BrighterFuture Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I did not want to ring in the new year with tears, hurt, and resentment, but yet here I am. I don't know whether it's just because I'm tired (really late night and little sleep) but I'm just having a completely miserable morning. I can't stop thinking about my ex and the girl he left me for...or probably more accurately the girl that stole him from me. I've been crying on and off all morning thinking about them happy together and completely unashamed of what they did...also hurting thinking about how he lied to me when I was honestly nothing but good to him. I feel so disrespected. My self-esteem is so low now because he replaced me, and the deceitful way that he did it is an added blow. The girl is definitely to blame as well. It's the same old story and I know mulling over it and getting depressed doesn't help me, but it hurts just the same. I feel lost as to how to move past this. Some say to stop thinking about it, but the more I push the thoughts away the more likely they are to flood back unexpectedly (such as this morning). I want to come to accept what happened, but I still have so much hurt and resentment I don't even know where to begin. I hate how much power this breakup has over me, and there's nothing I want more than to be over it. I don't at all want him back anymore, but i'm stuck at a point where I'm having trouble moving past these facts: 1) that he left me for someone else 2) that he lied about it 3) that the girl he left me for shamelessly crossed certain boundaries while me and him were together (and now she has him all to herself) and 4) that I didn't do anything to deserve any of it (probably the hardest thing) Help! Words of encouragement please!
sangel07 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 So sorry about how you're feeling. I have had a miserable 1st January too... not a great way to start the new year, uh. But I would like to draw your attention to the following things: - "the girl he left me for shamelessly crossed certain boundaries while me and him were together (and now she has him all to herself)" -> well, she can enjoy him now, but I don't know how long it will last and how much they'll be able to trust each other if this whole thing started with lies and deception. If someone lied and cheated *for* you, he/she's ready to do it *to* you too, when the next person comes along - "I didn't do anything to deserve any of it" -> I know it isn't fair, and it sucks. But in the long run it pays knowing that you can't blame yourself. That's what will let you sleep at night and restore your self-esteem quickly, since it seems like you're the good person here and you'll be a gift to someone else when all this pain is in the past
Pinky777 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I know it's hard. But at least you can hold your head up high knowing it's nothing you did. He doesn't care, and the sooner you realize that hopefully the sooner you can stop caring as well. That's what helped me get past divorce. I was so sick and tired of caring while he didn't at all. It was exhausting. It won't be easy, but you'll get to a point where you'll just be so tired of it all and push him in your past where he belongs. Those two deserve each other, and I guarantee you one of them will cheat on the other eventually. Smile and walk away knowing you're the better person.
todreaminblue Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) I feel for you brighter future and know what it feels like to have thoughts about the other woman that are consuming.......I was not so upset with the fact she was with my partner and that he left me for her.......i gave him the ultimatum ...he left.....but what i was upset about and consumed me was two things.....one the abandonment of his children in a time they really needed him to be there..my best friend stepped in and guarded my nest while i was in hospital with a depression that almost took me out..he was busy between her legs...while my children suffered...i hav ea lot of guilt i wasnt able to be there...i nearly died though and i had no choice...they court ordered me and intervened..two he was sleeping with her and me at the same time.... two things i have come to realize.... i forgave him a long time ago, i blamed her a lot, as a woman i did not see how she could do this to children (she had a son ), i understood i wasnt important but messing with my family.....huge fo rme...i go kamikaze.... and i also classed her as dirty for having sex with my partner and i felt she knew i was still with him......a phone call i had with her where she denied knowing him...... so yes i understand consuming thoughts....this xmas ...i spoke to her for the first time really...i thought enough is enough now....its time....and she was so pleased to speak to me.....smiling the whole way through the phone call with a soft voice and well wishes.......this si six years on...i spent new years possibly snoring by myself with a flatulent rottie at the end of my bed.....but i am at peace with my past...i knwo that grudges make me sad...maybe they make you sad too.....i am sorry you had a bad new years.........at least you were safe and warm and comfortable...i spent one new years waiting for my ex fending of saliva soaked drunks from sticking their tongue down my throat 10 hours i had to wait for the morning train to come i will never for get that...cold alone, no money to buy a coffee and harassed.....the smell of vomit in the air from very drunks revellers......not my best new years that was my worst...i have spent many new years alone......not a huge drinker..cant handle it....so not a popular person to spend new years with i much prefer to be at home warm in my bed....with my flatulent rottie...even though she really smells like egg.....i am not fond of egg...makes me retch.......lol sorry severe tangent.....i am friends now with my ex and his new flame tentatively....i am an old flame......but this flame isnt going out for anyone......the next guy is going to deserve it.....stay true to yourself...forgive those that truly suck....and stay bright....because your future will always be brighter if you do.....hugs atcha....deb Edited January 1, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author BrighterFuture Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Thank you guys for your words of encouragement! Thoughts of them together and how they wronged me keep clouding my brain and I need to learn to refocus. I hate that they're taking up so much of my mental space!!!!
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