Calpis1 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 My first love of almost 6 years told me today that he will go party today with his single friend and in the country he lives in bars and clubs are just for finding new girl or boyfriends and for one night stand. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. I feel so devastated. We were planning his trip to my country and for some reason he kept posting off buying the ticket. Now i see why:he also had plans to find another chick on new year;( I can't believe it. I just lay on my bed and cry. I can't do anything. Then when i said to him that why he didn't tell this to me earlier he said "tired" and ignored everything I asked. I had lots of plans for his trip here. Just yesterday he was like I love you etc...he must have been dragging me along for fun or something;_; How does one move on from their first love?;_;we have been through a lot but I always thought we could survive anything...now all our beautiful memories just fade away or something. Now he is out partying while I just want to lay down and cry;_; How did you get over someone you really loved?i am 21 and I have never been with other boys. I feel like I will never find anyone so important. I want to die;_;
FailedFirstLove Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I'm in the exact same boat... Only it was 3 weeks ago. Still don't know why. And I know they say that at 21 we have our whole loves and what not. But he was the first love and we've been together for 4 years. I miss every moment with him... Like now. New Years. His probably out enjoying it while I'm crying my eyes out. It's not getting any easier. Times of weakness is the worst
th90 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 My first love of almost 6 years told me today that he will go party today with his single friend and in the country he lives in bars and clubs are just for finding new girl or boyfriends and for one night stand. He doesn't want to be with me anymore. I feel so devastated. We were planning his trip to my country and for some reason he kept posting off buying the ticket. Now i see why:he also had plans to find another chick on new year;( I can't believe it. I just lay on my bed and cry. I can't do anything. Then when i said to him that why he didn't tell this to me earlier he said "tired" and ignored everything I asked. I had lots of plans for his trip here. Just yesterday he was like I love you etc...he must have been dragging me along for fun or something;_; How does one move on from their first love?;_;we have been through a lot but I always thought we could survive anything...now all our beautiful memories just fade away or something. Now he is out partying while I just want to lay down and cry;_; How did you get over someone you really loved?i am 21 and I have never been with other boys. I feel like I will never find anyone so important. I want to die;_; Learn to let go. Leave him be. I don't think anything we say now will make any sense to you. It's day 1 of your BU and I remember mine being the worst day of my life. It will take days or even weeks before you can accept that it's over. But the sooner, the better. I hope you don't take too long as it only prolongs the pain. I believe your ex has already checked out of the relationship for some time. Otherwise, he'd be very happy to make plans with you for the New Year. It must have been on his mind for awhile to break up with you, maybe all he was lacking is just the gut to actually say it to you. So please, accept that it's over. I haven't moved on from my ex (of 7 years) to be honest. I'm not hurting that much anymore. Most of my days are happy ones. What I learned to do is to let him go. With the realization that it is actually better to be able to let someone you love go (than longing for them back because they (once) belong to us), it makes things so much easier for me to let go. The key here is to understand WHY we have to let go. I let my ex go because I couldn't have expressed my love for him in any better way/form. It's part of being compassionate towards him. And also we are hurt because we are self-centered. We demand/want/expect them to be with us. Truth is, if we love a person deeply and truly, we don't have to be with them. Let me change the scenario for you. Say, your loved one is going to die, he's holding onto his last breath waiting for you to say your goodbye, are you going to keep telling him "Stay with me, pleasee I can't live without you blablabla" thus making him unable to leave with peace and continue to suffer even on his very last breath OR are you gonna say "It's ok, you may leave with peace. I promise you I'll take care of myself"? If you choose the latter, does that mean you don't love him? No. Secondly, by letting him go, you're liberating your very own soul and mind. With time, you'll understand why I say this. In life, there will be times when you need to let things go no matter how difficult it's gonna be. This is just one of those life lessons. Be grateful that he was once part of your life, now it's time to let him go and move on with your life.
Author Calpis1 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Thank you for the replies. I know that you're saying is true but...I am so angry at him!i tried calling him and he had turned off his phone;_; while I miss him and can't accept that it's over he is like yeah whatever lets party. It's so unfair . I know it's childish but I just want to see him hurt or I want him to have pain with his new girlfriend... It's so out of the blue you know. He was all lovey dovey and then this. He has a lot of issues like being narcissistic and his family too warned me about him but I cling on to him like for dear life...so you suggest nc?i have talked with him since I was 15. How someone so important just leaves and has a new one?;( I can't get my head around it at all...
