Vercetti Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Wise enough to listen, but also wise enough not to flip flop with every indecisive whim. Data-mine / profile then push buttons / tighten screws. Guy that listens doesn't sound so romantic after the above description of the process
Author iris219 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Is this the separated guy you made the thread about the other day? If so, I'm not surprised he's being such a good listener. I don't mean to burst your happy bubble, but like I said before, he's desperate for a lifeboat. Men aren't dumb. They know what works on women to get them what they want. He wants you to like him and have sex with him - so the charm is on full blast right now. I don't think he has any idea what works with women. He's never dated and it's clear he's pretty clueless when comes to dating.
xxoo Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Wise enough to listen, but also wise enough not to flip flop with every indecisive whim. Data-mine / profile then push buttons / tighten screws. Guy that listens doesn't sound so romantic after the above description of the process Important point: Listening to and understanding women does not require being like a woman. Nor does understanding men require being like a man. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I don't think he has any idea what works with women. He's never dated and it's clear he's pretty clueless when comes to dating. I get that you're enjoying feeling special. And hey, maybe you should just enjoy this and have fun with it. I'm just saying don't be surprised if you get the rug yanked out from under you once he's over his divorce. If you can enjoy it knowing it could nosedive later, then enjoy.
Author iris219 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I get that you're enjoying feeling special. And hey, maybe you should just enjoy this and have fun with it. I'm just saying don't be surprised if you get the rug yanked out from under you once he's over his divorce. If you can enjoy it knowing it could nosedive later, then enjoy. I know. We talked about all that and agreed not to date. We are going to do our own thing until May. If we're both single and still want to hang out we will. It's not likely, but we'll see.
musemaj11 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I like women who are a little chatty because Im not much of a talker. Most of the times Im a good listener unless the conversation is really boring.
mn311601 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Chappelle summed it up best. Women are about feelings, men are details. Get to the point and I'll remember what you said. I don't care if you were feeling fat or if the women in your office were talking about you behind your back, tell me the details.
Michal2012 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Sometimes it will happen that men just not interested in what women have to say? I really agree with you. That's not only your problem that you can't talk contently many of men have attitude that they can't talk constantly.
carhill Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) Carhill, that wasn't really my experience. I have known the man in the OP in a professional capacity for a couple of years. I was never attracted to him. When he asked me out, I thought, "Meh, he seems harmless, so why not. Maybe I'll make a new friend." It was his personality traits, especially the fact that he listened and seemed in interested in my life, that made me attracted to him. Never met a woman like you, ever, in thousands of meetings, hundreds of dates, a number of LTR's and one marriage. Still haven't, post divorce, and that includes a number of LS'ers I've met personally. That doesn't invalidate your personal perspective but serves to qualify the length and breadth of the extent of mine in 53 years as a man who does listen to women. ETA the words, recently heard in person, of a married male friend, now pushing 70, who's been married for many years and has a son in his 40's. His words, complete with waving hand motions of his Italian heritage....'Bla, bla, bla'. That's about it. Edited January 1, 2013 by carhill Added more.
Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Men confuse me. If men hate us talking so much, why did my first boyfriend dump me for someone who wouldn't stop talking? And I got dumped for not talking enough! WTF do you really want? lol
Snowman219 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 In many ways, it is tied in with the fact that women like men who genuinely like women. When men on LS complain about how women are this and that, it is no wonder to me why women aren't interested in them Why would I want to be with a guy who is annoyed by women on the whole? Men! We know how to be friends! - YouTube
TheFinalWord Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 My ex never failed to disappoint me, like when I realized he didn't know what my Master's thesis was about. How was this even possible? I talked about it all the time. He should have had at least a vague idea. aw, well with that, I have tried to explain my dissertation to a dozen people. I just give up. When you're doing the research it all makes sense, but other people haven't had years of courses on these topics, read the literature, published on these topics. I try to have a 30 second elevator speech. If you get into methodology, it will just glaze over unless you chat with a fellow nerd I think men should care about things that are important to their mate, even if it's not a topic they would normally be interested in. I think that is true. I used to take notes, honestly. My brain is so filled with due dates right now, it's very difficult to keep a lot of other details straight. Especially date of events, so and so birthday, so and so event. I would just open my outlook calendar and type them in as she said them on the phone. Handy, but worked lol I listened to my ex talk about his job and a certain sport all the time. I wasn't necessarily interested in either independent of him, but because he was interested, I tried to be respectful of his interests by listening to him talk about them. Well that was nice of you! Most women just nod their head. I don't really care for sports myself, so I can empathize with having to listen to a guy drone on about that topic You might check out the 5 love languages Home | The 5 Love Languages® 2
