carhill Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 It sounds simple, but if you want to make a woman swoon, LISTEN to her! Sounds nice but after a lifetime of being that man, not really. I enjoyed another example of that dynamic on the plane ride home last night. Women are attracted to men they *want* to listen to them but whom keep that nirvana just out of their reach. By 'attracted', I mean sexually/romantically over the long term; I'm not talking about the 'honeymoon' period. I see this universally with both married and single, meaning unmarried, women, though the dynamics present themselves most markedly with married women since there is a track record of years to decades of the behaviors on both sides to observe. Why men don't listen? One, because, sincerely, many don't really care. Two, that works. Men are pragmatic. They do what works. Watch the most successful men, both in the world and with women, for examples. They abound. The 'listening' is a gift provided only upon occasion and such occasion is rarely consistent and generally a means to an end. Those have been my life observations so far as an observer of people in public and as an intimate friend and confidant in private.
2.50 a gallon Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Most of the population does not get it. Over all women are much more into verbally communicating. In general their vocabulary is several thousand words larger than a normal man's. Sometimes as large as a quarter more. In short, women like to talk, it is in their DNA One of my secrets to success was learning to listen to women. If you carefully listen, she will tell you how to seduce her. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 If men only realized that women know best about what women really want. Unfortunately, they think we care more about how big their dick is and how much they can bench press 3
carhill Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Women want a man whom they find attractive to listen to them. *Want* is the operative word. The listening part itself has nothing to do with attraction, in my life experience. It's the cart after the horse of attraction.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 If men only realized that women know best about what women really want. And this is demonstrated over and over again here on LoveShack. We can't even count the number of threads where some fellow (frequently a teenager or very young man who has zero experience with any women besides possibly his mom) holding forth about the "facts" of femaleness. One of the oft repeated "facts" is to NEVER listen to what a woman has to say, especially when it's regarding what she or what women in general like. Um … is there any wonder that most of these individuals are "forever alone"? 2
Nightsky Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 If men only realized that women know best about what women really want. Unfortunately, they think we care more about how big their dick is and how much they can bench press Hahaha oh honey believe you me you see this wonderful world full of things women want from jewlery, cars, nice homes, clothing etc etc. MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If only bitter girls like you realized just how wrong you've understood everything... If only.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Hahaha oh honey believe you me you see this wonderful world full of things women want from jewlery, cars, nice homes, clothing etc etc. MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If only bitter girls like you realized just how wrong you've understood everything... If only. Listen, son … maybe someday, when you have real life experience with women, people will want to hear what you have to say. I would be willing to bet that ES is in a much better position to provide herself with the material things she would like to have than you will ever be able to provide for yourself - never mind for another person or a family. What's your career, exactly? 2
Nightsky Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Listen, son … maybe someday, when you have real life experience with women, people will want to hear what you have to say. I would be willing to bet that ES is in a much better position to provide herself with the material things she would like to have than you will ever be able to provide for yourself - never mind for another person or a family. What's your career, exactly? I was claiming these things were literally created by men. No she's in no position to create any of these things not even the jewelry which comes from gold mined for by men. Also the fact that you some how assume she is in some great position dating wise compared to me is quite the assumption. I would also have to disagree knowing what I know.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I was claiming these things were literally created by men. No she's in no position to create any of these things not even the jewelry which comes from gold mined for by men. Please consider abandoning the above ridiculous "logic" in your diatribes if you'd like to avoid being considered lame. Yes, men invented cars and mined for gold. Nobody's arguing about that. But if you and the little posse of identical clones around here keep bringing that up, then I guess we'll have to point out that no people would even exist if women weren't here to bear them. Which would be just as lame and out of place to bring into a rational conversation as your old "manosphere" saw about inventors and gold miners, so I would never.
xxoo Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Women want a man whom they find attractive to listen to them. *Want* is the operative word. The listening part itself has nothing to do with attraction, in my life experience. It's the cart after the horse of attraction. It adds to charm. It contributes to attraction. But no, it isn't enough all by itself to generate attraction. In my LTR, I experience a surge of attraction when my partner demonstrates that he really "gets" me. That could be after working through a disagreement, and coming to a genuine understanding, or receiving the perfect gift, or overhearing him speak about me in a certain way. It definitely affects my sexual attraction to him. The opposite can be true as well.
