SarahToms Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Hi all, In late October I met a guy online via a dating site. It's a bit of a tricky situation - I was on the site doing research for work and he was on there looking for a relationship. I live in Australia and he lives in the US, I was using a US site as that is what we needed to research and didn't really think I would be doing anything to actually meet someone. Anyway, long story short, he asked me out on a date and obviously I had to decline due to a few things actually... #1 I live in Australia and #2 I just cancelled a wedding with the man I'd been with for seven years because we no longer had any spark left. So we got talking anyway and realised within two or three days that we had a huge amount in common. We have a lot of the same interests and values and we are born on the same day (which probably explains why we are into so many of the same things). Things escalated pretty quickly and after only a week we were talking about meeting up IRL. I don't know if we were both serious at that point or not but last week I booked a two week holiday to the US, I arrive on the 19th January (about three months after we first started talking). We Skype a few times a week, talk on the phone and online every day...We are pretty much inseparable. We have both said 'I love you' and honestly, I do love him - I have never felt like this before in my life. He said he has not told a woman that he loves her for over 10 years, if that is true then this is a big deal for him too. I hang to see his name in my inbox and get disappointed if for some reason we don't get to talk on the phone. He is all I think about and he is the same with me. I have a text waiting for me every morning when I wake up, he cannot tell me enough how beautiful I am, he showers me with love. So this is where you guys come in... My friends and family have a few major concerns and I know they are just trying to protect me but at the same time I'm so love sick that I can't see if what they are saying is right... Their concerns: The age difference, I am 12 years younger than him. The distance. The fact that he was looking for a relationship and I wasn't. The fact that I may be 'On the rebound'. The fact that he hasn't really had many long term girlfriends before. He says this is because he has not found anyone worth being in a long term relationship with and I believe him, but friends say that is a red flag and I should wonder why he really hasn't had a relationship. The fact that this has happened so quickly. On top of this he is European, just living in US for work. I have never dated a European man before and I have heard they tend to be super critical about their women. Obviously he has seen me on video and in pictures but like any other woman I have my lumps and bumps and after being with someone for so long who loved me just the way I was I guess I'm scared he is going to be super critical of that and lose interest...Not that there is anything majorly wrong with my body, I guess just after being with someone for so long I lack confidence with other men. I mean, everything else with us is perfect, this would be my only concern. Also the fact that I go to the gym like once a week and he sees a trainer three times a week and runs 10 miles each non-trainer day - So having a perfect body is a major thing for him. Will he care if his woman has a few wobbles here and there? Ha. Oh also, he is super excited that I'm coming. Was begging me to book and has told all his friends and family that I'm coming. Called me on Christmas day so I could speak to his mum etc. So he is very excited, as am I, I'm just a bit freaked now after all his friends and family have been so supportive and mine have been the opposite. I'm just asking for anyones take on this. Have you done something similar before? Do you really think you can fall in love with someone online in such a short amount of time? Any tips for actually staying with him in his home for two weeks, a may who has never lived with a woman before? Do you guys thing that long-distance love like this could work? Any advice on European men and their traits? Ha. Any advice, ideas, outtakes would be much appreciated. I'm kind of regretting my decision to book as I'm over analyzing everything now haha! Thank you!!!
tulips Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 There are many countries in Europe Where is he from? I am from Europe - originally - myself 1
Author SarahToms Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 Hi there, thanks for your response! He is from Germany. To be honest with you I think my friends are throwing anything at me (truth or not) to get me from going there. I think he is great and the fact that he is German is not an issue to me at all.
