Caldespair Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I know this can vary by type of divorce, net worth and geography. Oh yea, it also depends on sbxw crazier lunacy. We will both be lawyerd up, she will prob contest everything. We reside in california. Any input from experience?
UpwardForward Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I know this can vary by type of divorce, net worth and geography. Oh yea, it also depends on sbxw crazier lunacy. We will both be lawyerd up, she will prob contest everything. We reside in california. Any input from experience? experience: If the two don't settle, the cost can be Great, and even put one in the grave.
jwi71 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I know this can vary by type of divorce, net worth and geography. Oh yea, it also depends on sbxw crazier lunacy. We will both be lawyerd up, she will prob contest everything. We reside in california. Any input from experience? If the outcome is the same, then settling is cheaper. However, since we cannot know the outcome, I would suggest picking your fights and leaning on settlement. This is perhaps one the only times in life where setting the bar low (for what you want) suits you better in the long run.
Balzac Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Focus on the cost of splitting the pie. Focus on tax consequences of several "plans", focus on your future ability to earn and pay out to her in some form of settlement as an option. Use this available time to think creatively about your buyout strategy. Your lawyer will thank you. During negotiations you then have a spreadsheet to follow like a roadmap. Often the obstacle is the lesser financially informed adversary needing their lawyer to bring them up to speed. You're a smart, successful guy, use that to your advantage. Soon enough you'll be able to identify what her financial fixation is. Often it's not what one expected.
standtall Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Length of marriage, kids, property, assets before marriage, assets acquired during the marriage, and does she have a job or not. All factors...it can be ugly, it can be simple. Your results may vary.
carhill Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 (edited) My lawyer gave me a round figure of 50K in legal costs for our situation and a contested divorce with real estate and businesses involved, plus any forensic accounting and hit to pre-marital/extra-marital assets in the process. I live in California. My exW was generally amicable so the monetary hit was substantial but the emotional and legal costs were mitigated through mediation. YMMV. Edited December 31, 2012 by carhill
Balzac Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 YMMV hah exactly! I'd say that figure is realistic. Money can be saved by using associates for research, reducing partner hourly rate!
CarrieT Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 My partner's divorce cost him his retirement savings (in excess of $2m) because he fought for 50% custody of his kids. Mine cost me about $25k, but we had a business. I found out later my husband bribed the moderator in my husband's favor and learned later that I was screwed out of $250k. Get a good lawyer and bite the bullet.
GuyInLimbo Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 And here I'm praying I can get away doing most of it w/o lawyers... No way either one of us could afford huge legal bills...
UpwardForward Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 And here I'm praying I can get away doing most of it w/o lawyers... No way either one of us could afford huge legal bills... Sit down and discuss an amicable settlement agreeable to both of you. Imo earliest is best. A consultation with an attorney should at least reveal how a judge would rule regarding division of community assets. Or ask the judge for mediation.
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Our court's self-help desk referred us to mediation. For disagreeable spouses, it probably won't work, but in our case it worked, was free and facilitated a speedy end to an otherwise frustrating period. I merely had my lawyer review the MSA and we filed it with the court and were 'dissolved' the next day. Never even saw a judge. Racked and stacked, Cali-style. 2
Kelemvor Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 It depends on your state, earning capacity, assets, standard of living, etc.. Mine was only 2 years, no kids, wife with 2 degrees and stable job, yet I still ended up paying over $50K but under $100K when you factor in legal fees for both parties (we both had very high priced lawyers). She was not amenable to mediation and sought out an expensive law firm to contest/extort which is primarily what ran up the tab on both our parts. It hurt, but it could have been worse. When the court didn't award her much on monthly payments, only then was she amenable to mediation which is where the settlement was drafted. Divorce court and the logic involved with distribution of assets and awarding of alimonies make absolutely no sense to me after coming out of one.
