KS11 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 So its been a while since i posted on here. But i could really use a shoulder.. Some of you might know my story already, and to be honest given what happened a couple of months ago, i really thought i'd be back here with a rare success story, saying that if you do take a chance and fight hard enough sometimes things fall into place, but things are now so messed up. Basically, from her making the move and kissing me, telling me she whats to give things are go, she now tells me that the friendship is gone and so is that closeness, that its no longer a friendship but something else. She tells me she needs time to figure out what she wants...again. I know deep down all the writings on the wall, if i needed any more evidence her lack of affection over Xmas and New Year showed that. The thing that annoys me so much is she seems incapable of having a conversation about it, she can't seem to understand that i need to know where i stand. Everytime i bring it up, she either just ignores it or gets angry and nothing gets resolved, so it just builds and builds. I really thought she wanted to give it a decent shot and its heartbreaking to know that clearly it doesnt matter to her. I just dont know how to end it. I can't believe its been two years and im still stuck in the same situation. Totally miserable, everytime i hear from her it kills me, yet at the same time when i dont talk to her, that also kills, how ridiculous is that. Im petrified of losing her and having to face what remains. Everytime i think about the idea that i will never see or hear from again, it makes my chest just beat uncontrollably, which is pathetic i know. I just cant stop imagining what we could have, or holding on to hope that this beautiful girl might feel something... what am i doing
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Ok, re-read your post as if you were reading it written by someone else, a complete stranger. What is wrong with this picture? You're hanging in your own self-made limbo. The writing is on the wall. This is going nowhere. "I need to know where I stand".... Friend - we can all SEE where you stand. Why can't you? You're a FWB, but you're also a pain in the butt because you want more, she doesn't want to be pressured or obliged to give more. There is nothing left to lose. It all went ages ago. The only thing you're clinging to is your own illusory, false hope. It's a dim light, and getting dimmer. What are you doing? Repeating the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result. Insane. Like hopping round and round with one foot nailed to the floor. What am I doing.... should be: What do I need to do? And you know precisely what that is. Look, right at the beginning of 2013 - do you see yourself in the same painful, stagnant, dead-end place at the beginning of 2014? Christ, I hope not. In that case - change things. For the better. For you. Quit whining, start walking. Read my No Contact Guide Link - and DO IT. Edited January 1, 2013 by TaraMaiden
Author KS11 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Hi Tara, Thanks for your reply. The thing i dont get is if all i am is friend, then why did she initiate something a few weeks back? F**k i know your right, i just want to believe i matter. I was really thinking that today would have been a fresh start, and i would have got the balls to cut her out. You ask how do i see myself at the end of 2014, if im honest all i can think is that i'll still miss her like crazy then. I've read so many posts on here of people who still cant get over their relationships months and years after.
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Hi Tara, Thanks for your reply. The thing i dont get is if all i am is friend, then why did she initiate something a few weeks back? Maybe to see whether she had made a mistake? The fact is, she now believes she didn't. She's not in any way shape or form, keen to revive this. She tried once, and it didn't work. And you can't be just 'friends'. Your heart and love for her will forever get in the way. Friendship never works with someone who's got our heart in their hands. I was really thinking that today would have been a fresh start, and i would have got the balls to cut her out. You ask how do i see myself at the end of 2014, if im honest all i can think is that i'll still miss her like crazy then. I've read so many posts on here of people who still cant get over their relationships months and years after. Yeah. And I tell them exactly what I tell you. The power to move on is in your hands, and in your mind. if you're still stuck here a year from now - then I'm sorry, you'll only have yourself to blame.....
xilver Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 She wouldn't have contacted you if there wasn't something there, but I think there is other stuff that ruins it for her and she saw it when she was with you again. I think you should only see her if she is willing to talk so you can gain a better understanding of what the issue is. If she won't do that then if you stick around it is on her terms at that point. Don't let her use you.
Author KS11 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 i just sent her a message saying that i cant do it anymore. I can't believe what ive just done. Im never going to see her again.
sangel07 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 i just sent her a message saying that i cant do it anymore. I can't believe what ive just done. Im never going to see her again. Well done! My story is a bit similar to yours, and I know how hard it is to cut out someone who seems to care about you enough to not let you go, but not enough to really be with you. But they only give us bread crumbs and we'll always want more, so there's no way to stick around and be friends with these people. I know how that feels. I can't believe I'll never see him again either. But deep down I know it's for the best, or at least it was the only sensible thing I could do for myself. Soon you'll start feeling it too, hang in there.
littlesunshine Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 i just sent her a message saying that i cant do it anymore. I can't believe what ive just done. Im never going to see her again. I think you did the right thing. If you ever think about her and feel that you regret your decision, instantly start doing something else that will take over your mind, and keep telling yourself that this is the right thing to do. It's hard of course, but just don't give up.
Recommended Posts