Treasa Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I just had a lightbulb moment, I now know why I do so well in dating. I routinely hear how did you remember that, or I don't remember talking about that. Meanwhile, men lament that I remember everything they say. 1
PJKino Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Women want a man whom they find attractive to listen to them. *Want* is the operative word. The listening part itself has nothing to do with attraction, in my life experience. It's the cart after the horse of attraction. Agreed..without sexual attraction doing that will just get you friendzoned by women and used as an emotional tampon
Keenly Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 If he really is into you, he will listen. The not listening occurs because a lot of women nowadays will launch off into a story that has no real point or meaning or relevance behind it. This story will remind them of another story, and then 5 stories later, I am sitting there thinking "Do I ever get a chance to talk?"
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I laughed rather heartily. Be honest now, did you manage to type that with a straight face? This is exactly what I mean. And yes, I sincerely meant every word of that post. 2
movingon12 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 One of the things that first stood out to me with my husband is that he listens and remembers things that I say. I literally never have to remind him of anything. He just remembers. The weird thing is one of the first things my mum said about him when she first met him was that 'he really listens'. So yes, listening to (and remembering) what your girlfriend says will definitely get you major brownie points. 1
carhill Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 How does a woman describe a man who's a great listener whom she's not attracted to? I've heard some wonderful adjectives over the decades but am always interested in learning more. This dynamic turns upon the same 'cause' precept as was hotly discussed in another thread, here that a man who is a great listener and 'cares' does not 'cause' a woman to feel attraction any more than a man who does not care and does not listen 'causes' a woman to feel attraction. She feels what she feels and the man's words and/or actions *can* augment or dissolve those feelings. In the case of the OP, she's attracted and wants her man to listen to her and he does and this augments her attraction. The attraction is/was already there, completely separate from his interest in her and ability/desiree to listen. If there were no attraction, he'd still be the same man, except perceived as the wonderful brother or loving friend whom she'd never split the sheets with nor care about in any substantive way. Think about that. 'Think' is the operative word. Processing the psychology of interaction is a logical process, not an emotional one. Emotions are wonderful parts of being human. Analyzing interpersonal relationships qualifies and quantifies emotion in logical and cognitive processes. That's what goes on in therapy. Processing. It would be interesting and eye-opening to read how many men relevant to this forum, as partners/spouses of members or members themselves, have availed themselves of psychological help to process and learn the 'whys' of life in new and/or healthier ways. I'll bet the answer is few if any and the reason is 'I/they don't need that'. I'll bet that's attractive, that these men have it all figured out and are in such control of themselves. Why? Interesting. I think I will ask 'why' to the next married woman who spills herself into my lap; 'why do you continue to be with a man who doesn't apparently listen to you, service him, defend his behaviors, etc, etc'. I haven't yet asked that question directly but usually get opportunities weekly and will be interested to hear and process the response and compare words to actions. Life's about learning.
CptSaveAho Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 One of the things that first stood out to me with my husband is that he listens and remembers things that I say. I literally never have to remind him of anything. He just remembers. The weird thing is one of the first things my mum said about him when she first met him was that 'he really listens'. So yes, listening to (and remembering) what your girlfriend says will definitely get you major brownie points. Yup but it doesnt keep them... this post is proof of this concept as well carhill's 2nd post was right on the money
CptSaveAho Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I think I will ask 'why' to the next married woman who spills herself into my lap; 'why do you continue to be with a man who doesn't apparently listen to you, service him, defend his behaviors, etc, etc'. I haven't yet asked that question directly but usually get opportunities weekly and will be interested to hear and process the response and compare words to actions. Life's about learning. Cat string theory... wave a string in front of a cat Cat plays with string, pokes at it constantly, when you wave it in front of them and play with them What happens when you let go of the string and just give it to the cat, it quits playing with it because its no longer a challenge and then looks for the next toy to play with
Woggle Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I think everybody likes to be heard and listened to especially by somebody they are in a romantic relationship with. 6