Samilia Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Hi all, In late October I met a guy online via a dating site. It's a bit of a tricky situation - I was on the site doing research for work and he was on there looking for a relationship. I live in Australia and he lives in the US, I was using a US site as that is what we needed to research and didn't really think I would be doing anything to actually meet someone. Anyway, long story short, he asked me out on a date and obviously I had to decline due to a few things actually... #1 I live in Australia and #2 I just cancelled a wedding with the man I'd been with for seven years because we no longer had any spark left. So we got talking anyway and realised within two or three days that we had a huge amount in common. We have a lot of the same interests and values and we are born on the same day (which probably explains why we are into so many of the same things). Things escalated pretty quickly and after only a week we were talking about meeting up IRL. I don't know if we were both serious at that point or not but last week I booked a two week holiday to the US, I arrive on the 19th January (about three months after we first started talking). We Skype a few times a week, talk on the phone and online every day...We are pretty much inseparable. We have both said 'I love you' and honestly, I do love him - I have never felt like this before in my life. He said he has not told a woman that he loves her for over 10 years, if that is true then this is a big deal for him too. I hang to see his name in my inbox and get disappointed if for some reason we don't get to talk on the phone. He is all I think about and he is the same with me. I have a text waiting for me every morning when I wake up, he cannot tell me enough how beautiful I am, he showers me with love. So this is where you guys come in... My friends and family have a few major concerns and I know they are just trying to protect me but at the same time I'm so love sick that I can't see if what they are saying is right... Their concerns: The age difference, I am 12 years younger than him. The distance. The fact that he was looking for a relationship and I wasn't. The fact that I may be 'On the rebound'. The fact that he hasn't really had many long term girlfriends before. He says this is because he has not found anyone worth being in a long term relationship with and I believe him, but friends say that is a red flag and I should wonder why he really hasn't had a relationship. The fact that this has happened so quickly. On top of this he is European, just living in US for work. I have never dated a European man before and I have heard they tend to be super critical about their women. Obviously he has seen me on video and in pictures but like any other woman I have my lumps and bumps and after being with someone for so long who loved me just the way I was I guess I'm scared he is going to be super critical of that and lose interest...Not that there is anything majorly wrong with my body, I guess just after being with someone for so long I lack confidence with other men. I mean, everything else with us is perfect, this would be my only concern. Also the fact that I go to the gym like once a week and he sees a trainer three times a week and runs 10 miles each non-trainer day - So having a perfect body is a major thing for him. Will he care if his woman has a few wobbles here and there? Ha. Oh also, he is super excited that I'm coming. Was begging me to book and has told all his friends and family that I'm coming. Called me on Christmas day so I could speak to his mum etc. So he is very excited, as am I, I'm just a bit freaked now after all his friends and family have been so supportive and mine have been the opposite. I'm just asking for anyones take on this. Have you done something similar before? Do you really think you can fall in love with someone online in such a short amount of time? Any tips for actually staying with him in his home for two weeks, a may who has never lived with a woman before? Do you guys thing that long-distance love like this could work? Any advice on European men and their traits? Ha. Any advice, ideas, outtakes would be much appreciated. I'm kind of regretting my decision to book as I'm over analyzing everything now haha! Thank you!!! I don't know. Could be that you'll end up in a hole with a bottle of lotion, or could be that you'll end up marrying him. That's how I met my ex husband, he was also 12 y older than me and that didn't bother me, that ended up bothering him. 1
FitChick Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 It can't hurt to meet. Your concern should be, if things got hot and heavy, who would move and would that even be possible given each country's immigration rules? Bottom line is you would have to marry to be together or split up.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Can't really generalise about 'European men', they all have their own personality just like any other man, they're not a weird species or something Apart from my partner, he's quite weird, but then so am I He's the opposite of critical about the way I look, and I'm not your average model type (nor do I want to be), if he was critical about my looks in any way I wouldn't be with him. One concern is; you're telling each other you love each other and you've not met yet, it's been said many times here that until you meet IRL you don't for sure how you will feel, hopefully it will work out, but try not to put too many expectations onto it. Only you can answer if it's a rebound thing for you or not, is it him you want to be with (someone you've not met yet) or just the idea of a partner because you miss your ex? Also bear in mind that, unless he's very unique, or a very romantic person, then all the gushing lovey dovey stuff and the time you spend talking will decrease, it can't be sustained at that level indefinitely. Honeymoon period ends just like in any other r/ship, but it can seem worse in an LDR when it does, because you don't have them there with you, whereby if they were there with you cuddling etc, just being there, it would be reassuring and makes you feel loved/secure. In an LDR you question things more, especially if you've no end in sight. I wouldn't have got into one if I'd known hard and painful and lonely it would be. I wouldn't do it again unless I saw them frequently and we had an end goal. But I'm a bad example because I've been in one nearly 3 years but we're not able to move, many couples will have either moved within that time or split up. Good luck!
HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 I met my partner face to face about 3 months are talking online/phone/skype, we felt very close before we met, but tried not to put too much weight on it in case we didn't feel the same when we met, but meeting him was wonderful, felt right to be in his arms and it still does. You just don't know if the chemistry will be there until you're with each other. I felt love for him before we met, but we didn't say it then, he was the first to say it after we'd met and were back home. Our first visit was 4 or 5 days, hotel and then back to mine, a week the first time we met would be too much, that would've worried me in case we didn't hit it off, would be awkward if we didn't, but you have a much further distance to go. I personally don't think you can know for sure you're in love until you've met, many people do hit it off IRL, but some don't. Until you meet, a lot of it is just fantasy. I'm just asking for anyones take on this. Have you done something similar before? Do you really think you can fall in love with someone online in such a short amount of time? Any tips for actually staying with him in his home for two weeks, a may who has never lived with a woman before? Do you guys thing that long-distance love like this could work? Any advice on European men and their traits? Ha. Any advice, ideas, outtakes would be much appreciated. I'm kind of regretting my decision to book as I'm over analyzing everything now haha! Thank you!!! 2
ana0pera Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Hello SarahToms, I was in an LDR that started online, and while I don't think I'd get into another one purposefully and I am still bitter about my situation because it just recently ended, I don't think have any regrets about meeting him. It was a major risk in many ways but if I hadn't done it I know I would've said to myself, "what if?" Have you talked to him about all of your concerns? Keep your visit short and sweet. If you can meet in some middle ground where both of you are foreigners, or if he can come to your country, it might make your family rest at ease. Follow your heart and good luck European men are just like any other men, you have nothing special to worry about on that front.
stevie_23 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 Wow, this is exciting!! I know how you feel and this is sort of my old dream scenario I had when my ex and I were still together online. He is also from the US and I’m from Australia. There is a bit more of an age gap between us though (27 years!) but this is no issue for us personality-wise (it is for us in terms of the practicalities of life expectancy though and physical health). Anyway, we would loved to have met in person to see how things went. We were also inseparable. He also showered me with love…there was a text from him every morning when I woke up, and for a while, every moment both of us were awake (due to the time difference), we’d be in contact, either chatting online or texting. Talked on the phone a few times, did videos for each other all the time, just talking and doing normal things to try to bring the other into our lives. We had a billion things against us though. Both with other partners. Money issues. So we never met and now he’s left me. *sigh* Back in 2001, I met my current real life partner online as well, and we were online only (not even any texts, phone calls or videos) for 9 months before meeting. It was odd, but we stayed together and have been together ever since. Anyway, in terms of your situation and the points your friends / you have raised… The age difference is not necessarily of any importance. It all depends on personality and compatibility. The distance doesn’t have to be a problem unless one or both of you want more (which if things do work out when you go over there, it’s assumed you WILL want more), and then you have the potential issues of who moves to be with who. The fact that he was looking for a relationship and you weren’t doesn’t mean anything. I have never looked for a relationship in my life. They tend to just…happen. And this, in my opinion, is the best thing. If you’re looking for one, you may not have the right reasons in mind for being with someone. If you meet someone and happen to develop strong feelings, then it’s about the person and the relationship, not about you wanting “someone” to be with. The fact that I may be 'On the rebound' – this could be an issue, but it doesn’t have to be. This will be sorted out when you meet him and see how things go. Don’t worry too much about this until then. When you do meet, if you have any doubts about whether you might still be “on the rebound”, perhaps ask yourself how your last relationship affected you. Do you want someone just like your ex (except that you’d still be in love with him) or someone NOT like him at all, etc. I actually don’t think this WOULD be a rebound relationship as, and you said so yourself, you weren’t looking for a relationship before you met him. Rebounds are usually because you’re feeling empty and missing something you once had in your life and you feel the need to fill that void with someone, anyone. The fact he hasn’t had many “proper” relationships…I’m not sure if this is a problem. My ex has been married 5 times and all were long term relationships. He wasn’t happy in most of them though and sort of “fell” into them mainly. So I don’t think it really matters. The fact that this has happened so quickly also isn’t an issue, ALTHOUGH I have been told (and I see this is true in my own case also) online relationships DO tend to happen quite quickly. You are more open online than in person, you tend to reveal yourself earlier than you might in person, and you tend to skip certain stages of the normal love development that happens in person. Also, there are things each of you may hide (either inadvertently or on purpose) from each other that will only be revealed in person. In any case, I say go for it!! Go on your trip, have a great time, meet him and see how things feel for you. Give it a bit of time too. Things with me and my real life partner were VERY odd at first. I almost left suddenly and planned to tell her I didn’t feel the same way anymore. But I gave it time and things worked out.
