Elin321 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Hi, I would like your opinion on this. I had a relationship with a man I was very much in love with for 4 months. It was a long distance relationship, however we met every weekend. He kept saying, he liked me a lot, he found in me everthing he was searching in a woman, but he was not that into me. Whenever I stepped back, he was trying to keep me in the relationship. In July, he decided to dump me with the excuse that he was not that into me and he was eager to experience an irrestible love in his life. Although he dumped me, he showed that he liked me a lot, at the same time he was telling me about breakup he talked about marriage, he was soooo confused. His eyes showed he was in love, his words the opposite. He left me by saying that he needed some time on his own, because it was the first time he felt so deeply for a woman (although 38...) and this made him feel uncomfortable. When he left, he said, he would call and come back. Since then, he never came back. I texted him some times, but received no answer. Now, after 6 months NC, we started talking again through email accidentaly. I met him a week ago. He was very polite with me, gentle, but nothing was the same. He was indifferent in me as a woman. When I asked him to meet again for a coffee, he refused, by saying, he respects me a lot but was not in love. I feel soooo brokenhearted....Why did he want to see me at first place and then refused by saying he was not in love???
flitzanu Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Hi, I would like your opinion on this. I had a relationship with a man I was very much in love with for 4 months. It was a long distance relationship, however we met every weekend. He kept saying, he liked me a lot, he found in me everthing he was searching in a woman, but he was not that into me. Whenever I stepped back, he was trying to keep me in the relationship. In July, he decided to dump me with the excuse that he was not that into me and he was eager to experience an irrestible love in his life. Although he dumped me, he showed that he liked me a lot, at the same time he was telling me about breakup he talked about marriage, he was soooo confused. His eyes showed he was in love, his words the opposite. He left me by saying that he needed some time on his own, because it was the first time he felt so deeply for a woman (although 38...) and this made him feel uncomfortable. When he left, he said, he would call and come back. Since then, he never came back. I texted him some times, but received no answer. Now, after 6 months NC, we started talking again through email accidentaly. I met him a week ago. He was very polite with me, gentle, but nothing was the same. He was indifferent in me as a woman. When I asked him to meet again for a coffee, he refused, by saying, he respects me a lot but was not in love. I feel soooo brokenhearted....Why did he want to see me at first place and then refused by saying he was not in love??? so 6 months ago he left you and told you he didn't want to be with you. you met again and he told you he didn't want to be with you. where is the confusion, he's being very clear that he does not want to have a relationship with you, and just because he agreed to meet you doesn't change that.
Allumere Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 so 6 months ago he left you and told you he didn't want to be with you. you met again and he told you he didn't want to be with you. where is the confusion, he's being very clear that he does not want to have a relationship with you, and just because he agreed to meet you doesn't change that. He was testing himself and his feelings for whoever he is with. Since you had a history he wanted to see what would happen...which was only to confirm he made the right choice. It doesnt feel like it but this had nothing to do about you. Now does that mean he never cared or doesnt have fond memories..no. It means that whatever it was ran its course for him and he has moved on and is done. He may be cool remaining friends and/or friendly since you are not a relationship threat but since he senses your heart is in a different place he is not interested in opening that door right now and to his credit he is doing the right thing by refusing. And yes it does suck.
Author Elin321 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 He was testing himself and his feelings for whoever he is with. Since you had a history he wanted to see what would happen...which was only to confirm he made the right choice. It doesnt feel like it but this had nothing to do about you. Now does that mean he never cared or doesnt have fond memories..no. It means that whatever it was ran its course for him and he has moved on and is done. He may be cool remaining friends and/or friendly since you are not a relationship threat but since he senses your heart is in a different place he is not interested in opening that door right now and to his credit he is doing the right thing by refusing. And yes it does suck. Thank you Allumere...this is exactly how I felt. I felt like I was there to be retested by his feelings and this second harder rejection sucks indeed. I admit, I hoped that something would change in his mind/heart if he saw me again after so many months....because he had always been volnerable to me when he saw me...he had never been deep in love with me but he had always been attracted by me when he saw me...this time, I saw it in his eyes and in his reactions, he was too indifferent. And I feel soooo rejected, you can't imagine how painful it is. I feel like I lost my last chance. Maybe it was better to leave things as they were...because when he first left me, he was not sure about his decision. He wanted me. He showed it. He was in love. I guess the idea of moving the relations to a further stage trapped his feelings six months ago.But now nothing. I forgott to mention, that he admitted having two short rebound affairs soon after we broke up. Do you believe this has also played a role for his distancing? The most painful thing is to feel that I had a "tiny chance" and missed it because I was not that attractive to him anymore....It sucks so much...I guess now....there is NO NO NO hope anymore....?
cavalier99 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Well at least he killed any false hope you had. That is something to be grateful for. Hope for something in the past is the worst. Time to REALLY move on. This is the best thing that could have happened. Sorry it sucks but now you have to let go. No choice.
Author Elin321 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Well at least he killed any false hope you had. That is something to be grateful for. Hope for something in the past is the worst. Time to REALLY move on. This is the best thing that could have happened. Sorry it sucks but now you have to let go. No choice. The truth hearts. But this is the truth indeed. Thank you for your reply cavalier.
Allumere Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Oh..I know exactly how painful it is as I am sure many that come to this site can also attest to the pain. It is just the way things needed to play out as now you should have no hope or illusion that this person will play any part in your life. Its incredibly sad and painful...and it will take time to regroup again. Its kinda like keeping someone on life support. When they are still physically here and plugged to the machines a glimmer of hope tends to exist. Maybe, just maybe they will be able to wakeup. Pull the plug and bury them and there is no way to go back and you have only one direction to go and thats forward.
flitzanu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Thank you Allumere...this is exactly how I felt. I felt like I was there to be retested by his feelings and this second harder rejection sucks indeed. I admit, I hoped that something would change in his mind/heart if he saw me again after so many months....because he had always been volnerable to me when he saw me...he had never been deep in love with me but he had always been attracted by me when he saw me...this time, I saw it in his eyes and in his reactions, he was too indifferent. And I feel soooo rejected, you can't imagine how painful it is. I feel like I lost my last chance. Maybe it was better to leave things as they were...because when he first left me, he was not sure about his decision. He wanted me. He showed it. He was in love. I guess the idea of moving the relations to a further stage trapped his feelings six months ago.But now nothing. I forgott to mention, that he admitted having two short rebound affairs soon after we broke up. Do you believe this has also played a role for his distancing? The most painful thing is to feel that I had a "tiny chance" and missed it because I was not that attractive to him anymore....It sucks so much...I guess now....there is NO NO NO hope anymore....? if you had a "tiny chance" don't you think he would have let you know over the last 6 months?
Author Elin321 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 if you had a "tiny chance" don't you think he would have let you know over the last 6 months? Oh....too hard and painful...but true....
Hopeful714 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 How could somebody "like you alot" "find everything they were looking for in a woman in you" but "just not be into you?" Could this be that you were being told false things or maybe the timing wasn't right? If he said all that...then I'd be curious what was missing? And for him to come back and reject again??? uggh.
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