BehindBlueEyes Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I've got so many problems that it makes me out to be a dramatic, epic, crying, loser. Believe me I know how I look on here. My current situation is a crush I hold tightly for a girl(20 years old) that was nothing more than a cashier/customer type relationship with small chat and the like. It's not like we had a hard, long conversation or anything, but I like her, a lot and really enjoyed riding my bike to the old store she worked at just to say hello and share a joke or two. She liked how I mostly ride my bike all over the place and my weird humour and such. About two months ago she relocated to another store of the same chain in another town a town I never go too....very rarely so I don't get to see her anymore here at the old store and it sucks! I'm happy she advanced herself, but my selfish crush is making me feel like I want her back here at this store so I can see her. I do realize that my being a loner, lonely, and in a poor social environment, being shy and all that, causes me to crave any sort of social engagement I can get, but this obsessing over this 20 year old and badly missing her whom I barely know, makes me feel strange about myself....I hate these feelings and hate missing her! It's so stupid! I just hate that she's gone and I'll never see her again. I could go to the other store, but it would be pretty damn obvious I am following her if I show up once twice three times a week like I did at the old store. I have to make a confession though....I did go to the store she is working at now to say hello on Christmas Eve. She wasn't there because she got sick from what they told me, so I left a greeting card with my name and saying "Mountain Bike Guy" she knows who I am. They looked at me weird and said "You know ***** has a man right? I'm like no, but It isn't like that I knew her at the other store and she'll know who I am...I just wanted to say hello. They looked at me strange and I got all sort of embarrassed. What a mistake. Now she is probably thinking "OMG, MT bike guy is stalking me" Do know when she was leaving the other store she came up to me and said in a semi serious way "you better come visit me" She honestly said that to me and I swear I am not lying to you all. I just don't know.....I'm developing yet another obsession and a crush I cannot get out of my mind. I'm telling ya....I'm to the end of my rope with myself.....It's everything from these obsessions, the way I am on LoveShack, my procrastination, my short temper....everything. I just want to be ****ing normal and have a loving relationship with a hell of a nice woman, but deep down with my problems, it is a very slim chance I'll ever be good enough to be in someone's life like that.... Mayby that is why I obsess over people I shouldn't, I crave a loving relationship and when I meet a girl I like, I try in some sort of pathetic way....to be in her life, even as just a friend that shows up on his bike to do small chat at the register. it sucks.
LoverOfDance Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Please stop being so hard on your self. No one is perfect. Believe it or not we all obsess over something or someone. So it's ok u're not abnormal. Just don't follow her around plz. Restrain yourself. You don't have control over your feelings but you can control your actions. Listen to that tiny voice inside your head cause it is very right. Following her is considered stalking. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just human - imperfect and messed up like the rest of us. Forget about her. You'll find someone else that's available 4 u to ask out and date.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You didn't "stalk" her. You had an interest, you pursued it, left her a card, she's probably flattered. She has a bf (or whatever) so it isn't on the table. You didn't do anything wrong here. In fact, it was pretty sweet, and eventually the right girl will get that attention at the right time, recognize it and things will click. It's okay to miss your crush too. Feelings are OKAY. Just don't start doing a whole series of unreturned contacts. THAT would be STALKING. It's hard enough having feelings without being chronically ashamed of having them. My advice to you is: Focus on dropping the shame and have some compassion for yourself.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 BTW, do you notice that your mind went right to the worst-case scenario there? I did that for years, it's an anxiety thing. It's also a pattern that RARELY comes true. Giving someone a card that turns out to have a boyfriend does not automatically make a saugeway into: 1. You are a stalker. 2. You are pathetic 3. You are doomed to wander alone forever. Giving a card does not equal 1, 2 or 3. I don't know any super-solid advice for that BUT I do know that when I recognized the pattern, that in and of itself helped. Maybe try seeing the "best-case scenario" (like super-charged fantasy) and then realize that probably neither the "best" or "worst" case is going to happen. If anything occurs as a reaction, it will lie somewhere on the spectrum in the middle.
Author BehindBlueEyes Posted January 20, 2013 Author Posted January 20, 2013 It got a little worse today. I know at 38 a 20 year old is off limits, but it's not like I care if she isn't going to be my "girlfriend" I am not after her that way I just like her company even if it was small chat between cashier and customer. I am not stalking her in the sense of driving to her house or any of that crap...I do look at her FB though....I DO FB stalk her sometimes, but that isn't abnormal in this day and age. Before she left the store I knew her from, she came over to me and said "you better come visit me" while she told me she was moving to the other store. So there is no doubt she likes me(as friends) and doesn't think I am creepy, so I really got tickled over her saying that. However it made me feel closer and I think I started to fall in love. I admit I have driven by the new store a few times in the last few months to just "see" and yepp her truck is there. I wanted to stop in and say hello, but I knew I was falling for her now and I don't want to make it worse(for me) I am trying to escape these feelings and forget her which is very tough ATM. Well I went to the old store today(where she quit) and the other girl there told me the girl got engaged on Christmas....That's ok....I am happy about that, but the thing is....they plan to be moving to Colorado where he is from. I found out in her FB. They plan by the end of this year. It left me with a lump in my gut and all those stupid emo feelings that I hate. I'm totally ok with not being her BF and all that, but I wished I were better friends and were in her life somehow in a non creepy way. Right now all I am to her is "the guy on the bike" probably forgotten about me already and could care less about letting me know she is getting married and moving....asking for my FB ect ect you know....being friends. I believe that I get attached to certain people like this, because I am a loner I have problems that keep me from "branching out" having friends, going out to bars ect ect...I mostly keep alone ,ride my bike and internet for my social crap.. I am a loner to the tee so I believe when someone like her comes around I make myself more attached than I should be, because I want that affection from a cute girl every man wants, but I am to scared to make a real connection with someone I can be with as GF/BF. I think I fill this need by doing things like I am with this girl..... I get to close to people and when they leave forever, never to be seen again....I get terribly frustrated and depressed about it. I barely know her and I feel like I am losing my best friend.....it is just ridiculous and I hate these feelings.
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