Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 So I was disappointed since I went through the trouble of getting one. Stressful considering I have 3 birthdays in December all before Christmas (ever heard of family planning mum?). My boyfriend says his parents have gotten me a present, while overseas. Is this acceptable? He recently graduated and has only started working a new job. Ive been in a similar situation with my ex. Where The jerk "didn't know" that he was supposed to get me something on valentines day. Yet expected sex that day. And wondered why I was pissed off. Then turned it all around on me and blamed me for everything. I wish I had dumped my ex then. Instead of being cruelly dumped months later.
movingon12 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Unless you'd only been dating a few weeks, I don't think it's acceptable that he didn't get you anything (even just a token gift). What his parents bought you is irrelevant - you're not dating his parents. So, yes I would be annoyed in your situation. In terms of what happens next, I guess you explain to him (calmly) that you're disappointed that he didn't get you anything as it made you feel unimportant and see what happens next.
KungFuJoe Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I bought my gf a 300 dollar necklace for Xmas 4 days after we made it "official" on the 21st. And I was making 38k a year at that time. What loser doesn't get his partner a gift on Xmas? 3
Author Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I bought my gf a 300 dollar necklace for Xmas 4 days after we made it "official" on the 21st. And I was making 38k a year at that time. What loser doesn't get his partner a gift on Xmas? Although he did get me a necklace The same price a couple of months ago. Also for similar reasons.
somedude81 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 A $300 necklace?! What did the guy get in return? IMO, I hate the Christmas gift exchange. I buy you something for 50. You buy me something for 50. I might as well have just bought it for myself.
CptSaveAho Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 LOL.... comparing your current boyfriend the the guy that dumped you 2 years ago and you still have feelings for I wouldn't have bought you anything either
TheZebra Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 A $300 necklace?! What did the guy get in return? IMO, I hate the Christmas gift exchange. I buy you something for 50. You buy me something for 50. I might as well have just bought it for myself. That type of gift exchange (exact money for exact money) is only reserved for people who are not in your closest circle. When you have a true loved one, the money doesn't matter. With my close circle, I don't look at how much either party spent. There were times my ex would buy me a $500 piece of jewelry and I spent a total of $10 on his gift (like the time I made a stuffed animal of his favorite video game character). Then there were times I spent $500 on his gift (a watch) and he spent $10 on mine (an obscure DVD that took him weeks to find). When you love someone, it's the thought on the gift, not how much you spent. To this day I dunno who spent the most money, but I do know we gave each other kick-ass gifts every time. 6
somedude81 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 That type of gift exchange (exact money for exact money) is only reserved for people who are not in your closest circle. When you have a true loved one, the money doesn't matter. With my close circle, I don't look at how much either party spent. There were times my ex would buy me a $500 piece of jewelry and I spent a total of $10 on his gift (like the time I made a stuffed animal of his favorite video game character). Then there were times I spent $500 on his gift (a watch) and he spent $10 on mine (an obscure DVD that took him weeks to find). When you love someone, it's the thought on the gift, not how much you spent. To this day I dunno who spent the most money, but I do know we gave each other kick-ass gifts every time. Since I'm not working, I don't like the idea of really expensive gifts for either end. As you pointed out, there are other ways to give a thoughtful gift without spending a lot of money or doing the even exchange.