GuyInLimbo Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Sit down and discuss an amicable settlement agreeable to both of you. Imo earliest is best. A consultation with an attorney should at least reveal how a judge would rule regarding division of community assets. Or ask the judge for mediation. Well, my "plan" is that she keeps the house, etc., we have joint legal/physical custody of the kids and I'll walk away with my instruments, computer and clothes, really. I'm even willing to empty my 401k to help pay the mortgage for a few years so the kids have a stable place. I'm not out to fleece her. Of course, this is MY plan. Who knows how she's gonna react. My hope is we can settle everything ourselves before the court needs to get involved.
Radu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 You might be better off with keeping part of the house or to ask for money for your share of the house. Either way, to have something to use a bargaining chip should she attempt to do some parental alienation on you. If she plays nice, you play nice ... but otherwise 'prepare for the worst, hope for the best'. PS: Sounds like divorce lawyers make a bundle.
carhill Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Given how much time can pile up in a contested divorce, I thought my lawyer's reasonable estimate of ~150 hours or so was fair. I've seen divorces go on for four or five years when children were involved and/or businesses were at stake. Is 5-10% of net worth a fair cost of preserving 20-50% of net worth and/or one's earning power? Each person makes their own decisions. None are easy, to be sure.
Dreamless Sleep Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I was going to start a new thread to rant. I'll just pile on here. My STBXW visited her lawyer today. They plan on stalling out the divorce to maximize her financial benefit. I won't say what the settlement is likely to be. But I'm expecting almost 100k in fees. Carry on
Kelemvor Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 I was going to start a new thread to rant. I'll just pile on here. My STBXW visited her lawyer today. They plan on stalling out the divorce to maximize her financial benefit. I won't say what the settlement is likely to be. But I'm expecting almost 100k in fees. Carry on DS, hang in there and make sure you have a good lawyer. My first gave me terrible advice until I found my second. My ex-wife did the same... Stalled and took me to court for "separation alimony" with the intention of waiting it out and extorting me until I left the state, established residency in another and forced the divorce there (my current state requires 2 signatures). I had to expend an enormous amount of energy on tactics to bring her to the mediation table.
bananagal Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 We are using one lawyer who specializes in "collaborative divorce". We are doing our own settlement based on a packet of paperwork she gave us. We have no businesses or debt or other complications, only kids, a house and retirement accounts to divide. Hoping to pay around $2500 but we are in agreement about most stuff. Can't imagine the legal bills you guys are talking about!! Ugh.
Kelemvor Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 We are using one lawyer who specializes in "collaborative divorce". We are doing our own settlement based on a packet of paperwork she gave us. We have no businesses or debt or other complications, only kids, a house and retirement accounts to divide. Hoping to pay around $2500 but we are in agreement about most stuff. Can't imagine the legal bills you guys are talking about!! Ugh. Yea, tell me about it. The difference is that you've got a "cooperative" spouse. Don't do anything to piss her off until those papers are signed. Honestly, I also found it's a LOT cheaper and easier to facilitate one in states that are true "no fault". If it's not a true no fault state, then you essentially have to buy your freedom and the other person can make the process even more costly and painful through needless litigation.
Balzac Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Some people prefer the scorched earth method. They'd prefer to set fire to the money [legal fees] than to see their opponent enjoy a single greenback. The larger the flame, the longer the burn the greater the pleasure. 1
Dreamless Sleep Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 We are using one lawyer who specializes in "collaborative divorce". We are doing our own settlement based on a packet of paperwork she gave us. We have no businesses or debt or other complications, only kids, a house and retirement accounts to divide. Hoping to pay around $2500 but we are in agreement about most stuff. Can't imagine the legal bills you guys are talking about!! Ugh. No ****. I can't imagine it too. I thought we could sit down with our assets and income in front of us and sort it out. She just freaks out and storms out before we even begin to just lay it out. She's taken on a martyr roll. Even taking extraordinary license with rehashing our marital history. I'm not being facetious when I say I think she may have a personality disorder.
Tiberius Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 No ****. I can't imagine it too. I thought we could sit down with our assets and income in front of us and sort it out. She just freaks out and storms out before we even begin to just lay it out. She's taken on a martyr roll. Even taking extraordinary license with rehashing our marital history. I'm not being facetious when I say I think she may have a personality disorder. She wants you to beg not to divorce her, she does not want you to lay it all out so you can avoid lawyer fees.
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