Cataluna Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Hello there and I wish to all of you a happy new year, I am in a relationship for 6 years and I have to admit that I am happy. My bf always tells me that he doesn't like these girls that have big boobs and are THAT impressive, like famous women (actors, singers etc). Before 3 years, I have discovered from his social accounts (I know that this wasn't very kind of me, but I wanted to check if everything is ok) that he likes all these impressive famous girls, such as porn stars, singers etc. Furthermore, he shared their pictures and videos to his friends. I couldn't stand it. We had a huge fight for that, because when I told him what I have found, he told me that it was his privilege and it was not my business. After that, I expected that he understood my feelings. Before a couple of days, I found again these pictures of a famous woman who always he used to tell me that she is "stupid" etc. I haven't told him anything, but is it that hard to understand my feelings? Furthermore, if he lies for these things, what do I have to expect in the future? I am waiting for your advice. Kind regards.
movingon12 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 What exactly do you have a problem with - the fact that he finds other women attractive? That's just how people are. No one is only attracted to their partner. If the only way you knew he liked these famous women was by snooping in his private accounts - rather than him ogling them in front of you, I don't think he's doing anything wrong. I don't know how old he is, and yes I think it's a bit childish to be swopping photos of girls with his friends, but I don't think there's any real harm in it. Also - you said he's lying. What's he lying about? The fact that he said she was stupid? A person can be stupid AND attractive. And maybe he's trying to make you feel better by insulting her to you. If the problem is you're comparing yourself to what he likes and feel insecure, then you either need to talk to him about it or accept it. Clearly he's attracted to you if he's been with you for 6 years.
Author Cataluna Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Thank you for your direct answer, he is lying, because he keeps telling me that he doesn't like these specific types of women (light eyes, blond girls etc) and when I told him what I have found out, he didn't know what to respond. When I told him once that I liked a specific male star, he always mocked me. I prefer from him to be honest, even to these stupid things, rathen than lying to me. We have a long distance relationship. How I am supposed to know what he thinks for other girls, non stars? Furthermore, he always used to tell me that he doesn't believe that a friendship between a man and a woman can exist, even though he has many female friends. How can I know that he doesn't think other stuff for them, if he lies for not liking female stars?
movingon12 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 (edited) Either a) he's saying these things because he's trying to make you feel better. You've made it clear to him that you're paranoid about him liking these types of women, so he's telling you what you want to hear: because if he told you the truth, you'd be upset. I know what kind of women my husband likes (Jennifer Aniston!) and if I tease him about it now, he'll say that he doesn't like her anymore. Which I know isn't true, but he's being respectful to me and our relationship. Is he lying? Technically, but what is to be gained by making him admit to it? or b) he lies to you about a lot of things and you can't trust him. The fact that you felt you need to go snooping in his private accounts is not a great sign about your level of trust with him. If you don't trust him, then you need to break up. But if the only thing you don't trust him about is the fact that he won't admit to you which famous women he finds attractive, personally I don't think that's a deal breaker. If you're concerned about his friendship with other girls you need to think if you have any real reason to think he's being unfaithful to you. Edited December 31, 2012 by movingon12 1
Taramere Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Thank you for your direct answer, he is lying, because he keeps telling me that he doesn't like these specific types of women (light eyes, blond girls etc) Have you given him messages that this is what you want to hear? For instance, may be have heard you criticise women who look like that/men who are attracted to them? I just wonder what reason there might be for him repeatedly telling you that he doesn't like a particular type of woman.
Author Cataluna Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 @Taramere When I used to tell him that a specific woman (star or not) is a good looking one (without being jealous for her), he ALWAYS used to tell me that she is not beautiful. That's why now it makes me nuts. Before a couple of days, he told me that if I say something mean for a woman, it means that she has something that I don't have. I haven't told him something like that.
Author Cataluna Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 @Movingon12 thank you for your mature answers. I really appreciate that.
movingon12 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 @Taramere When I used to tell him that a specific woman (star or not) is a good looking one (without being jealous for her), he ALWAYS used to tell me that she is not beautiful. That's why now it makes me nuts. I think that's just a guy thing to do. He's worried you're testing him: you: look at her, isn't she beautiful? him: yeah, she's quite cute I suppose. you: AH HA! You admit it! You like her more than me! You think she's more beautiful than me! him: erm, what?? It's just easier to deny liking anyone, rather than risk causing offence. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, even if it's not completely honest. Before a couple of days, he told me that if I say something mean for a woman, it means that she has something that I don't have. I haven't told him something like that. Can I ask - how often do you 2 have conversations about this kind of thing? I'm just wondering whether he's starting to get fed up with you frequently talking about other women to gauge his response.
Author Cataluna Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 @movingon 12 Actually you read my mind! We had this kind of conversation once. I feel kinda bad now for my behavior! :$ We have these conversations rarely.
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