xxoo Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 How does a woman describe a man who's a great listener whom she's not attracted to? I've heard some wonderful adjectives over the decades but am always interested in learning more. This dynamic turns upon the same 'cause' precept as was hotly discussed in another thread, here that a man who is a great listener and 'cares' does not 'cause' a woman to feel attraction any more than a man who does not care and does not listen 'causes' a woman to feel attraction. She feels what she feels and the man's words and/or actions *can* augment or dissolve those feelings. In the case of the OP, she's attracted and wants her man to listen to her and he does and this augments her attraction. The attraction is/was already there, completely separate from his interest in her and ability/desiree to listen. If there were no attraction, he'd still be the same man, except perceived as the wonderful brother or loving friend whom she'd never split the sheets with nor care about in any substantive way. Think about that. 'Think' is the operative word. Processing the psychology of interaction is a logical process, not an emotional one. Emotions are wonderful parts of being human. Analyzing interpersonal relationships qualifies and quantifies emotion in logical and cognitive processes. That's what goes on in therapy. Processing. It would be interesting and eye-opening to read how many men relevant to this forum, as partners/spouses of members or members themselves, have availed themselves of psychological help to process and learn the 'whys' of life in new and/or healthier ways. I'll bet the answer is few if any and the reason is 'I/they don't need that'. I'll bet that's attractive, that these men have it all figured out and are in such control of themselves. Why? Interesting. I think I will ask 'why' to the next married woman who spills herself into my lap; 'why do you continue to be with a man who doesn't apparently listen to you, service him, defend his behaviors, etc, etc'. I haven't yet asked that question directly but usually get opportunities weekly and will be interested to hear and process the response and compare words to actions. Life's about learning. The man I'm talking about who turns me on by listening is my husband. Wouldn't men want to augment attraction? 1
Nightsky Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Please consider abandoning the above ridiculous "logic" in your diatribes if you'd like to avoid being considered lame. Yes, men invented cars and mined for gold. Nobody's arguing about that. But if you and the little posse of identical clones around here keep bringing that up, then I guess we'll have to point out that no people would even exist if women weren't here to bear them. Which would be just as lame and out of place to bring into a rational conversation as your old "manosphere" saw about inventors and gold miners, so I would never. I don't care if you consider me lame. I'd find myself lame if I took any of your non advice. Also don't tell people wouldn't exist with out women. I was under know assumption that if I planted my seed a little flower with a baby inside of it would grow. I understand it takes two to tango. Old "manosphere" logic as you childishly call it is still alive and well today and runs world as you know it. Try not to let feminist anti logic go to your head.
Els Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 How does a woman describe a man who's a great listener whom she's not attracted to? For me, him being a great listener adds to my attraction towards a man, but is certainly not a substitute when zero attraction is present to begin with. So a man who's a great listener whom I'm not attracted to is just... a good friend. If he were a bad listener he would still not be a boyfriend, just a crappy friend. ie, like most nice/sweet actions, they don't guarantee anyone a partner but they will help, and doing the inverse does not. 1
Author iris219 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Women want a man whom they find attractive to listen to them. *Want* is the operative word. The listening part itself has nothing to do with attraction, in my life experience. It's the cart after the horse of attraction. In the case of the OP, she's attracted and wants her man to listen to her and he does and this augments her attraction. The attraction is/was already there, completely separate from his interest in her and ability/desiree to listen. Carhill, that wasn't really my experience. I have known the man in the OP in a professional capacity for a couple of years. I was never attracted to him. When he asked me out, I thought, "Meh, he seems harmless, so why not. Maybe I'll make a new friend." It was his personality traits, especially the fact that he listened and seemed in interested in my life, that made me attracted to him. 2
RR1 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I do think it's vital for someone to take an interest in what their partner is saying, you can tell when someone is actually interested in what you are saying and if your partner is never interested in what you have to say it's a pretty bad sign. Of course everyone leads busy lives and it's normal for our loved ones to be otherwise preoccupied with things sometimes, but if you have one of those people that never remembers anything and never shows any interest in what is happening in your life then definitely consider your options carefully. I used to like to ask my ex-g/f stuff because i was genuinely interested in her, plus she was really capable and did lots of things, work, studying, general acquisation of all knowledge really. She was fascinating because she just absorbed knowledge like a sponge so i used to enjoy talking to her because she was really interesting and that made me interested in her. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I was trying to figure out why I like the guy I’ve gone out with a few times so much. One of the reasons is because he listens to me and is genuinely interested in what I have to say. Is this the separated guy you made the thread about the other day? If so, I'm not surprised he's being such a good listener. I don't mean to burst your happy bubble, but like I said before, he's desperate for a lifeboat. Men aren't dumb. They know what works on women to get them what they want. He wants you to like him and have sex with him - so the charm is on full blast right now.
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