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How to know when a woman is testing you??


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Posted (edited)

Due to my limited dating exp I need some suggestions as to know if you can tell a woman is testing you early in the dating process and I'll use my last courtship of 5 dates as an ex.

 

I'm getting ready for our movie date and it's about an hour and a half from when it starts and she texts asking to change the movie to a different one and that it's a little earlier (I'm thinking "Ok is she for real? is she seeing if I'll give her what she wants?). I told her I was looking forward to the one we agreed on and would see her there a little later. She texts back saying she seen the CA and it looks good and I said I don't think I could make it there in time anyway and asked her how long it would take her to get there and I get radio silence... I head to the theatre and text her I'm there and she says sorry she lost track of time. A few days later I ask her to a rink for roller skating and she says she'll let me know later as she's runninig errands. She texts back later saying she can't make it but when we go let's go to x (a different rink). I don't mind women suggesting things at all, I like it when they make an effort and you plan things together. My problem is how do I know they're being themselves and not pushing to see how much I'll bend... Is there a way to tell if they're testing? Selfish/controlling??

Edited by SJC2008
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Posted

As a young man I would have stuck with it. Nowadays, the minute I sense a shyte-test from anyone I erase them emotionally. Zero. They get nothing at worst and my business face at best, which is polite and effusive but with zero depth. Most of the time it's make like a hole in the water and gone.

 

Is there a way to tell? Imagine if you had behaved in a similar manner and what you'd expect the response to be. Better yet, do it. It's a wonderful feeling.

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  • Author
Posted
As a young man I would have stuck with it. Nowadays, the minute I sense a shyte-test from anyone I erase them emotionally. Zero. They get nothing at worst and my business face at best, which is polite and effusive but with zero depth. Most of the time it's make like a hole in the water and gone.

 

Is there a way to tell? Imagine if you had behaved in a similar manner and what you'd expect the response to be. Better yet, do it. It's a wonderful feeling.

 

Good point. My thougt was I wouldn't try to change a movie at the last minute! I'd go see it another time with her or a friend.

Posted

She's just rude and sounds very selfish.

Posted

So you had a day/time set for the movie, she tried to change it at the last minute and then never shows up? :confused:

 

Then you try to set up another date, and she dodges it?

 

Yeah, that doesn't sound good.

  • Author
Posted (edited)
So you had a day/time set for the movie, she tried to change it at the last minute and then never shows up? :confused:

 

Then you try to set up another date, and she dodges it?

 

Yeah, that doesn't sound good.

 

She did show up sorry for the confusion. I'll clarify:

 

When she tried to change it I told her I was looking forward to the movie (original one we picked) and would see her up there in a bit. She tried again and said she liked the CA for the other movie and I texted back saying I don't think I could be there in time as it was earlier and asked her how long would it take her to get there. I didn't get a response and was wondering what the hell she was doing. I headed to the theatre for the showing we initially agreed on and texted her when I arrived. She then texted back saying sorry, she lost track of time and showed up just in time for the original movie.

 

My guess to the momentary radio silence was she was having a temper tantrum??

Edited by SJC2008
Posted
She did show up sorry for the confusion.

 

No prob.

 

 

I'll clarify:

 

When she tried to change it I told her I was looking forward to the movie

(original one we picked) and would see her up there in a bit. She tried again and said she liked the CA for the other movie and I texted back saying I don't think I could be there in time as it was earlier and asked her how long would it take her to get there. I didn't get a response and was wondering what the hell she was doing. I headed to the theatre for the showing we initially agreed on and texted her when I arrived. She then texted back saying sorry, she lost track of time and showed up just in time for the original movie.

 

My guess to the momentary radio silence was she was having a tempre

tantrum??

 

Whether or not she was trying to 'test you' by changing the movie/time (or, having a 'temper tantrum'), I'm not 100% sure. She sounds 'flighty' though and not considerate of your time.

 

I think you handled it well, by being firm (IE: "I told her I was looking forward to the movie (original one we picked) and would see her up there in a bit").

Posted

A girl that truly wants to see you will not care what movie you see or what you do. In the early dating stages this is especially true. Being pushy about changing plans last minute is inconsiderate. I don't think she was testing you; it sounds more like she was being selfish.

 

Guys have tried to do it to me too; it makes me lose interest...

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Posted

What do you mean how do you know?

 

Isn't it obvious that women test guys 24/7? ;)

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Posted
What do you mean how do you know?

