na49 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Feeling worse than yesterday. Not too depressed or anything, just thinking about her. What she'll be doing tonight. Will she be with him? I don't even know if they'd be able to see each other. Will she think of me at all? Think of the time that we had this past year? Was the time with me really that bad? None of this should matter to me, but it hasn't stopped me from thinking about it. Meh, just venting. At least I won't have to worry about hearing from her.
sydneylovesyou123 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Do you honestly believe that she is thinking of you? If she isn't thinking of you why are you wasting your time thinking of her? You should be thinking about yourself. What are YOU doing for tonight, who will YOU be with...will here be ANOTHER girl tonight that will be with YOU. Time heals all wounds, but if you continue to focus on someone who doesn't care about you, you will regret it in the end, I promise you that. It might have been great while it lasted, but the past is the past. 1
Author na49 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I really do need to stop focusing on her. It's just annoying how yesterday I feel great without her and today I'm thinking of her more than I should. You're right with everything you said, and reading that made me feel better. She isn't thinking of me, so I shouldn't think of her. (if I can help it)
sydneylovesyou123 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 You will have your ups and downs while in the process of moving on. You need to find someone who will do anything to make you happy and smile. Clearly, she wasn't for you and that is okay. There will be plenty of other girls and when you look back on her, you will ask yourself why you spent so much of your time worried about what she was doing. 1
mike588 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Feeling worse than yesterday. Not too depressed or anything, just thinking about her. What she'll be doing tonight. Will she be with him? I don't even know if they'd be able to see each other. Will she think of me at all? Think of the time that we had this past year? Was the time with me really that bad? None of this should matter to me, but it hasn't stopped me from thinking about it. Meh, just venting. At least I won't have to worry about hearing from her. Been here done that. My ex. dumped me 16 months ago for her ex. and I was devestated. I too wondered what she was doing especially on weekends...was she with him....what are they doing...are they having sex by the fireplace like we used to do? Is she thinking about me ? etc. etc. etc. I analyzed the b/u a million + times and about drove myself crazy over it and now look back on it and feel somewhat embarrased over letting her and myself be so hurt. I used to live on this site cause I was so hurt but now I rarely come here cause I'm sooo over her and the b/u and one day you will too!!! It's normal to feel the way your feeling...it's all part of the healing process and you WILL get thru this that I promise you!!! It just takes time. This is all a growing and learning experience for you and we ALL have to go thru heartbreak/s in our lifes...it sucks I know!!! Be good to yourself...it doesn't matter what you did or didn't do in the relationship just learn from it and do your best to move on. It does get better! Really...Trust me and good luck. 5
Author na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 I just couldn't stop the thoughts yesterday. They came and went, but always came back. I freaking hate this. I'm trying to enjoy New Years with my family and just couldn't get her out of my head. I started having thoughts about wanting to be her "friend" because the idea of losing her was bothering me, and explaining everything to her so she wouldn't hate me. I felt like checking her facebook and twitter to see if she was writing things that were related to me. Today's a little better. I really hate these feelings.
mike588 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I just couldn't stop the thoughts yesterday. They came and went, but always came back. I freaking hate this. I'm trying to enjoy New Years with my family and just couldn't get her out of my head. I started having thoughts about wanting to be her "friend" because the idea of losing her was bothering me, and explaining everything to her so she wouldn't hate me. I felt like checking her facebook and twitter to see if she was writing things that were related to me. Today's a little better. I really hate these feelings. You can expect "those thoughts" for some time...I did and we all do/did.My ex. WAS on my mind from the second I woke till I fell asleep...again it's normal to feel this way. Forget the friends thing...it won't work now. Maybe way down the road you can be friends and probably by that time you won't care and may not even want to be her friend. By reaching out now and trying to be her friend will only prolong your agony....how can you be her friend when your still emotionally attached? How would you feel if she told you about her dating experiences?? How would you feel if she told you about her new boyfriend?? You need to go strict No Contact and go thru all the emotions/feelings your feeling now...it's the best thing for you now even though you don't see or understand it now. Also stay off Facebook and don't check up on her...again it's only going to set you back and you DON'T need to explain ANYTHING. When my ex. dumped me I went No Contact and it sped up my healing process...it wasn't easy and I went thru exactly what your going thru now!! Don't contact her...Whatever you do NEVER cry..beg plead with her...you will look pathetic and weak. Let her wonder about you..what your doing...what your up to...disappear from her life and let her contact you if she ever feels she needs to. My ex. contacted me several times at the 6 month mark and now I wouldn't go back to her for a million bucks....well maybe a million lol. No Contact is NOT a tool to use to get her back...it's to help you heal and move on and it works!!!!!!!!! Six months...nine months...this time next year you'll look back on this wonder what the hell was I thinking and you'll be a stronger person..You will !!!!!! 3
Author na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 I appreciate the kind words man. I've been NC for almost two months now. I finally got myself to cut the final string of contact and blocked her number last week. I feel like that may have set me back a bit. Now I KNOW that she can't contact me and it sucks. I also haven't checked her facebook in over two months and stopped checking before I actually saw pictures of her and her new guy. This really isn't how I drew up the beginning of 2013, but it is what it is. I really hope you're right (and you probably are) about being able to look back at this and laugh at it. This emotional up and down is just exhausting though. I shouldn't want her back at all because she cheated on me and if she does what she did to me as my girlfriend, why should I expect any different from her as just a friend? I don't want to be friends with her, I tried and it sucked. She told me about her new guy, I told her to stop because it was hurting me. She told me her new friends are better than me. That's the last conversation I had with her. The last thing I told her was right before I blocked her number to leave me alone. She wanted to talk, so I told her we had nothing to talk about.
