Hello :) I am new here.. me? heart broken from a break up..

[alicess]

Sorry this may get a little long.. but it would mean a lot to me if somebody could help me out..

Me and this guy were madly in love for 6 months. Nobody understood why I liked this guy everyone said I was too good for him, and he was so confused too. He wasn't the most good looking, charming guy. But he was just really modest and very very nice. I tend to fall for nice guys and he was definately the nicest. I was his first girl friend and we had the happiest times ever. He treated me like a queen , he knitted me sweaters, wrote me songs, did so many events for me, and always yielded and apologized for anything and everything.

But there was one issue. his parents. They did not want him dating til AFTER college and they called me , threatened me , called my parents. It was ridiculous. We seemed to do fine but secretly I hated his parents, I think he knew as I always hinted it.. But he's the nicest guy, and when it comes to his family he's the most loving. I called him a mamas boy and he got very offended. Then it lead to a fight and I said that what his parnets did to me and my parents was very disrespectful and rude. He said I crossed the line by talking bad about his parents in front of him and then broke up with me. I was devastated.

Today is Day3 since that happened. After the incident he told my friend that he wants me back but it would be shameless to ask me. Since my phone is out of order at the moment we can't call but he and I always talked online. so I'll summarize this by day.

Day 1 (Day we broke up): He wrote me a long message saying that he regrets so much and that he is dying because of it and that he should have been more forgiving and understanding of me. But there was no asking me out again. Then he asked how I was feeling and so on. He asked me if we could be friends, I said no. because then I can't move on. He was devastated and I told him not to talk to me.

 

Day 2: I realized that he is such a nice person and that we had a strong friendship as well and said yes to this question (am I making a mistake..?). Then he started talking to me whenever I was online. There is this chat thing that only I'm his friend, and when I'm not on facebook he always logs on and talks to me there (I have many friends on that chat thing, while I'm his only friend (he made it because of me). ). He asks how I'm doing and all, and I acted really bright (I didn't have to fake it too much surprisingly?).I acted bright through every single conversation he initiated. Then he went "ah.. I want some time alone... sorry.. bye" and that was it.

 

Day 3(today): He talked to me first thing in the morning and he sounded much brighter. He said yesterday while writing an essay he thought about me because he knew we'd have an interesting discussion. Then he just started the discussion? and then we discussed about it. (I was was like what the.. but then it was also a great turn off for me so I thought it wasn't so bad hahaha). Then I left home to spend a good time outside, and when I came back I have a message he sent saying that he was gonna further the discussion but is too tired to do so , so he'll talk to me later?. I didn't reply and was like what the heck. haha Then he logged on to the chat thing that he only uses to talk to me, and just talked about his day and I talked about mine. He's not the out going type of guy who likes to go out, but he's the type who just stays home.. and he said he just feels like staying home these days thinking, and it makes him sad, but he's very glad that we can at least be friends. He said that "just know that I'm here for you in any way. even if it's as a friend and not a lover! ". He said the break up was all his fault because he couldn't get rid of his ego. and then he finished it with a "you'll always be my best friend.. haha you made this year the best year of my life.. Love you:) ".

 

I want this guy back. I decided I'd be his "friend" because I thought that by talking to him (I never talk to him first. And for the past 3 days of our break up he ALWAYS talks to me.. like whenever he's at home..) his feelings would come out again. I always have this idea that I can get him back if I become less needy and talk to him in a caring way like I used to before the break up. But then like how the "No Contact rule" works, I fear I may just be filling in his gaps to miss me. so by talking to him as a friend I am allowing him to get over me quicker because he does not miss me. But then if I do NC rule, I'm afraid he may just forget about me and move on.

 

sorry this became long.. I don't know what to do. everyone tells me I have nothing to lose because a lot of guys want me anyways but they dont understand that although he's not a ladies man type he is the sweetest person ever.. haha. advice please

[flitzanu]

you're both young, and by the sound of it both are in high school.

 

sure you don't want to hear it and it doesn't matter to you...but life goes on and you're going to have MANY more experiences in the future.

 

while i'm not the most conservative person AT ALL, it should be a strong sign that this kid's parents are calling and harassing you to not date him. that's a lot of unneeded drama, and both of you should respect his parents wishes, because you're not adults and living on your own.

 

i don't believe that it's right for his parents to act liek that, i mean, it's pretty silly and controlling, but that's not my place to judge and isn't your place to judge or force him to disobey his parents.

 

having a relationship built on secrecy and against his parents wishes is NEVER going to work out.

[newmoon]

you can (usually) never come between a parent/child or any other blood relative. relatives come first in most peoples' lives and you probably hurt him a lot over that. since he's a nice/sweet person he'll not want to hurt you, even if he doesn't want you back. don't change who you are for him (sweet talking to get him back, etc), but if you truly want to get back in his good graces maybe try to make amends by respecting his family first, he'd probably appreciate that.