Million.to.1 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I just wanted to mention, that as well as sharing the same birthday and of course, star sign, do you realize that you also share the same chinese horoscope? pretty cool.
umirano Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I just wanted to mention, that as well as sharing the same birthday and of course, star sign, do you realize that you also share the same chinese horoscope? pretty cool. Maybe cool, but irrelevant. Astrology shouldn't be a reason to pursue / stay in / end a relationship. Astrology has no credible or tested relevance in any aspect of our lives. 1
Paranoia1989 Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 Hey there, I went through a pretty similar situation. One day this guy sent me a message on my YouTube Account, and normally I dont really pay much attention to mails from strangers. This time i did for sum reason and it was the best decision ever. We started to talk via mail every day, then went onto Instant Messaging and finally Skyping. Tho I never met this guy in person till then, I had huge feelings for him (that saying sumone who never believed in online dating!!). He felt the same for me. So after about 6 months of talking, he asked if I wanna come to visit him (Im German :so I can say German men are quite awesome, if that helps you: and he's from Scotland). Ive had same reactions and concerns from family and friends as you did, but I decided to go and give it a try, sincr I knew Id regret it if i didnt meet him in person. I booked a flight and nearly one year after ee started talking I met him. I stayed at his house for the whole 9 day visit. We went on trips together and he made me feel comfortable right away. No awkwardness or whatever. We've been together for 16 months now. For different reasons we can only meet every 4/5 months, and its not always easy. But I dont regret anything. And in 9 months I will pack my stuff and move over to live with him!!! So I guess not all relationships which started online are meant to fail and only coz You met your guy in an inconventional way, doesnt mean he's a creep with bad intentions! Give it a try, meet up with him and enjoy your time. You never know what it might turn into :-)
Irial Posted January 23, 2013 Posted January 23, 2013 I'm just asking for anyones take on this. Have you done something similar before? Do you really think you can fall in love with someone online in such a short amount of time? Any tips for actually staying with him in his home for two weeks, a may who has never lived with a woman before? Do you guys thing that long-distance love like this could work? Any advice on European men and their traits? Ha. Any advice, ideas, outtakes would be much appreciated. I'm kind of regretting my decision to book as I'm over analyzing everything now haha! Thank you!!! Well, I have met two of my long term relationship boyfriends online. I did fall in love with them when talking online, too. I never fell in love in such a short time, but that might also be due to the fact that I was always dating somebody else when I first became friends with them and only after my previous relationships had ended I started having feelings for them. I think the relationship CAN work, if one of you is willing to move somewhere down the road. This is not something you must decide now, but once things are more settled between you two (you've met etc) you might want to discuss it. About European men: I am European (though I'm a girl) and I have met men from mine and other countries. Most people are not very critical. That aside, everyone is different and I doubt that somebody who is in love is going to be bothered by little flaws here and there. As for you staying with him, I don't know what to suggest. Just try to be tolerant and patient if it feels awkward at first. My advice is to be a little cautious (reasonably) but still don't let yourself miss this chance! I am currently dating an American guy and have been for about 2 years, so I can tell you the distance is going to be a pain, but if you can overcome it together until one of you can move then it is going to be worth it
Author SarahToms Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Hi there, Thanks for the advice… Was great to see other opinions on all of this before my trip. Now that I’ve been and I’m back home now I thought I’d post an update on the situation… Everything went REALLY well. He picked me up from the airport, and greeted me with a beautiful bunch of flowers and a giant hug. We were both super nervous but there were no awkward or weird moments and straight away we both agreed it felt as though we’d been life long friends. I did end up staying with him and it worked out really well, we synced unbelievably well. We spent the next two weeks staring into each others eyes whilst holding hands and probably making everyone around us sick. I met a lot of his friends who were all really lovely and got to see what he is into and where he tends to hang out. We had a lot of fun, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much in my life. Talk about having the same taste, nearly every time we ate out we chose the same food off the menu… we even have the same dinner set and linens. He was perfect, better than I could have ever imagined and he said he feels the same about me. We both cried at the airport when I had to leave and agreed that he will come here in the next month or so then we will discuss where we go to from here. 3
ana0pera Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 So happy to hear that it went VERY well SarahToms!! It's good that you have plans for another visit in the works and that you are taking things slowly. I wish you both all the best :)
outsidethebox Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 nice story. definitely should get married imo. various immigration and labor situations may be more of a determination in where you live than anything else. good luck. you both sound like great people.
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