mike588 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I appreciate the kind words man. I've been NC for almost two months now. I finally got myself to cut the final string of contact and blocked her number last week. I feel like that may have set me back a bit. Now I KNOW that she can't contact me and it sucks. I also haven't checked her facebook in over two months and stopped checking before I actually saw pictures of her and her new guy. This really isn't how I drew up the beginning of 2013, but it is what it is. I really hope you're right (and you probably are) about being able to look back at this and laugh at it. This emotional up and down is just exhausting though. I shouldn't want her back at all because she cheated on me and if she does what she did to me as my girlfriend, why should I expect any different from her as just a friend? I don't want to be friends with her, I tried and it sucked. She told me about her new guy, I told her to stop because it was hurting me. She told me her new friends are better than me. That's the last conversation I had with her. The last thing I told her was right before I blocked her number to leave me alone. She wanted to talk, so I told her we had nothing to talk about. Good for you for blocking her # looking for her on Facebook...it will help you and keep it up!!! You say she can't contact you now...let me tell you something..if she wants to contact you she will find a way...believe that!! So she cheated on you....why would you even want her back?? Don't you think that will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind if you two were to ever try it again...could you EVER TRUST HER??? The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. Mine cheated on me with her ex. and I now feel STUPID for ever wanting to try it again and I understand how you feel because I felt the same way. Yes it is exausting..I remember my days of hell...could'nt eat...couldn't sleep without getting hammered...walking around like a zombie. Please for your sake DO NOT try to contact her...Don't!!!!!!!!! I feel for you....it brings back (but doesn't hurt) my awful days...weeks and months of torture. Yes you will get thru this and yes you will look back on this one day with a whole different attitude....Seriously!!! We all do/have. In the mean time try to stay busy..surround yourself with friend and family..do things that make you feel good and happy...take up a hobby.I know it's tough when your still hurting because all you do is think about her. I can't stress enough truthfully that you will be sooooo much stronger and wiser when you get over this. One day you'll meet someone else and be glad she's gone...especially a cheater. Remember when you close the door on any hurtful relationship (cheating) make sure you lock the door.
Author na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 You're right again lol. It's so weird, but I go from missing her, to wanting her back, to hating her. A few hours ago, I missed her. Now, I think about what she did and I hate her guts and hope that she never finds happiness. Sometimes I wonder if I really do still love her. If I loved her, wouldn't I wish her the best? I don't wish her the best though. Which is why I think that it's more I feel lonely, she's just the person I think of when I feel lonely. I guess you're right she will try to find a way to contact me if she really wanted to. I just liked hearing from her, it made me think she still cared. I never responded to anything, usually over analyzed everything and hoped it meant something it didn't.
mike588 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 You're right again lol. It's so weird, but I go from missing her, to wanting her back, to hating her. A few hours ago, I missed her. Now, I think about what she did and I hate her guts and hope that she never finds happiness. Sometimes I wonder if I really do still love her. If I loved her, wouldn't I wish her the best? I don't wish her the best though. Which is why I think that it's more I feel lonely, she's just the person I think of when I feel lonely. I guess you're right she will try to find a way to contact me if she really wanted to. I just liked hearing from her, it made me think she still cared. I never responded to anything, usually over analyzed everything and hoped it meant something it didn't. Haha..felt the same EXACT way. One minute loving her and the next HATING her guts...this went on for quite some time and it's normal and ok to feel that way. Now I don't really feel anything for her other than feeling sorry for her.You'll get there too. I also felt that if she contacted me it would show that she still cared and hoped she would. I would of taken my phone in the shower with me if it was waterproof hoping she would call. I look back on that time now and realize how PATHETIC I was...almost embarrasing! I don't know your whole story but if you two were together for any "real time" and she loved you then of course she still cares....she's probably to embarrased and or feels bad about what she did...you know a guilt trip. She may....may still love you in some way but is NOT in love with you...a big difference. Easier said than done (I know) but don't waste your time analyzing the breakup and wondering what she's doing....if she still cares....if she'll contact you etc.etc. Like I said before don't in ANY WAY contact her...it's not worth it!!! One day you'll be on the "other side" and not give a sh*t about what shes doing and you will just not give a crap anymore....it's a great feeling...trust me you'll get there that I promise.
