sophiez Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Throughout the evening, I've been thinking about what he might be doing; who he might kiss on midnight, where in town he's celebrating, which friends he's surrounded himself with tonight.. this will be the first time in 8 years that he hasn't been by my side on this day. Since I was 14 years old, his eyes were the ones I'd be staring into when the clock struck 12. I've been sick to my stomach all evening, dreading that special moment I'll spend alone. And then I remember to breathe. Remember that it doesn't matter.. It'll never matter anymore. I suddenly feel a weight lifted from me. I know it sounds incredibly cliche, but that's the only thing I have to lift me from the sadness of tonight. Nothing he does should matter to me anymore. This is my life, and he chose not to be apart of it. I can't control that. I can only control my own happiness from here on out. Like many of you, 2012 was an absolutely horrific year. Heartbreak has a tendency to dominate any joyous moments that might have occurred in the past 12 months, and I'm sorry to any of you out there that are hurting this evening. I'm sorry for the tears, the sleepless nights, the pressure in your chest that builds until you find it difficult to breathe. I'm sorry for the loneliness, the hopelessness you might feel, the dull ache that never seems to go away. I'd now like to take the opportunity to reach my hand out and implore everyone with a heavy heart to look towards tomorrow with an optimistic mind. Start anew. Strengthen, heal, rebuild, grow, redefine, nurture yourself, and rest assured that next year is going to be different. It will be better. YOU will be better. I'd like to encourage you to smile before you fall asleep tonight. Smile for yourself, for your future, for your heart. Smile to show your pain who's boss. We're all here because we have the capacity to love deeply and genuinely. In the long run, that's one of the best traits a a human being can have. I wish all of you a happy New Year. I wish you health, happiness, and most of all, I wish you love. Cheers, Sophie Edited January 1, 2013 by sophiez 8
plee61 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Thanks for your strength and optimistic mind. I have wished him for the New year but not a word from him. New year is going to be over in 3.5 hours, I farewell all regrets and love in 2012 and open my heart for 2013. Happy New Year! 1
GlassParasol Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 What a fantastic post. You're right, you're so right. Was out at a party last night with my ex, but I saw it through and had a really great night. That is the mind-set I need to keep - what he does doesn't matter anymore, he too chose to leave my life and at the end of it all, it was his decision. 2013 will be a different year for me. I am going to spend it taking care of and learning more about myself. Think it's time I focused more on me for a change and also becoming a better person in the long run. Think I've made a lot of bad decisions in the last year, it's time to end all that. Thank you for this thread and for your positive and logical words. Happy New Year.
sangel07 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Strengthen, heal, rebuild Amen to that. I'll try. Thanks for the beautiful post!
Angel Heart Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Such a delightful post; thanks for taking the time to write it. I went to bed early last night with a heavy heart; not sure if my partner is delaying breaking up with me b/c he doesn't want to hurt my feeling during the Holidays. I realize, after reading your post, I waste too much time doing that 'would have', 'could have', 'should have' with my relationship. I just plain waste energy wondering what he's thinking, wondering if he cares about me, and, of course, if he lost interest in me. I realize now I tend to date emotionally unavailable men; either recently legally separated, or with too much baggage from bad divorce. I'm the rebound and we all know what happens to them. I have to ask myself why I do not let myself open to healthier relationships. My current partner spent NYE with his daughters watching the ball drop. I couldn't stop thinking why he still couldn't find time to spend with me afterwards. Then, this morning, I realized it was b/c he didn't want to. Anyway, thanks again for those wise words you shared; I will take them to heart. Happy 2013 to you and yours.
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