Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 My emotions are changing by the hour. Now I'm thinking about how she checked out of the relationship before dumping me and it hurts like hell. We're kissing, cuddling, telling each other how much we love each other. Celebrating our anniversary. The next day... I'm dumped. She says to herself that her life is better without me in it. Without me as her partner. Her new guy is better than me. f*ck this, I just want to go to work already..
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 My emotions are changing by the hour. Now I'm thinking about how she checked out of the relationship before dumping me and it hurts like hell. We're kissing, cuddling, telling each other how much we love each other. Celebrating our anniversary. The next day... I'm dumped. She says to herself that her life is better without me in it. Without me as her partner. Her new guy is better than me. f*ck this, I just want to go to work already.. Then that should be your motivation. Everytime you start thinking about her, just re-read that statement. And then, prove her wrong. Go to the gym, work out your frustations and stress. Get a new hairstyle and buy a new wardrobe. Talk to some friends about taking a trip over spring break. Go somewhere! Travel! Get out of the norm and go see something new. Have an adventure. Trust me, it will do you a world of good.
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I've actually got a bit of a new wardrobe already. Working on adding to it now. I've changed my hairstyle (it was changed while I was with her, and it's stuck since). I really just want to feel the same level of confidence that I had when I was with her. I try not to think about the fact that she's living her life and has been living her life without me in it. and while she may have small spills of guilt here and there, she doesn't care to reach out to me and is under the impression that I'm the bad guy in all of this. That her new guy "saved her" from me and will give her things that I couldn't. It's an absolute shot to the gut..
livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You're right again lol. It's so weird, but I go from missing her, to wanting her back, to hating her. A few hours ago, I missed her. Now, I think about what she did and I hate her guts and hope that she never finds happiness. Sometimes I wonder if I really do still love her. If I loved her, wouldn't I wish her the best? I don't wish her the best though. Which is why I think that it's more I feel lonely, she's just the person I think of when I feel lonely. I guess you're right she will try to find a way to contact me if she really wanted to. I just liked hearing from her, it made me think she still cared. I never responded to anything, usually over analyzed everything and hoped it meant something it didn't. Let me share something with you, as someone who pined for a man who cheated on me and left me completely heartbroken. I took him back. And it was a horrible, horrible mistake!! Some people do not deserve your well-wishes. Your only concern at this point in time should be you. Forget about her! Focus on yourself, bettering yourself, climbing out of this deep, dark pit of despair. Bouncing between feelings is totally normal, but you HAVE to remind yourself over and over that a relationship with her is TOXIC. Time keeps moving on, and it will absolutely get better. I am living proof. I was cheated on by a man who claimed he wanted to marry me. Within 2 weeks of me taking him back (as I said, worst mistake of my life), he was back to his old suspicious ways. I cut him off and never looked back (BEST decision of my life!). I went from the pathetic one to the one with all the power. He called and texted me 5 times on my birthday... I didn't answer or respond to a single one. YOU have this power, too! All you have to do is recognize that you deserve better. As long as you allow yourself to be controlled by your longing for "what used to be", you can never fully realize your potential as a strong, self-supporting man. Naturally, after I ditched him completely, my ex went back to the woman he cheated on me with (who knew he cheated on her). He's since cheated on her multiple other times, and is now married to her -- though I seriously doubt that changes his stance on fidelity. All of this is to say... Love yourself first. You can't rely on other people (or your ideals of other people) to lift you up or make you whole. I promise you, the sooner you cut the ties and start living for YOU, you will feel so much better!! Put yourself back in a position of power. Live life for YOU. No one else has as much power over your happiness as YOU do!! Many hugs and best wishes for your recovery. 2
Chi townD Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I've actually got a bit of a new wardrobe already. Working on adding to it now. I've changed my hairstyle (it was changed while I was with her, and it's stuck since). I really just want to feel the same level of confidence that I had when I was with her. I try not to think about the fact that she's living her life and has been living her life without me in it. and while she may have small spills of guilt here and there, she doesn't care to reach out to me and is under the impression that I'm the bad guy in all of this. That her new guy "saved her" from me and will give her things that I couldn't. It's an absolute shot to the gut.. If her new guy was so much better than you, then why the hell did she make it her mission in life to contact you? The fact is, he isn't better than you. If he was, she wouldn't have put forth that much of an effort to get you to talk because her new man would be the total package and wouldn't require her to reach out to you. He's missing some things that you have. So! In her perfect world, she wanted you in the friend zone. Therefore, she can get her emotional needs met by you and the physical needs met by him. She would have the best of both worlds. If you think that her life is so much better with you out of it. Well, guess what? It's not. If she was absolutely content with her life and new man she would have NO REASON to contact you. That's the reality of this. LOL! I'm half tempted to tell you to text her new boyfriend with, "Can you tell your girlfriend to stop trying to contact me. I'm not interested anymore." That would probably go over like a soup sandwich!
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Thanks livy, I really appreciate it and I know a relationship with her would NEVER work as much as I want it to. I wonder if I could ever trust her like I used to. I trusted this girl with my life. She gave me no reasons to not think otherwise until it was over. She's sent me breadcrumbs texts since I've been NC. "We need to talk" "I want to talk to you, I miss you" Eventually I needed to block her number for my own sake. It sucks dealing with it, I loved hearing from her. But in order for me to fully heal, I need to not jump every time my phone rings hoping that it's her. I still look at my phone hoping it's her even though she's blocked lol. I really want to work on me. I was happy before I dated her. I can be happier now that I'm not dating her. I just have to learn how.