Author na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 I'll give you a brief summary. We were together in high school, were going to the same college. Thought it would be great. She made some new friends, and talked to them when she was mad at me. They told her to dump me. She also met a new guy who she cheated on me with. She lives on campus, I commute to school. So I wasn't around as much. I never wanted to be controlling so I let her talk to however many guys she wanted. (she talked to A LOT of them). Beginning of October, she breaks up with me. I'm a mess. Her friends message me on facebook and tell me that she cheated on me/demonized me to her new friends. I flip out, send her angry messages, cry for her to come back. We're in the same classes so it's very awkward. Semester ends, she starts texting me saying "we need to talk" "I know we ended on bad terms but I'd like to be friends", throwing me as many breadcrumbs as she can. Texting me late at night at random times. I get fed up, tell her "There's nothing we need to talk about. Leave me alone". lol so much for brief. Well I'm sure one day I will look back at all of this and laugh. The emotional roller coaster is not fun at all. I'd like to stay angry at her, I don't like missing her at all.
mike588 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I'll give you a brief summary. We were together in high school, were going to the same college. Thought it would be great. She made some new friends, and talked to them when she was mad at me. They told her to dump me. She also met a new guy who she cheated on me with. She lives on campus, I commute to school. So I wasn't around as much. I never wanted to be controlling so I let her talk to however many guys she wanted. (she talked to A LOT of them). Beginning of October, she breaks up with me. I'm a mess. Her friends message me on facebook and tell me that she cheated on me/demonized me to her new friends. I flip out, send her angry messages, cry for her to come back. We're in the same classes so it's very awkward. Semester ends, she starts texting me saying "we need to talk" "I know we ended on bad terms but I'd like to be friends", throwing me as many breadcrumbs as she can. Texting me late at night at random times. I get fed up, tell her "There's nothing we need to talk about. Leave me alone". lol so much for brief. Well I'm sure one day I will look back at all of this and laugh. The emotional roller coaster is not fun at all. I'd like to stay angry at her, I don't like missing her at all. QUIT answering her texts/calls!!! The anger will go away in time as well as the missing her.
suladas Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 QUIT answering her texts/calls!!! The anger will go away in time as well as the missing her. Pretty sure i'm thinking of the right person but he did ignore them, he only sent one telling her to leave him alone and then he blocked her.
LostOne1 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I appreciate the kind words man. I've been NC for almost two months now. I finally got myself to cut the final string of contact and blocked her number last week. I feel like that may have set me back a bit. Now I KNOW that she can't contact me and it sucks. I also haven't checked her facebook in over two months and stopped checking before I actually saw pictures of her and her new guy. This really isn't how I drew up the beginning of 2013, but it is what it is. I really hope you're right (and you probably are) about being able to look back at this and laugh at it. This emotional up and down is just exhausting though. I shouldn't want her back at all because she cheated on me and if she does what she did to me as my girlfriend, why should I expect any different from her as just a friend? I don't want to be friends with her, I tried and it sucked. She told me about her new guy, I told her to stop because it was hurting me. She told me her new friends are better than me. That's the last conversation I had with her. The last thing I told her was right before I blocked her number to leave me alone. She wanted to talk, so I told her we had nothing to talk about. yeah I hate that feeling too. Days I'm so good and I love my new life with my new time and being able to do what ever I want. But then some days I get lonely or I have free time I'd have used for her and then it hits me. Or I have some memory pop up or I just get mad and the pain comes back. I guess it's really hard to be attached to someone. The weird part is I NEVER thought I was attached to her.. she was attached to me. But when she left.. I think my true feelings came out. But by then it was too late to do anything. So these up and down days come by a lot man. I'm at 5-6 months BU and 2 months NC. And I still break down on some days.... I remmeber my last BU it took me over a year to full recover. And I mostly recovered after the year after I met my current ex. So it took me a year and a half + meeting someone new to fully heal me and let me move on... I suppose it will be the same now. It will take me a full year and meeting someone new to heal. And I don't plan on meeting anyone for a year anyways. I need to get my act straight with my career, school and work before I jump into a relationship again.