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I bought my gf a 300 dollar necklace for Xmas 4 days after we made it "official" on the 21st. And I was making 38k a year at that time. What loser doesn't get his partner a gift on Xmas? Holy crap you need to be my boyfriend
TheZebra Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Since I'm not working, I don't like the idea of really expensive gifts for either end. As you pointed out, there are other ways to give a thoughtful gift without spending a lot of money or doing the even exchange. Of course! I understand where you're coming from completely. When I was a broke college student I did a lot of really creative cheap gifts to show my ex I cared. Here's some examples (in case anyone wants to be a cheap romantic) 1) His favorite TV show is Simpsons. I broke out my acrylic paint and made a cartoon painting of what he would look like if he was a character in the show. 2) Like I mentioned in my past post, I learned some basic sewing and made him a plush of his favorite video game character. It was super obscure, so no merch existed. 3) I got an easy to assemble puzzle (like, 100 pieces) of his favorite animal and wrote a love letter on the back of it. Then I disassembled it and mailed it to him. He had to put it together to figure out what I wrote. 4) He loved baseball and loved hanging out with his friends. From time to time he always mentioned how cool it would be for everyone to get together and play. For one of his bdays I called up all his friends and had them meet us at a local baseball field with their gloves and bats for a game, as a surprise to him. I think this was his favorite. There's a TON of stuff you can do to show someone you care. I never understand the threads of people saying 'What should I get my bf/gf?'. If you give me 10 minutes talking to the guy/girl I can figure out something cool for them, yet you've been dating them for 6 months and don't know? Pfft, open your ears, and get some imagination! There's more gift options out there than watches and ties (For men) and shoes and jewelry (For women). 6
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Although I think you're right in being disappointed (crap, I've been on four dates with a guy and he got me some cute little gifts, which I totally didn't expect), I sense that there are probably some deeper issues here. The way you describe sex as a commodity given in exchange for a gift is very troubling. You said he bought you an expensive necklace months ago and something vague about "for similar reasons"...what were the reasons? 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 (edited) I bought my ex two dress shirts that together cost $130 (CK and Kenneth Cole) for his birthday, 3 months after we met. And I am a PhD student and live on a very tight budget. I think your bf is inconsiderate and rude, and to be honest, I think anyone who does not like giving presents to someone they're with, does not really care about that person.. Gift-giving is something I enjoy A LOT -- more than receiving presents. I'd take this as a red flag. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, though, if I were in this position. I'd just take a note of it in my head, and observe his behaviour on the next occasion. I don't know about expecting stuff on Valentine's day, but I'd be giving/expecting a present (however small/cheap) on birthdays and Christmas. That's about it, though, and it's the thought that matters, not the price of the gift you get. I doubt that my ex would've bought me anything for my birthday or Christmas, though. He didn't even seem very appreciative of the fact that I bought him $130 presents for his birthday. Edited December 31, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Although I think you're right in being disappointed (crap, I've been on four dates with a guy and he got me some cute little gifts, which I totally didn't expect), I sense that there are probably some deeper issues here. The way you describe sex as a commodity given in exchange for a gift is very troubling. You said he bought you an expensive necklace months ago and something vague about "for similar reasons"...what were the reasons? He got me the necklace for being exclusive, not Christmas.
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 LOL.... comparing your current boyfriend the the guy that dumped you 2 years ago and you still have feelings for I wouldn't have bought you anything either I don't know or care what my ex is doing. No doubt being a man whore. I'm glad everyday that I'm not with that coward. A real man doesn't dump you by text after a year with no explanation. I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.
ooglesnboogles Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Of course! I understand where you're coming from completely. When I was a broke college student I did a lot of really creative cheap gifts to show my ex I cared. Here's some examples (in case anyone wants to be a cheap romantic) 1) His favorite TV show is Simpsons. I broke out my acrylic paint and made a cartoon painting of what he would look like if he was a character in the show. 2) Like I mentioned in my past post, I learned some basic sewing and made him a plush of his favorite video game character. It was super obscure, so no merch existed. 3) I got an easy to assemble puzzle (like, 100 pieces) of his favorite animal and wrote a love letter on the back of it. Then I disassembled it and mailed it to him. He had to put it together to figure out what I wrote. 4) He loved baseball and loved hanging out with his friends. From time to time he always mentioned how cool it would be for everyone to get together and play. For one of his bdays I called up all his friends and had them meet us at a local baseball field with their gloves and bats for a game, as a surprise to him. I think this was his favorite. There's a TON of stuff you can do to show someone you care. I never understand the threads of people saying 'What should I get my bf/gf?'. If you give me 10 minutes talking to the guy/girl I can figure out something cool for them, yet you've been dating them for 6 months and don't know? Pfft, open your ears, and get some imagination! There's more gift options out there than watches and ties (For men) and shoes and jewelry (For women). Damn, you've got some superpower for finding/thinking up awesome gifts. Where do I find a girl who's like you? My sister and I usually trade gifts that are either inside jokes or obscure stuff pertaining to things we like. It's a lot more rewarding to give and to receive those kinds of gifts, and I think that's a lot more of what the purpose is. Although, I do like making lists of things I want and having other people give them to me
somedude81 Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 And yet you still remain single. Golly, it just boggles the mind. Did you see how Zebra responded to my post? That's class , yours was ass.
