SidLyon Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 I am here. Just watching and reading. I think the only reason I am still at home is the kids. I know this excuse sucks and it is probably over used. I also am aware of the hurt that I would cause. Don't think that because I am a man that I am not hurting either though. My marriage is one that is crumbling and it has from the start even before any of this. My wife is very controlling. This I have come to realize (through counselling). Yes, I said counselling. Both as a couple and as an induvidual. I feel very unappriciated at home and am often put down. (she says things like I am not her best friend and that I am unattractive) There is no communication between us, nor has there ever been. I don't have any imput on any decisions other than those that are financial. I work and she doesn't. I come home from 10 hour days and immediatly start to clean or cook dinner. She plays me very well. Do I feel guilty about what I am doing? Yes and no. My OW woman brings me so much joy and happiness that I feel that I deserve. Am I being fair to her (OW), no. However it is not easy for me to leave. I don't care about possessions, Kmart cookware, or paper thin apartment walls. I am worried about my children and the effect of all this will have on them. If I were to tell my wife that I was leaving she would go balistic. If she found out about this she would go ballastic. So basically I feel stuck. Like my tires are spinning in the mud. Thank you for the feed back positive and negative! There's a couple of other threads going about the married affair partner's complaints about his/her spouse and standard affair justifications. Have you been reading them, because it looks as though you have? I mentioned before the MM having an affair manual, and here's a few you've got straight from it (my comments on some of these in bold): - only staying for the kids (ie nothing else counts) - controlling BW (so controlling that she's managed to "make" you have an affair) - BW puts MM down all th time - MM is not the "best friend" of his wife - (well you aren't are you?) - MM's efforts completely unappreciated by BW (hmm - you expect her to appreciate all the effort you're putting into having an A and where do you find the time anyway?) - never been any communication between the married couple (what never? why on earth did you marry then?) - BW doesn't work outside the home and MM works all day and then comes home to cook dinner for wife and kids (so don't they eat at all while you're away? Don't get to and from school, or any other activities) Honestly this sounds like just standard "wife minimization". If you have 10 hours of working hard each day and see your OW "often", as you claim, and then this must mean you are away from home for at least an average of 12 hours a day. How old are your kids and who cares for them during this time if your wife is such terrible wife/mother? If you really care about your kids and this is even remotely true (which I doubt) then your actions are contributing to a very toxic family life for these kids you claim to care about so much. It sounds like you might even have good grounds for leaving and taking the kids with you. Why have you put up with this sort of abuse against you and your kids for so long anyway? Most likely your marriage/relationship is crumbling due to the efforts you're investing elsewhere and your wife is attempting to gain back some control over your disintegrating family life/relationships which you are completely turning around against her. 3
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