irc333 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Okay, I was looking through my friend's wedding montage, and there was a quote there that stated, "I married my best friend!" And I kind of thought the irony of how people here or in general, esp. MEN, seem to be in total anguish on how they are ALWAYS getting friendzoned! But yet, here we are, people marrying their "best friend"? I don't get it. Of course, there is an "awwwww, how sweet factor" when you see that quote is probably ONLY appealing to the couple that's getting married, and perhaps friends and loved ones. But to a man that's always put in the FZ, it boggles their minds how this could possibly even be believable? I think this is why some men, who are FZ by certain women, are holding out for THAT woman...carrying a torch for them. Apparently, they saw something similar at a friend's wedding....perhaps when the vows were stated, "Katie, you're my best friend! With this ring I thee wed!" "You may now kiss the bride and the woman who Friendzoned you!" Or was it REALLY even a FZ? Please explain the contradiction here?
xxoo Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I married my best friend. From the time we got together, we were inseparable. We'd spend hours together, go home, and get on the phone to talk some more. Best friends! But we also couldn't keep our hands off each other. That's the key factor in avoiding "friendzone". 1
carhill Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Your lover *becomes* your best friend over time. Cart and horse. 5
phineas Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I used to meet women who told me they just wanted to be friends & hang out. I would always wind up being FZ'd because I was a sad little "beta" with no options & little confidence. LOL! Now, i'm confident with options. Very few woman seek my friendship but when they do, I treat these women like friends (because they said we are just friends) don't give them a lot of attention & hit on / date other women. Stick to my #1 rule of not answering to a woman who isn't busting my nut & i'm in there. Essentially I don't let myself become a boyfriend without benefits & they end up wanting me. also interestingly enough those women who friendzoned me I called out on their poor behavior when i'd had enough & froze them out without acting like I was butt-hurt. They have since come sniffing around & I assumed it was because I lost weight & got in shape & I'm thinking that was only part of it. I think showing them I was able to walk away & cut them off also made me more attractive to them.
KraftDinner Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Most guys who complain about being friendzoned are really just going for girls out of their leagues (who like having the guys around because they like the attention). The problem is the guy not being able to read the cues that she isn't interested in the way he'd like. More social-savvy guys don't have this problem and don't allow themselves to be used like this. Other couples do start out as friends but don't get into relationships until later, but they weren't necessarily friendzoned first. Being friends doesn't nec mean being friendzoned. 3
El Brujo Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I think that "friend =/= sex" thing is just another one of those bogus unwritten rules that some self-proclaimed relationship expert made up. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Author irc333 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Right, I mean, people who "tout" "I just married my best friend!" and people get all sappy and romantic when they hear that stuff...and the first thing that comes to mind is..."Um, so what's with all this Friendzone talk I keep hearing about if this is the case??"
movingon12 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 There are real friends - when neither person wants a romantic/sexual relationship. There are friendzone friends - when one person wants a romantic/sexual relationship and the other doesn't. And 'spouse' friends - which is basically meaningless and is just used to gloat about how in love they are. Essentially they're saying they like each other A LOT. Which given that they just got married is sort of, well, duh.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 It's a combination of what carhill said and what kraft dinner said. People can be friends for a time (Maybe their in relationships, maybe their coworkers, maybe they have friends in common, etc.) then become lovers when the timing and circumstances are right. People can become lovers...just be FWB. Then over time they discover that they have real common ground, and find that their FWB is their best friend. Then they get married. Make no mistake about it. Those people aren't lying about marrying their best friend. I look at my parents and see just such a relationship. The thing is their journey to being married wasn't straight forward. @Phineas Whatever works for you man. I just hope that by the time you marry a woman you consider her to be at least a friend, as well as a lover. You certainly won't want to marry just someone you have sex with would you?
taiko Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 "friend zoned" like "just friends" imply's there is something more available to friends. That something more is living together as a family and accepting an exchange of bodily fluids. Those marriages to best friends removed the "just" from "friends" 1
CptSaveAho Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I have no intention of marrying my best friend I want to marry my lover and partner in crime
phineas Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 @Phineas Whatever works for you man. I just hope that by the time you marry a woman you consider her to be at least a friend, as well as a lover. You certainly won't want to marry just someone you have sex with would you? I'm divorced. I married a woman I was friends with at work for a while before we dated. We got a long great & sex was amazing. Then she cheated, i was financially ruined & almost lost my house. I'm 41 in a few weeks. I honestly see zero benefit for me to ever marry again. I've also been turning down women who I don't see as long term potential even if they want to get with me casually. We'll see how long I can hold out on that front though. LOL!
