing my thoughts. Just want to get some perspective: Does anyone else have experiences like this? Does this fade with time? (it hasn't so far, in the 4 months). Are there techniques to blocking her from your thoughts? Thanks!
SlyMan320 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Honestly, give it double the amount of time. I went 8 months NC (up until yesterday) and i have seen a SIGNIFICANT improvement. I used to be madly in love. Sincerely. When i was with my ex for the first time in over 8 months just yesterday, i didnt get those giddy feelings, butterflies in the stomach, any of that. Yes i do think about her all the time.. but i know she'll be off doing whatever she wants to be happy. I realized i can live without her and while I may never have that feeling of love like i had for her, I will do my best to find someone that values me more than she did hope it helps! 1
Author Dazed_Confused1989 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Honestly, give it double the amount of time. I went 8 months NC (up until yesterday) and i have seen a SIGNIFICANT improvement. I used to be madly in love. Sincerely. When i was with my ex for the first time in over 8 months just yesterday, i didnt get those giddy feelings, butterflies in the stomach, any of that. Yes i do think about her all the time.. but i know she'll be off doing whatever she wants to be happy. I realized i can live without her and while I may never have that feeling of love like i had for her, I will do my best to find someone that values me more than she did hope it helps! Thanks for the advice! I also now feel that I can be happy - maybe happier - with someone else. I would have NEVER EVER believed this just 2-3 months ago. I've learnt it takes time, but also a commitment to yourself to be strong and committed to improving yourself and staying positive.
na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 When you try not to think about elephants, what do you think about? elephants. I don't know if "blocking" her from your thoughts is possible. If you find yourself thinking about her, then think about her. Just recognize that you're doing it and once you're done, start thinking about other things. My ex still is in my head too. I don't want her to be there, but she is. Slowly but surely, it will just stop having the same affect. As you noticed, the thoughts don't effect you like they used to. You're making improvement obviously, just stay the course and do you.
mgce Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Dazed, Your situation is so normal and expected it's not even funny. You're going *exactly* down the path you need to be going (even if it's annoying that it's full of bumps and potholes like this). Just go on living life and let each day/week/month go by and bring what it brings. You'll get where you need to be without having to even try. I really want to see what your status post on January 1, 2014 will look like.
Samilia Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I like Slyman's answer. NC might not make you stop loving them but it helps you gather the strength to move on and not feel like miserable if you do run into them or end up spending the evening with them.
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