 

Isn't it obvious that women test guys 24/7? ;)

 

lol if that's the case I'm screwed!

Posted

All women test guys 24/7.... a lot aren't aware they do it ... if you want to see a movie, leave her ass at home and go watch the movie you originally wanted to see.... stick to your plans

Posted
What do you mean how do you know?

 

Isn't it obvious that women test guys 24/7? ;)

 

I test men but it isnt inconsiderate testing,Time and venues arent testing that's just considerate behavior.... i throw questions in to conversations that they dont know i am testing them on, and they are subtle...like if a guy says he doesn't want something and i can convince him to change his mind...even food wise....he doesn't stand firm ...the easier it is to convince the easier eh will fold .......he is doing it to please me and that causes resentment in a relationship a couple of years down the track...he isnt being true to himself....it will come out at a later date.....ill lead conversations,ask random questions that arent so random, or ill say things and see if he will have a lively discussion......or a passionate one.....thats my testing....and i dont get rid of a guy if he doesnt pass, i just know more about him flaws and all...automatic pass ..deb

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Posted
I test men but it isnt inconsiderate testing,Time and venues arent testing that's just considerate behavior.... i throw questions in to conversations that they dont know i am testing them on, and they are subtle...like if a guy says he doesn't want something and i can convince him to change his mind...even food wise....he doesn't stand firm ...the easier it is to convince the easier eh will fold .......he is doing it to please me and that causes resentment in a relationship a couple of years down the track...he isnt being true to himself....it will come out at a later date.....ill lead conversations,ask random questions that arent so random, or ill say things and see if he will have a lively discussion......or a passionate one.....thats my testing....and i dont get rid of a guy if he doesnt pass, i just know more about him flaws and all...automatic pass ..deb

 

Well for our 3rd date I asked her to a nice restaurant by the water. I told her a little bit about it, that they served both seafood and regular food and she said yes. A little into the convo she said let's go for sushi and I told her I don't eat seafood. I joked a little bit about how I'll fish all day long but not eat what I catch. Anway she says let's go for sushi AGAIN! I'm thinking what is this womans deal?? I sarcastically say sure let's go then tell her I'll see her when I pick her up and she says "I thought you wanted to go for sushi" I told her I was being sarcastic and I don't eat seafood, I'm sure you'll enjoy the restaurant and she went with me. Am I not being flexible? Is this woman selfish/controlling? Tesing me to see if I'm a nice guy??

Posted
Well for our 3rd date I asked her to a nice restaurant by the water. I told her a little bit about it, that they served both seafood and regular food and she said yes. A little into the convo she said let's go for sushi and I told her I don't eat seafood. I joked a little bit about how I'll fish all day long but not eat what I catch. Anway she says let's go for sushi AGAIN! I'm thinking what is this womans deal?? I sarcastically say sure let's go then tell her I'll see her when I pick her up and she says "I thought you wanted to go for sushi" I told her I was being sarcastic and I don't eat seafood, I'm sure you'll enjoy the restaurant and she went with me. Am I not being flexible? Is this woman selfish/controlling? Tesing me to see if I'm a nice guy??

 

What's wrong with eating chicken or vegetarian sushi?

The answer "i don't eat seafood" does not answer the question "wanna go for sushi?"

 

Granted though, this chick sounds like a flake and if you are annoyed enough by her antics already after 3 dates to be posting about it, i don't predict a love connection for you both unfortunately. . :)

Posted

Why are you still going on dates with her?

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Posted
All women test guys 24/7.... a lot aren't aware they do it ... if you want to see a movie, leave her ass at home and go watch the movie you originally wanted to see.... stick to your plans

 

Wrong.

 

It is only testing if the woman doesn't trust you.

  • Author
Posted
What's wrong with eating chicken or vegetarian sushi?

The answer "i don't eat seafood" does not answer the question "wanna go for sushi?"

 

Granted though, this chick sounds like a flake and if you are annoyed enough by her antics already after 3 dates to be posting about it, i don't predict a love connection for you both unfortunately. . :)

 

I see where you're coming from. I was not aware there is non-seafood sushi so I told her I don't eat seafood. OTOH she didn't tell me that either and suggest a place.

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Posted
Why are you still going on dates with her?

 

We're not dating anymore. I'm using our experience as an example. My head is so far up my arse when it comes to dating it aint funny. I think I'm reading WAY into things that everything is a test. I have a strong feeling this last woman is a control freak or selfish so I guess I dodged a bullet!