NoMoreJerks Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I feel so devastated. We were planning his trip to my country and for some reason he kept posting off buying the ticket. Now i see why:he also had plans to find another chick on new year;( Take heart in knowing that others are in the same boat. It's not much consolation but it's something. My ex and I were planning his trip to my country too, and he kept putting off buying the plane ticket, coming up with different excuses each time, until about a week before the day that he wanted to come see me (24th), and then claimed ticket prices had skyrocketed, so he couldn't come. The thing is, though, I don't think he ever intended to come visit me. It was just something he had suggested when he was lonely and depressed, away from home on a job in a very conservative country where he couldn't meet other women, and then regretted but saw no way out of it but to come up with such excuses then claim the ticket was too expensive. Then, a few days after that, he dumped me (2 days before Christmas). I don't know if he had other plans to find another girl, or if he had wanted to get back together with an ex, or if he just didn't like me anymore. But whatever the case, the fact remains that he dumped me at the worst time of the year, and was so mean to me, and hasn't contacted me since then. Yes, it's devastating, but I'm taking it one day at a time, and hoping that once the holidays are out of the way I will feel better. Or maybe not. Just the thought that we would've been together now makes me depressed.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Learn to let go. Leave him be. I don't think anything we say now will make any sense to you. It's day 1 of your BU and I remember mine being the worst day of my life. It will take days or even weeks before you can accept that it's over. But the sooner, the better. I hope you don't take too long as it only prolongs the pain. I believe your ex has already checked out of the relationship for some time. Otherwise, he'd be very happy to make plans with you for the New Year. It must have been on his mind for awhile to break up with you, maybe all he was lacking is just the gut to actually say it to you. So please, accept that it's over. I haven't moved on from my ex (of 7 years) to be honest. I'm not hurting that much anymore. Most of my days are happy ones. What I learned to do is to let him go. With the realization that it is actually better to be able to let someone you love go (than longing for them back because they (once) belong to us), it makes things so much easier for me to let go. The key here is to understand WHY we have to let go. I let my ex go because I couldn't have expressed my love for him in any better way/form. It's part of being compassionate towards him. And also we are hurt because we are self-centered. We demand/want/expect them to be with us. Truth is, if we love a person deeply and truly, we don't have to be with them. Let me change the scenario for you. Say, your loved one is going to die, he's holding onto his last breath waiting for you to say your goodbye, are you going to keep telling him "Stay with me, pleasee I can't live without you blablabla" thus making him unable to leave with peace and continue to suffer even on his very last breath OR are you gonna say "It's ok, you may leave with peace. I promise you I'll take care of myself"? If you choose the latter, does that mean you don't love him? No. Secondly, by letting him go, you're liberating your very own soul and mind. With time, you'll understand why I say this. In life, there will be times when you need to let things go no matter how difficult it's gonna be. This is just one of those life lessons. Be grateful that he was once part of your life, now it's time to let him go and move on with your life. Your post made me cry. I'm crying while I write this. You're right about letting go of the ones we love. I realized this when my bf dumped me. I knew that I couldn't beg him to take me back, even if that may have worked to keep us together a bit longer. I accepted it and told him that I love him and that I'd have to let go of him because I love him. I don't think he knew how to be loved, and maybe my words fell on deaf ears, but it doesn't matter, I guess. I don't want to be miserable because I'm with someone I love but who doesn't love me, and I don't want to make him miserable because I won't let go of him. It's a shame he didn't reciprocate my feelings for him, and I can't bear the thought that he will give that love to someone who will love him less than I do, but that's life, I guess.
th90 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Thank you for the replies. I know that you're saying is true but...I am so angry at him!i tried calling him and he had turned off his phone;_; while I miss him and can't accept that it's over he is like yeah whatever lets party. It's so unfair . I know it's childish but I just want to see him hurt or I want him to have pain with his new girlfriend... It's so out of the blue you know. He was all lovey dovey and then this. He has a lot of issues like being narcissistic and his family too warned me about him but I cling on to him like for dear life...so you suggest nc?i have talked with him since I was 15. How someone so important just leaves and has a new one?;( I can't get my head around it at all... It reflects on our own self-centered nature when we demand things to be the way we want them to be. I know it's only natural to be angry. In fact, I woke up this morning and again gave into temptation to look at my ex's facebook and saw his partying pics celebrating new year with lots of girls. It hurt me so much and for a few minutes, I was suffocating. Why was I so stupid to let his doings hurt me again? It really has nothing to do with me anymore. I should be happy for him that he's actually enjoying his life and just let him be. Come one day, he'll realize what he's lost. If that day never comes, good. It only means we were never meant to be. Of course it's gonna be hard to do NC. Trust me. We were together for 7 years. Not a day went by without us talking to each other. Even our fights didn't last for more than a day, except for some major ones. He was the only person I could talk to and tell everything to. When he dumped me, I had no one to turn to. Of course my mum has always been there for me. But there's just nobody that I can actually tell my problems to and feel that they are really concerned about me. They just listened and said "okay, forget about him, he's not worth it" and that's about all that I got. The real friends I thought they were, were never there. It's gonna be super hard at the beginning. Just go NC and count the days. Reward yourself when you reach 1 week of NC. Then reward yourself again when you reach 2 weeks. Do something nice for yourself. I thought I couldn't live without my ex either. But time has proven me wrong. Life didn't stop because he left me, it goes on and on. Your post made me cry. I'm crying while I write this. You're right about letting go of the ones we love. I realized this when my bf dumped me. I knew that I couldn't beg him to take me back, even if that may have worked to keep us together a bit longer. I accepted it and told him that I love him and that I'd have to let go of him because I love him. I don't think he knew how to be loved, and maybe my words fell on deaf ears, but it doesn't matter, I guess. I don't want to be miserable because I'm with someone I love but who doesn't love me, and I don't want to make him miserable because I won't let go of him. It's a shame he didn't reciprocate my feelings for him, and I can't bear the thought that he will give that love to someone who will love him less than I do, but that's life, I guess. Aww.. It's so heart-wrenching to hear that. We just need to know that we love them MORE THAN ENOUGH to be able to let them go. It's really okay they don't understand this concept. They don't even know what exactly we are going through. But believe me, there will come a point in their lives that they have to learn to let go as well. Maybe then, they'll understand what we're going through right now. Remember this. If we really love someone, we must let them go. If they come back, they have always been ours. If they don't, they were never meant to be.
cavalier99 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) They AREN'T coming back I sure hope not because I'm NOT EVER going thru this crap again.... at least with her! Edited January 1, 2013 by cavalier99
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