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 In many ways, it is tied in with the fact that women like men who genuinely like women. When men on LS complain about how women are this and that, it is no wonder to me why women aren't interested in them Why would I want to be with a guy who is annoyed by women on the whole? When I was younger, if I heard a guy saying "women just do XYZ or go blah blah blah" it made me run for the hills. Even if a guy was just showing off for friends etc. It made me really think, "that guy will have no respect for me, please he clearly doesn't respect any of us." Everytime I see (some obvious) guys take women's well-intentioned advice or situations on here where they feel confused and twist it through their own dysfunctional filter, it becomes just so beyond obvious why they have trouble dating. If they don't have trouble getting a first and second date, then why they have trouble holding onto any type of healthy relationship. If a girl is upset her boyfriend cheated, twisting it and saying "you probably got off on the drama" "you probably picked him for his looks/wallet anyway and deserved it" "maybe it's because you just didn't do it for him in bed" "he just needed a little variety, I'm sure you do blah blah blah too" just says I CLEARLY HAVE DYSFUNCTIONAL THOUGHT PATTERNS AND I DON'T LIKE TO BE RATIONAL ABOUT MALE RESPONSIBILITY ABD LOYALTY.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Never met a woman like you, ever, in thousands of meetings, hundreds of dates, a number of LTR's and one marriage. Still haven't, post divorce, and that includes a number of LS'ers I've met personally. That doesn't invalidate your personal perspective but serves to qualify the length and breadth of the extent of mine in 53 years as a man who does listen to women. ETA the words, recently heard in person, of a married male friend, now pushing 70, who's been married for many years and has a son in his 40's. His words, complete with waving hand motions of his Italian heritage....'Bla, bla, bla'. That's about it. What first attracted me to my husband was when I was going through a major depression, I knew he liked me but I couldn't be bothered to like anyone at the time. He invited me to sit with him, on the street in Kamloops and panhandle with him (not ask anyone, just to sit and chat while he did). He asked me what I was down about, he was homeless mind you, full-on for 10 years at that point. He listened. I mean REALLY listened. Then he actually VALIDATED what I was going through. He even let me know that he had no judgment on me and that "everyone's got issues." And he knew that he wasn't getting laid out of the deal. (well, not for a long while anyway). He just treated me kindly and gave me a little space to talk and share my dreams. That started the ball rolling. The moment I fell in love with him was laughable actually. I have a world record. Anyway, he wanted us to move in together. I was more than unsure about that (religion). He told me "we'll get two bedrooms." I thought maybe. Than he said "one for us and one for your [really quirky world record hobby.] I had told him about that a long while previous to that and he knew how much time I had put into it. It shocked me how much I reacted to that. I felt like he really understood me. The first day I met my husband, he was completely "not my type" and there was no physical attraction from me to him. He fostered that with his personality, sexuality and his listening and understanding. Consciously or subconsciously he knew how to connect with me. He was also very responsive to my efforts to connect with him. Bonus points for that. We had each other's backs for years before he decided to stab mine. Still working on it.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Cat string theory... wave a string in front of a cat Cat plays with string, pokes at it constantly, when you wave it in front of them and play with them What happens when you let go of the string and just give it to the cat, it quits playing with it because its no longer a challenge and then looks for the next toy to play with Clearly you don't have a cat. Or lots of yarn laying about.
xxoo Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) ETA the words, recently heard in person, of a married male friend, now pushing 70, who's been married for many years and has a son in his 40's. His words, complete with waving hand motions of his Italian heritage....'Bla, bla, bla'. That's about it. My H routinely jokes like that about me. In front of me, even But while there is a lot of truth to that (I do talk at least 3x as much as him), it is just a joke. He's not actually tuning everything out. He's very motivated to keep my happy, and he listens remarkably well in many situations. We never know what happens behind closed doors! Edited January 1, 2013 by xxoo 1
carhill Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 In this case, I've seen the couple fight and the husband ignoring the wife's 'discussion' is pretty obvious. I've known them for about 13 years now and it's been pretty consistent. That's why I used the anecdote. At some level, 'training' by both spouses is involved. Each has 'buttons' and these are trained by repetitive interaction over time. In the shared dynamic, I sincerely hope their interactions are much more loving and friendly behind closed doors when I'm not around. Perhaps, to them, such interactions are loving. They seem like war to me. Different styles, perhaps. Another aspect which posters may have touched upon is the difference between hearing and recording words, like a tape recorder would, and really listening to them and taking them to heart. One can process them at a pure intellectual level and provide the appearance of listening but the words never make it to the 'listening' box, where the words matter to the listener; where the listener 'cares'. I think that would be a relevant dynamic to discuss further.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 It sounds simple, but if you want to make a woman swoon, LISTEN to her! The last woman who rejected me, I wished her a Happy Birthday. I remembered hers because it was close to mine, and she had no clue or memory of mine.
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