Posted

Looks to me that you are ALWAYS planning and deciding , and not asking her to choose the venue/place/time...

 

Why dont you ask her to choose next time..

 

Then you can decide whats shes upto....

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Posted
Looks to me that you are ALWAYS planning and deciding , and not asking her to choose the venue/place/time...

 

Why dont you ask her to choose next time..

 

Then you can decide whats shes upto....

 

I should of put all the date details in the OP but I didn't want to write a crazy long thread. I asked her for pool/drinks for date 2 and asked if there was something in her part of town (she's 35 minutes away) and she said no but she chose a place she knew about somewhere else and we went. She asked me out for the forth date and I went along with her plans. I asked her out for skating becasue she likes it and chose the closer place for both of us and she want's to go somewhere else. I think I was accomodating.

Posted

the minute I sense a shyte-test from anyone I erase them emotionally.

Posted
I should of put all the date details in the OP but I didn't want to write a crazy long thread. I asked her for pool/drinks for date 2 and asked if there was something in her part of town (she's 35 minutes away) and she said no but she chose a place she knew about somewhere else and we went. She asked me out for the forth date and I went along with her plans. I asked her out for skating becasue she likes it and chose the closer place for both of us and she want's to go somewhere else. I think I was accomodating.

 

Then you indeed dodged a bullet

Posted
Well for our 3rd date I asked her to a nice restaurant by the water. I told her a little bit about it, that they served both seafood and regular food and she said yes. A little into the convo she said let's go for sushi and I told her I don't eat seafood. I joked a little bit about how I'll fish all day long but not eat what I catch. Anway she says let's go for sushi AGAIN! I'm thinking what is this womans deal?? I sarcastically say sure let's go then tell her I'll see her when I pick her up and she says "I thought you wanted to go for sushi" I told her I was being sarcastic and I don't eat seafood, I'm sure you'll enjoy the restaurant and she went with me. Am I not being flexible? Is this woman selfish/controlling? Tesing me to see if I'm a nice guy??

 

 

you are being flexible when i said food test this to me isn't a test its rudeness, if a guy says to me lets go for sushi and if i didn't like sushi i would say im not into that......can we go somewhere where they have fusion meals......as far as seafood goes not a huge fan myself.....dont like raw salmon or fish with eyes attached.......but i do know i can have sushi without fish...now if a guy vetoed a suggestion and said to me i dont really like that i would think of soemwhere else because i want a guy to have a good time on the date as much as i do.....to me its more about control than testing with your friend, that's my opinion.She seems to argue with everything you say that's not testing its not listening really and controlling everything and anything she feels like controlling......it is a bit manipulating.....it has you questioning what is going on......most peopel test dates those who say they dotn are not beign truthful both male and females push boundaries either early in the dating experience or later......my testing isnt seeing how far i can push a guy before his head explodes....just more like testing the waters to see where we mesh and where we dont....and i actually am extremely subtle which is how testign should be.......it shouldnt be about makign the other person feel on the back foot....its an info jam and that should be it..i found out something tonight actually about a guy, and he didnt even know it.....his smile never wavered....see thats subtle he felt at ease.....your friend is not subtle and i dont think she is testing you.......deb

Posted
Well, hard as it may be to eclipse the oh-so-great wisdom shared in this thread by the male Bitter Brigade here on SLS, it sounds to me as though girl is just a self entitled, spoiled little brat who feels the world exists solely to serve her.

 

I don't think she was 'testing' you at all. She was just being her usual selfish little self and wanting to do what pleases HER. Don't always assume someone is testing you just because they suggest a change of plans at the 11th hour. This girl, however, just wanted it to all to be about her.

 

I agree. She likely would act the same way with a friend or family member.

  • Like 1
Posted

OP, something which occurred to me, re-reading your first posting: People who are selfish/self-centered/controlling are consistently testing others boundaries, even if only incidentally. Hence, if this person's behaviors are consistent and are consistently encroaching on your boundaries of propriety, it's reasonable to conclude that they are exhibiting a behavioral style rather than a singular or rare test. A more clear test would be behavior seemingly out of the ordinary for the person; behavior which stops you in your tracks going WTF. IMO, at such turns, their potential as a future partner is indicated by how they respond to your expressed boundaries. Your responsibility is expressing those boundaries. With selfish people, a group of which this person is likely a member, such expressions usually result in their immediate and seemingly incredulous departure. It's really tough to care less than a selfish person and I recommend not trying, unless as an experiment for entertainment purposes. Good luck.

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