Author na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Pretty sure i'm thinking of the right person but he did ignore them, he only sent one telling her to leave him alone and then he blocked her. Yeah you're thinking of the right person lol. That's what I did. It sucks, now I'm looking at my phone just wishing I would get a text from her or a call or something. Pretty much any breadcrumbs she'd throw me. I'm wondering what she's doing right now. If she's thought of me. If she knows that I blocked her. What she thought about me blocking her if she found out. Hating this right now. I shouldn't want her back, but I do. I want the old her back. the old her that doesn't exist.
LostOne1 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah you're thinking of the right person lol. That's what I did. It sucks, now I'm looking at my phone just wishing I would get a text from her or a call or something. Pretty much any breadcrumbs she'd throw me. I'm wondering what she's doing right now. If she's thought of me. If she knows that I blocked her. What she thought about me blocking her if she found out. Hating this right now. I shouldn't want her back, but I do. I want the old her back. the old her that doesn't exist. been there man.... let's say if she even if thinking of you? what's the point? It's not like you two will get back together. I mean I get you too, because you want to know if she hurts even a little like you do. And I can see that.. but other than that they don't really care about us. Think about it if you let something go.. you REALLY would've had to be sure you are willing to let it go. She was sure from what she thought or felt at that moment. Just like my ex was sure to BU with me. And imagine letting something go... it's tough but letting it go you finally move on and accept you did the right thing. Doesn't mean our ex's are right, but they believe what they did was right. If they felt wrong, they would tell us and come back and work it out and really show they didn't mean to hurt us. But neither of our ex's is back fighting for us trying to break down doors to get to us. You want her because you can't have her. You miss all the moments you had and a life you had and enjoyed. And now all of those things are taken away and it obviously hurts. But with time the body, mind, heart and soul realize the new life with just you. And then you will slowly find peace with it all and yourself. 1
cavalier99 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Hey NA. That rant you had in the other thread. The "i hate..this and that" rant tells me that your doing great! I think this is a turning point for you. It all part of the grieving process. It sucks but is necessary. Your going to start to really put some distance between you and freshness of the BU. GET MAD ECETERA. These emotions are good. Much better than the emotions you felt getting all worked up over a text. They hurt more but will help you heal. The suffering you now feel is all possible because you blocked her! Lol Be grateful! At least it is pain that will propel you forward to indifference. This pain and roller coaster of emotions are toughening you up. You don't see it but it is happening. Edited January 1, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author na49 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 You make a great point. To her, dumping me was the right thing to do. The part that hurts when I think of it that way is that it was me or him. Me or the 24 year old rock star prodigy with the money, the clothes, the fast car. The guy who will break her heart once he graduates, and just wants her because she's an easy freshman, he doesn't even want her but she still would have him over me... Me or the friends that she just met and didn't even really know yet. It was talk to me and try to make it work or listen to people who don't know me tell her how "bad I am". It's like I wasn't even taken into consideration. Everything I did was with good intentions, I was never abusive or controlling. I did everything I could to show her I cared and it still wasn't good enough. That frustrates the heck outta me. Oh well, tomorrow I have work and am going to the movies with some friends. That should pick me up for at least a few hours. I don't have time to think of her when I'm hanging out with my friends.
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 These up and downs... I'm thinking of her. Again. What else is new? Thinking of how great the relationship was, wishing we could go back to the way things were. Wishing she'd reach out to me and want to fix things. This is all unrealistic, I figured I'd post this here instead of making another thread. I don't see myself with anyone else but her right now. I can't see myself loving someone else and having someone else love me like I thought she did. F*CK!!! I would scream if I could right now. Where did my confidence go?
cavalier99 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 (edited) Go for a run or beat off or both..just DON'T beat off while screaming running thru your neighborhood...and don't think of her while doing either lol Lmao Edited January 2, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Go for a run or beat off or both..just DON'T beat off while screaming running thru your neighborhood...and don't think of her while doing either lol Lmao haha that actually made me laugh . thanks cav, I needed that.
cavalier99 Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 No prob. I made myself laugh like I say we take this stuff too seriously. All our woes are really nothing but a little heart break that we will get over...i mean i hope so. Its not like a terminal disease is it? I f*ckin hope not. I think other have been cured lol
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 We definitely do take it too seriously. It sucks to think that she's moved on and is perfectly happy living her life without me in it at all. A big shot to my ego.
Author na49 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Might as well just use this thread as my diary for now. I woke up this morning and really didn't feel like crap. I had dreams that related to her, but she wasn't actually in them. Obviously hoping to have more days like this, but I honestly have no idea what I'll feel tomorrow or a few hours from now. 1
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