Mrlonelyone Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I'm divorced. I married a woman I was friends with at work for a while before we dated. We got a long great & sex was amazing. Then she cheated, i was financially ruined & almost lost my house. I'm 41 in a few weeks. I honestly see zero benefit for me to ever marry again. I've also been turning down women who I don't see as long term potential even if they want to get with me casually. We'll see how long I can hold out on that front though. LOL! Yeah, once burned twice remembered. You're talking to someone who was pretty evenly bisexual my whole life and totally swore off women for a while because I was treated sooo bad by two one after the other. I've messed with too many women who regarded me as barely human let alone a friend, and had one or two I can still count as at least a friend. Once burned twice remembered. Between a relationship with a real friend and with a hot fling, right now I need the friend with every benefit under the sun more. Weather you marry them or live with them in a sort of common law situation you certainly a certain intimacy and friendship beyond just sexuality must take hold. (Which does not mean, as some think, that sexuality must fade for that to happen.) I won't judge your way don't judge mine.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Friend zone doesn't exist. You are just friends because a woman has zero sexual attraction to you. People on here assume that a woman has zero sexual attrction to you BECAUSE you are friends. Not so. You might consider this. I met 2 men on OKC. I told man #1 after the first date: "I don't feel the spark, but I would really like to stay friends" He eagerly agrees, starts to organize friendly get togethers while most likely hoping I will change my mind. I told man #2 after the first date: "I don't feel the spark, but I would really like to stay friends" He said: "I don't believe in platonic friendships between men and women. Thanks, but I will pass" 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Friend zone doesn't exist. You are just friends because a woman has zero sexual attraction to you. People on here assume that a woman has zero sexual attrction to you BECAUSE you are friends. Not so. You might consider this. I met 2 men on OKC. I told man #1 after the first date: "I don't feel the spark, but I would really like to stay friends" He eagerly agrees, starts to organize friendly get togethers while most likely hoping I will change my mind. I told man #2 after the first date: "I don't feel the spark, but I would really like to stay friends" He said: "I don't believe in platonic friendships between men and women. Thanks, but I will pass" You see though, what you just described from guy 1 is what is properly described a the "friend zone". The thing is Guy1 isn't a real friend. He met you via dating. You only had one date, and have no other basis for friendship. So he's not a real friend. When I, and others write of dating/marrying a friend we think of people that we would socialize with totally outside of a dating context. i.e. coworkers or people in the same industry, people who live in the same community, people who are part of the same circles as ourselves. In these cases people get to know eachother without the fakery of romantic dating and become real friends. In such instances there is something, external, or internal fear keeping the potential lovers apart. Get it? 3
xxoo Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 That's what the friendzone is. Women don't attempt to befriend men they do have a sexual attraction to. Women meet men they are attracted to at work, in school, in social groups, etc. People in normal life aren't always screening people they meet as potential dates. Sometimes you are just put together socially, get along great, and attraction becomes undeniable. Other times you get along great, but there is no attraction. If she tells you she wants to "just be friend"--believe her.
carhill Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 My definition of the 'friend-zone' is a demonstrated feature of a person's psychology where they forward the *appearance* of dating and getting to know whilst *feeling* little to no attraction and *using* the other person for attention/validation/companionship/money/getting over an ex/making another person jealous, etc, etc. They are *thinking* the interactions purely with selfish intent and the other person is *unaware* of said intent in any clear and/or demonstrative way during the period of being friendzoned. Generally, reality occurs when the party 'poofs' like they were never there. Met lots of those in life. A few have told me directly how they practice the behavior, perhaps to add insult to injury. It made sense. Otherwise healthy women who view certain men as platonic friends engage in none of these behaviors. Their feelings of platonic friendship are sincere and their actions bear out those feelings. They do not 'think' the relationship. They are great allies to men. In the context of juxtaposing 'I married my best friend' and 'the friendzone', the two realities are in different universes of health and practice, IMO. When a person announces that they've married their best friend, and feel that, the 'friendzone' is in that other universe, billions of light years distant. I don't know if science can define how separated they are. That said, nothing is absolute and forever, except death, so beware. Universes can meet. Feelings can become thoughts and a deliberate stranger can emerge. Good luck. 1
Alma Mobley Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 By the time I married my husband, I considered him my best friend. He still is. I always assumed that's what people meant when they said they are married to their best friend. I think relationships that truly started out as just friends are much less common, but I suppose it happens - and not often enough to give hope to people who are "in the friend zone."
PogoStick Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 That's classic association fallacy. Some guys get friend-zoned. Matt is friends with Sara. Therefore Matt and Sara cannot be more than friends. 1
FitChick Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'm hoping to marry a man whom I consider my best friend. I'll let you know when I meet him!
somedude81 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Your lover *becomes* your best friend over time. Cart and horse. Exactly. With that in mind, I find it very odd why one would marry somebody who is not their best friend.
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 In my generation, a shotgun was a strong and ominous persuader 2
Clockwork Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Let's put it one way, if you and your wife are NOT best friends, then there is a problem. Your wife should be the person in the world you are the closest to. I feel that way about my wife yet still carry a torch for her everyday. Believe me, I don't think of her like a "friend" at all, but you are naturally each other's best friend if you have a good relationship
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