sydneylovesyou123 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I've posted on here before. Up to date this is what happened: Bf and I (now we are sorta dating) have been dating for 5 months. Most of which have been long distance. We are from the same hometown and went to hs together. We met last year at our university, he now is in pharmacy school about 3 hours away. We agree, when we see each other it is a great time, we have fun and click...but when we are apart, it isn't too good. He is severely stressed, and he takes it all out on me and his family, (I guess because we are the closest to him). Before I met him, he just got out of a relationship, he was very stressed and took it out on her (similar situations) except she would always put him down and say how bad of a person he was, then she cheated on him. He lost his gf and his best bud (his best bud screwed him over pretty badly) within the same month. He says he doesn't care about anything anymore, whenever I try to get emotional with him. I know he cares about me. I think he is scarred from his past though, I feel like he didn't get any time to heal. At the beginning of our LDR, he kept saying "wow you are so different from my ex, you are so awesome and wonderful, blah blah blah" When he talks about feelings it is very subtle, he admitted he was scared. but didn't go into great detail. Basically as time went on in his school year, he treated me worse and worse. It wasn't like he was being mean...he just wasn't being anything. Blank. An emotionless boy if you will. I think he has fallen into a depression, he didn't know school would be so hard. I think he is trying to find out who he is. That's okay, I understand that everyone needs to find out who they are. He is 22 and at a point where he is not in college anymore, he is in grad school and needs to start growing up. I get it; it's a very scary thing. I will go through it too. The problem is, I'm stuck in the middle of this. This entire thing is affecting us. He says that things are so great when we are together, but when we are apart he just gets stressed 24/7 and taking it out on me, just hurts me. Plus he said the distance sucks. He says he is really torn. We had a conversation last night...all he says is "i don't know, I don't know I don't know" to EVERYTHING. His parents even notice it...and I really think it has to do with depression. I have been nothing but there for him the entire time. During our conversation last night he said that he is torn and doesn't know what he wants to do. He doesn't know what he wants with me or with life. He said he hopes I don't think it is something I am doing, or me in general; it's completely him. He said there isn't anyone he's interested in. He said he just wants me to be happy and do what makes me happy; it kills him to see me so upset. He even said he can't believe he is doing this to me because I am a fantastic person and don't deserve any of this. He keeps saying "i'm just so messed up. I'm so sorry" Everything is fine when we are together, until I bring up that conversation. It makes me cry instantly, so I don't know why i even bring it up. He said that if I think there is someone better out there for me, then to go for it because he doesn't want me to suffer because he doesn't know what he wants. I asked him if he thought there was someone better for him out there. He responded and said that he doesn't even think about that. With that being said, guys I need your advice. Is this just a crisis he is going through? Too much at his plate at one time? He spends a lot of time studying. I find that while he is at school, he is very emotionless, always wanting to sleep. Again, maybe depression. Pharmacy school is helllll. Plus this is an accelerated program. The problem is, when I'm home for break, I've been wanting to hang out with him NONSTOP. I feel like I need to spend as much time with him as possible. He doesn't really see it that way. He is the type of person that could care less if he stayed in on a friday or saturday night and slept or went out. Am i dealing with someone who doesn't know what he wants in life yet, or is he really just messed up? Could I be too pushy and clingy? I feel as though if I don't try, he won't either. Will he ever realize what is in front of him? I have been sorta demanding this entire break, like demanding to know what we are. He told me yesterday "You are looking for answers, I don't have them for you. I say we are kinda together and kinda not. I don't know what to do and have explained to you a million times I don't know what i want" Should I just give up and move on? Is he just not that into me? Any input would be great. I just always get treated like this. They always don't know what they have until it is gone. I don't understand it. Every guy I have seriously dated has come back asking me over and over again for another chance because they didn't realize what they had until I moved on.
flitzanu Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 "i don't know what i want" = "i don't want to be with you". it's pretty simple. you don't need to be drug along while he figures out his life.
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