mortensorchid Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 I would be disappointed as well, and in fact that's a very bad sign. If the man doesn't buy at least a small token to their signifigant other for Christmas or VDay, then that means he's not very serious about you. He may say something like he "forgot" or blame money situation or that they "are not that into gift giving", or something like that, but he should be considerate enough to do something like that for you. Last Christmas, I gave my last serious bf a hoodie (we had been together for about three nearly four months), I got nada. Valentine's Day came a few weeks later, I got nada and I gave him something. St. Patrick's Day, he broke it off. Now he has a new gf (who he got a skant 6 months after he broke up with me), I'm 99% sure they are living together, and I'm sure she is supporting him in some way when I was not willing to (unless you count that pair of socks I bought him). Move on from him.
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Before people start jumping to conclusions, we both pay for things equally eg eating out etc. Even though my boyfriend now earns more than me.
TheZebra Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Damn, you've got some superpower for finding/thinking up awesome gifts. Where do I find a girl who's like you? I don't about where, but I know I'm not the only gal like this. The secret is finding a girl who loves you and listens to you. A creative spirit doesn't hurt either. I find that the more I care about the guy, the more time and effort I spend trying to do or find something he likes. Though I must say, my ex gave me a run for my money many times. For one V-Day, he wrote me a letter as if it was written by Comic Book Guy from Simpsons (my fave character), using his expressions and mannerisms, along with a little figure. Then for another V-Day, he recorded himself playing guitar + singing to our love song. Sometimes it felt like we were trying to outdo each other in who could give the coolest gifts
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 Thats what my ex did. Acted dumb and then dumped me for not being assertive enough and blamed me for it. He was a manipulative Ahole. I would be disappointed as well, and in fact that's a very bad sign. If the man doesn't buy at least a small token to their signifigant other for Christmas or VDay, then that means he's not very serious about you. He may say something like he "forgot" or blame money situation or that they "are not that into gift giving", or something like that, but he should be considerate enough to do something like that for you. Last Christmas, I gave my last serious bf a hoodie (we had been together for about three nearly four months), I got nada. Valentine's Day came a few weeks later, I got nada and I gave him something. St. Patrick's Day, he broke it off. Now he has a new gf (who he got a skant 6 months after he broke up with me), I'm 99% sure they are living together, and I'm sure she is supporting him in some way when I was not willing to (unless you count that pair of socks I bought him). Move on from him.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 (edited) ^^ This someone who isn't willing to give you even a token gift after dating for a while at Christmas has issues. It doesn't need to be expensive, but it has to show that they cared to think about it. For example. The young woman I met at school was willing to buy me ammunition for my pistol. (She lives in a state where it's dirt cheap compared to where I live). I called her off of doing that due to it being illegal for someone her age to buy pistol ammo, I checked after I asked. Still she was willing to spend something like $50 on me. Edited January 1, 2013 by Mrlonelyone
Author Sugarkane Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 I don't about where, but I know I'm not the only gal like this. The secret is finding a girl who loves you and listens to you. A creative spirit doesn't hurt either. I find that the more I care about the guy, the more time and effort I spend trying to do or find something he likes. Though I must say, my ex gave me a run for my money many times. For one V-Day, he wrote me a letter as if it was written by Comic Book Guy from Simpsons (my fave character), using his expressions and mannerisms, along with a little figure. Then for another V-Day, he recorded himself playing guitar + singing to our love song. Sometimes it felt like we were trying to outdo each other in who could give the coolest gifts I am jealous I've never had a guy do something like that before. I want to date these guys, not manipulative, taking everything for granted guys.
Eclypse Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Did you guys communicate about gift giving before Xmas? I wasn't sure what to get my gf and didn't want to waste money and in the end we both agreed to not get anything. We already show each other love every day. Don't need gifts.
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