Pinky777 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 It's been almost 8 weeks now since my ex broke up with me. Although it was "friendly" breakup and probably for the best, as he wasn't in the right place for a serious relationship (he's about a year out of a very messy divorce), I did not want things to end and I miss him terribly every minute. Sometimes I feel OK, other days I cant' stop crying and wishing I could go back and change things. Today's one of the bad days. I'm just thinking of the new year and instead of feeling positive for all the new experiences that could be in store for me, I'm dreading 2013 even coming because he will not be in it. Each day that goes by I lose a little more hope that we'll get back together. We got along so great and it was amazing, but in the end he just didn't love me the way I loved him and he couldn't give me his heart. It hurts every day, so much. I miss his friendship. We've been talking here and there, and I don't know if that little contact is making it worse. I'm having a hard time letting him all the way go. If we had no conact, i would miss him even more. It helps knowing he still cares about me in some way even if its' not exactly the way I want. I guess i'm feeling sad because of the new year. I'm sitting here reflecting on all of the things I could have done differently with him, crying my eyes out. I'm supposed to go to a party tonight and I'm so afraid I'm going to wind up sobbing or trying to call him or just having a breakdown. I don't want to live without him in my life. Never in the past have I had such trouble letting go. I'm getting older. I'm 35 and I'm so afraid this guy who left me now was my last chance at happiness. I can't imagine ever meeting another man who made me feel the way he does. I've never felt that happy in so long. Maybe ever. I'm basically venting and doubting every decision I've ever made in my life. I don't have a bad life but I've made a lot of mistakes and bad decisions, coming at me all at once today.
MyAngel Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Hugs to you sweetie. We all have bad days but you have to push through it and you don't know what tomorrow will bring - happiness I hope It can be devastating at times.
Gottabestrong Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Pinky, I am so sorry you are having a bad day. I hope you were able to go out last night and have fun after all. I know how you feel though, I also think that my ex might have been my last chance at marriage and children. I did not hear from him yesterday, even though I sent him a text last week wishing him a Happy New Year. That really sucked, but this morning I woke up thinking of him as a jerk who did not deserve me anyway. Hope you move on to the anger stage soon as well. I know it sucks to admit, but if he did not love you, then you are better off without him. Hugs!
RoyMinnett Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 The topic of your thread "So sad today" prompted me to read this thread. Coz I've exactly a same situation today. Today is a very sad day of my life and it happens to be the first day of new year. Hope remaining days go fine. But anyways I do not have a similar issue (like break up), rather have some other issues with life. But just wanted to say, as others said, we do have bad days in our life. I'm sorry that you had a break up with your ex. And if it is good for your guys, I pray, you both get together again! 1
Angel Heart Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Pinky777, Wish I had the right words to have you think more positively and productively. I am hoping the best for you. Perhaps set some simple, manageable 2013 for yourself like I've done; I've found doing so brings focus on myself and my well being. 1. Eat better 2. Sleep better 3. Take better care of self, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically. Take care sweetie; I hope the passage of time will be helpful for you.
Author Pinky777 Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Thank you guys. I did something so dumb yesterday I texted him Happy New Year. I was very drunk & when he didn't respond I texted him another 3 times & tried his cell at 2am. I felt like I was being ignored. This morning he texted me back angry saying that he & his kids were sleeping while I was out partying. & That i was acting ridiculous, that he didn't have to explain himself to me. He's right of course but it hurt. At least it's forcing me into nc. I sent a final text of apology & that I still do hope we can be friends in the future but right now I need to get myself better. I hope he understands & isn't too mad. It rough. Why didn't I leave well enough alone. I knew I'd wind up doing something like that.
Gottabestrong Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Oh Pinky, that sucks. But look on the bright side. There won't be any big holidays coming up for a while and since your last interaction with him was so negative, you will probably find it easier to stick to NC and not contact him again. Stay strong Sweetie!
Recommended Posts