TheUnthoughtKnown Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Perhaps it's because it's the last day of the year, and I always get nostalgic on this day, but I've been going through my memories and finding all the women I've ever loved. Each of them represents a distinct world I inhabited then; an attitude, a mindset I adopted that either worked in tandem with each of these girls, or against them. Finally, I caved. I emailed one. This particular girl is one of the few I had a clean break with. We were really young and silly but very much in love. We broke it off when we realised our lives were taking us different places, and we determined to see where those płaces where and remain good friends through all of it. It was the cleanest break up I've ever had. And we remained friends, for a few years. She helped me particularly during a bad break up a few years back. She likes to play the guitar so she wrote a song for me about cheering up and sent it to me. Thing with this girl is, after me her career took off in unexpected ways. She's now a model living in LA. I know that's pretty damn common in LA, but she's def working as a model and travelling around the world doing it. Although I do feel incredibly happy for her, no one deserves it more, I felt inadequate in return. As though I didn't deserve to speak to her or be in her company. I've done a lot less with my life than she has with hers. So I just stopped getting in contact, I was sick of feeling like I brought nothing to the table. I realise my childishness may have cost me someone who was a very good friend and that's why I decided to email her. Since its been a year since we spoke, part of me wonders where life has taken her now. Last we spoke she was trying to make the jump from modelling to acting, and was working part time as a waitress in a hotel. I joked she was living in a clichè. But I miss her because she was that link to my younger self. A self I'm rapidly gaining 10 years on, now. It's scary to look back at the young boy who thought he was going to be something big one day, to wonder what he'd say if he saw me now. This girl is that link. She followed her dream and is working her way towards the stars, while I feel I'm in the gutter, staring up at her.
mgce Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Reach out to her, UnthoughtKnown. She was clearly a great influence in your life and I see nothing in your post suggesting there's any ill will or any resentment against you dropping out of touch again. I really see *nothing* remotely suggesting she wouldn't be thrilled to hear from you again. I hope you can deeply, deeply appreciate that what makes you worthy of being in someone's life has nothing to do with your relative successes in the material world. It's all about who *you* are, regardless of your life circumstances. She clearly saw, and continued to see, something great in you. There's no reason to believe she's changed her mind in the slightest, no matter how many Hollywood premieres she now attends. How old are you, if I may ask?
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 Reach out to her, UnthoughtKnown. She was clearly a great influence in your life and I see nothing in your post suggesting there's any ill will or any resentment against you dropping out of touch again. I really see *nothing* remotely suggesting she wouldn't be thrilled to hear from you again. I hope you can deeply, deeply appreciate that what makes you worthy of being in someone's life has nothing to do with your relative successes in the material world. It's all about who *you* are, regardless of your life circumstances. She clearly saw, and continued to see, something great in you. There's no reason to believe she's changed her mind in the slightest, no matter how many Hollywood premieres she now attends. How old are you, if I may ask? I'm 25. She's 24 now. We met at 17 and were together for about a year or so before we broke up. She started modelling just before we got together but it was small time stuff. I disliked it even then. I was perhaps more insecure then. I'd like to think it'd be different now. But even then, at 17, all I wanted to do was go out and drink with my friends and be stupid while she was always drawing, writing stories or writing songs. We met through our mutual love of creative writing, but she was always more focused than me. I suppose that made me even more insecure. Funny thing is, I was never jealous. I thought she deserved all these things because she's just non-judgemental, but I thought I didn't deserve her. That's maybe why we broke up. She responded to my email though. Said she was happy to hear from me and said she'll get in touch after the New Year and we'll have a catch up. I just hope I can get over myself by then.
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