Divasu Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Ugh, I need a lobotomy! I posted this thread a couple weeks back: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/361541-after-dust-has-settled Since then, we’ve had ‘random’ contact. The last couple of times he reached out to me and he brought up our mutual friend's party that we're both invited too (which was tonight). He mentioned a few times that he really wanted to go and was going to try but only if he was able to get someone else to work his shift. He’s really good friends with the couple who was throwing the party, so I know him going was to mostly see/spend time with them rather than see me there (considering I brought up the “where are we going” convo, and he confirmed ‘no where’). I hate to admit, but I was hoping he’d show up tonight. When he didn’t, inside I was crushed. Of course I tried to keep a happy face and have fun, which I managed to do for a bit. But on the car ride home, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I felt pathetic, it was after the song “Love Remains The Same” came on the radio. OMG I cried so hard, it’s like it hit me out of NO WHERE. There was that little shred of up hope that he’d be there, we’d talk, and go back to dating as if that “where are we going” convo never took place. But, that didn’t happen and just reaffirmed that he doesn’t want a relationship with me. I felt like a Schmuck asking his friend if he had heard from him/if he was still coming (all the while battling tears in my eyes). Bah! Why was I so stupid to think he felt the same?!
Author Divasu Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Alright no one has any comments, so I'll just vent... Being the idiot that I am, I sent him a text: "so, I guess you couldn't make it after all". He responded: "yeah, sorry I had to work". And my dumb-doodee response: "I really wished I could have seen you tonight". And then, no response... So, I get shot down for a relationship and decide to make myself vulnerable again by saying "I really wished I could have seen you tonight". I am clearly, not thinking clearly. I am really considering not asking a man out ever again, as I look back on this. It put me in the driver's seat and I clearly didn't know how to steer properly and it turned me into an emotional mess. Sigh.
Author Divasu Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Sorry Sweetie, this sucks. Thank you Gottabestrong. I think I need to start wrapping red tape around my fingers before I send mushy 'I wish blah blah blah' texts. Grrr...
Gottabestrong Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I was so close to sending a text to my ex last night myself. I literally had to hold down my hands so I did not do it. This morning I deleted the app we used to communicate. Anything to support my weak willpower. But yes, I think you should stop contacting him, it does not lead to anything. Do whatever you can to support you in this. Delete this number, block his facebook, etc. Stay strong! It will get better, I promise.
Author Divasu Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) I was so close to sending a text to my ex last night myself. I literally had to hold down my hands so I did not do it. This morning I deleted the app we used to communicate. Anything to support my weak willpower. I'm glad you didn't. You're a lot stronger than me right now. But yes, I think you should stop contacting him, it does not lead to anything. Do whatever you can to support you in this. Delete this number, block his facebook, etc. Stay strong! It will get better, I promise. I know, it's just...hard. Well, the last time I called him was a couple weeks ago (after we had the 'email exchange') and that was because I (a) promised I'd call; and (b) a part of me thought perhaps I had read the situation wrong and that I was being a bit preemptive/irrational with my expectations (but, maybe that was just my way of trying to rationalize, the inevitable). He didn't call back, but instead, kept mentioning the mutual party thing (which, I have no idea why). Maybe he met someone and wanted to bring her to the party and was trying to make sure I wouldn't be there. I hate to think that way but who knows. Thank you... Edited January 1, 2013 by Divasu
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