jinxed2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 me and my wife are married for about 4 years. she kept complaining about my work travel, me not being emotionally available etc, etc. but i dint pay much attention initially and gave her sometime to handle it herself. I believe, its more important to not compromise on the individuality in the marriage. i believe in keeping my things to myself. She complaint about me not sharing anything with her. gradually things started getting tense and both could feel it. I distanced myself, thinking that time will make things ok. we stared having very ugly fights where she would go out of the house to avoid being with me. And slowly when I didn't give in on my friends/schedule and other things which take up most of my time. i sometimes used to get annoyed, i tried calling her parents also, because that used to threaten her and clam her down. One month back she gave me an ultimatum. That she has been feeling uphappy in the marriage, and i need to address this issue or otherwise she will walk out of the marriage. i was shocked and took a stern way, and said that 'i wont change myself, as i am doing nothing wrong' , this is what I truly believe! Even after we decided to stay separately, i was dragging my feet to find a house but one day she found a pack of condoms in my bag which i had carried to through away, out of frustration. i got furious and walked out of the house. its been a month now and she says that she needs a divorce. I love her but I expect her to understand that i will not give in to her emotional blackmail. what should i do?
Angel Heart Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Just ask yourself what you want to do; that's the important answer.
KraftDinner Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 She is unhappy because you're emotionally unavailable, so you "distance" yourself? You don't feel you should change anything about yourself. So don't. But let her get on with her life. Being with an emotionally unavailable guy is one of the most painful things to endure. It's constant rejection. Soul-destroying. The one person who is supposed to love you more than anyone else in the world is completely turning his back on you. Do her a favour and let her be. If you care about her at all, let her go. You clearly have no idea how much your withdrawing/withholding is crushing her. Find someone who is equally emotionally reserved.
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 me and my wife are married for about 4 years. she kept complaining about my work travel, me not being emotionally available etc, etc. but i dint pay much attention initially and gave her sometime to handle it herself. So your response to her complaint about you not being available was to not pay much attention. Kind of justifies her complaint. I believe, its more important to not compromise on the individuality in the marriage. i believe in keeping my things to myself. A relationship does require some compromise - you cannot have everything your way. Keeping things to yourself just maintains a barrier in the marriage. She complaint about me not sharing anything with her. gradually things started getting tense and both could feel it. I distanced myself, thinking that time will make things ok. Once again your reaction is exactly what she is complaining about. we stared having very ugly fights where she would go out of the house to avoid being with me. And slowly when I didn't give in on my friends/schedule and other things which take up most of my time. Where does your wife fit in to your schedule? Do you spend more time with friends than you do with her? i sometimes used to get annoyed, i tried calling her parents also, because that used to threaten her and clam her down. Threaten her???? One month back she gave me an ultimatum. That she has been feeling uphappy in the marriage, and i need to address this issue or otherwise she will walk out of the marriage. i was shocked and took a stern way, and said that 'i wont change myself, as i am doing nothing wrong' , this is what I truly believe! So she wants to talk and deal with the problems and your attitude is head in the sand. Even after we decided to stay separately, i was dragging my feet to find a house but one day she found a pack of condoms in my bag which i had carried to through away, out of frustration. i got furious and walked out of the house. So you have a packet of condoms yet you are furious with her when she finds them? It's not her who is at fault here. its been a month now and she says that she needs a divorce. I love her but I expect her to understand that i will not give in to her emotional blackmail. what should i do? I'm sorry but who is really going for the emotional blackmail here? You want it all your way and will not listen to your wife or give her time. You have also shown her that you are ready to cheat on her. I think you need to consider your actions and attitude here. I am not sure whether you two should be married more because of you and your selfishness than anything about your wife.
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Just ask yourself what you want to do; that's the important answer. That's all he is interested in already. Edited January 1, 2013 by anne1707 3
Author jinxed2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 well! she used to threaten me that she will kill herself. what if she did anything to herself! I would spend all my life in Jail! She popped pills 6 months into the marriage. I am not such a monster!
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Apart from the fact that you would not go to jail in that situation, how does your response reflect on the comments made about your OP? Or are you choosing to ignore again how you might not be doing right by your wife?
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 what does op mean? In this context - Opening/Original Post
Author jinxed2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Thanks. My question is that i am not doing anything wrong. Why would she want me to change! my job, my ngo, my friends, she has the same freedom why doesn't she enjoy it!
anne1707 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Thanks. My question is that i am not doing anything wrong. Why would she want me to change! my job, my ngo, my friends, she has the same freedom why doesn't she enjoy it! You really don't get it, do you? The problem is that you really believe you are doing nothing wrong. You are guilty of the things your wife accuses you of but you stand by what you are doing. She married you because she wants to be with you, not for you to cut her off and spend most of your time with your friends/schedule. Please let your wife go so she can find someone who really does love her.
Gunny376 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 There are exceptions to the rule of course ~ individuals are well ~ individuals? And if anything? Individuals vary from one individual to the other? But in and of as a general rule? Anytime a man puts anything before his GF/SO/Wife/woman to an excess? Its not a question of "IF" they will leave? But WHEN they will leave. More often not after years upon years of emotional neglect. A man puts his hobbies, hunting, fishing, gambling, gaming, buddies, drinking, friends, family, Mother, work, etc before "Her" she isn't going to be going? She's going to be gone! The sooner you learn this? The better off you'll be! That is unless you just want to be totally and completely selfish and be single ~ because that is what you will be. Oh women will come and go through the years ~ but NONE (with rare exception) will stay on board for the long haul! They'll move on. A relationship let alone a marriage is by definition is suppose to be about sharing, companionship, completmeting, nuturing, giving, en-powering, validating, loving, giving, a partnership. Bringing your strengths to the relationship ~ her bringing hers. 1
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