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 If her new guy was so much better than you, then why the hell did she make it her mission in life to contact you? The fact is, he isn't better than you. If he was, she wouldn't have put forth that much of an effort to get you to talk because her new man would be the total package and wouldn't require her to reach out to you. He's missing some things that you have. So! In her perfect world, she wanted you in the friend zone. Therefore, she can get her emotional needs met by you and the physical needs met by him. She would have the best of both worlds. If you think that her life is so much better with you out of it. Well, guess what? It's not. If she was absolutely content with her life and new man she would have NO REASON to contact you. That's the reality of this. LOL! I'm half tempted to tell you to text her new boyfriend with, "Can you tell your girlfriend to stop trying to contact me. I'm not interested anymore." That would probably go over like a soup sandwich! I felt like doing that at times while she was contacting me. I like to think of it that way. It actually makes me feel better. He doesn't have EVERYTHING I have because you're right. If he did, she wouldn't text me things like "I miss you, I want to talk to you" on CHRISTMAS DAY OF ALL TIMES! HELLO? DON'T YOU HAVE A FAMILY? I don't want to stoop to the level of her ex boyfriend though. Her ex before me is a straight clown and tried to sabotage my relationship with her. She told me how much she hated him doing all of this, when I told her to block him. She didn't. It took 3 months after the start of our relationship for her to block him on facebook, and she never blocked his number so they still talk. He called her a psychotic b*tch through email and she calls him with her problems. (she told me she talked to "him" before calling me) and guess what? He listens! Unbelievable.. Her number's blocked now, not sure if she knows it or not. But she'll find out eventually. It is what it is. I've just gotta do me once I go back to school and not go to school scared every day, afraid that I MIGHT run into her. If me seeing her happy bothers me. Why would her seeing me happy, not bother her?
fixing Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I'll give you a brief summary. We were together in high school, were going to the same college. Thought it would be great. She made some new friends, and talked to them when she was mad at me. They told her to dump me. She also met a new guy who she cheated on me with. She lives on campus, I commute to school. So I wasn't around as much. I never wanted to be controlling so I let her talk to however many guys she wanted. (she talked to A LOT of them). Beginning of October, she breaks up with me. I'm a mess. Her friends message me on facebook and tell me that she cheated on me/demonized me to her new friends. I flip out, send her angry messages, cry for her to come back. We're in the same classes so it's very awkward. Semester ends, she starts texting me saying "we need to talk" "I know we ended on bad terms but I'd like to be friends", throwing me as many breadcrumbs as she can. Texting me late at night at random times. I get fed up, tell her "There's nothing we need to talk about. Leave me alone". lol so much for brief. Well I'm sure one day I will look back at all of this and laugh. The emotional roller coaster is not fun at all. I'd like to stay angry at her, I don't like missing her at all. Wow man, i can relate to this mate. You know you need to move on after she cheated (Me too), but that doesnt stop you from thinking/wanting her.... You will get through this man, keep posting here. Keep no contact m8, that cheating £%£$ can sling it! You keep no contact, and ignore ALL contact if and when she does mate. You dont need some twofaced/disloyal #### in your life anymore. Sorry, rant over. :mad:
livy07 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 I really want to work on me. I was happy before I dated her. I can be happier now that I'm not dating her. I just have to learn how. One day at a time. That's all you can do. I know I may have made it sound like I was some superhuman bad-ass while going through the breakup I mentioned... quite the contrary. I missed him so much, it pained me to even watch people kiss on TV. I cried nonstop, I lost 14 lbs and was horribly depressed. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. Now, here I am 3.5 years later, going through a rough spot with my current boyfriend... a man that has loved me like no other... in fact, he makes me wonder if anyone else every truly loved me. Once you find someone that loves you the way you deserve to be loved, you'll wonder why you wasted so much energy on someone that clearly never had your best interest at heart. One day at a time Just keep reminding yourself that you deserve better. The breadcrumbs thing is lunacy. If she truly wanted you, you'd be getting a hell of a lot more than breadcrumbs. She's just fishing to see if you'll give her the ego boost she needs/wants. That's all.
Author na49 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 Gah this is so hard. Hearing your story is refreshing. To know that you found someone else. I just don't know if I'll find someone that easy. I feel so lonely sometimes that I feel like crying. I went out with friends tonight and felt great. As soon as I got home just a little while ago, I started feeling it again. Reminding myself that she is gone. She's never coming back. She's going to find new guys and love them more than she loved me. It hurts me so much to think about it, so I try not to. Then I think of it more.. I deserve better, but have convinced myself that she was the best. I thought I took her off the pedestal already, I guess I've put her back on it. I feel like I'm changing and want to share this new me with her, but I can't. I'm also wanting to reach out to her again. I have enough control not to. But this want is horrible. Do I really need to SEE her kissing a new guy to realize she's never coming back? I know she's never coming back. Why do I feel like hurting myself and setting myself back like this? I haven't seen her with a new guy, I know she's with one though. These feelings are exhausting. Makes me never want to have my heart broken again.
coffeebean201 Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Sorry.......hugs Sometimes we get in a rut and progress seems slow. Have you thought about a new roommate or something? Something to break up the monotony? From what you said, you seemed to be fine tonight until you came home
Author na49 Posted January 3, 2013 Author Posted January 3, 2013 I've been having good days and bad days for a while now. I just hate how right now I feel like checking up on her after I haven't done it in over 2 months. Just to see what she's been doing. Who exactly she's dating now. I feel like screaming. I found that I cried over her for the first time in a while earlier. That was frustrating too. Why does a girl who disrespected me deserve any of my tears? She probably never cried over me after breaking up with me. She was so happy she got rid of me. Like her new friends saved her from this "bad guy". Where the heck did my confidence go? I know how miserable I sound writing this.
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