How do you deal with the confusion of nt knowing why they broke up?

[FailedFirstLove]

My breakup happened pretty much out of the blue. There wasnt any real firm reason to say why... I know he probably just mumbled some random excuses just to get out. How do you deal with that? I constantly think of possible reasons and what could have made him this way. It's do hard to move on not knowing

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

My breakup happened pretty much out of the blue. There wasnt any real firm reason to say why... I know he probably just mumbled some random excuses just to get out. How do you deal with that? I constantly think of possible reasons and what could have made him this way. It's do hard to move on not knowing

 

While not knowing why can really make matters worse on the dumpee, in all honesty, knowing won't help the moving on process a bunch. When knowing the answers, most aren't like "AHHH okay, that makes sense. Well that sucks I guess." When most know the answers, it will just create more questions and second guessing, which I feel, is MUCH worse than not knowing. Question EVERYTHING I did wrong because I knew why she left haunts me still. In this aspect, you could just think he was a douche and try to move on lol.

[FailedFirstLove]

Knowing would help set your mind on why it wouldn't work anymore I guess. I wouldn't mind remindin myself why he left and even if he came back it would end this way. And why can't guys just talk it out and attempt to fix things. Instead of just leaving as a way out. I hate been like this. I think about it all te time. Thinking of reasons and maybe ways of fixing it.

[LostOne1]

Well.. i think most people don't get closure and with time.. you realize you don't need it. You find closure yourself slowly and things make sense afterwards. But it takes time to analyse the relationship all the good and bad.

 

If they wanted to fix it.. they WOULD.. they wouldn't bail out. When someone bails out it means they DONT want to fix it.... if they did they would talk about it to fix it.

[Doicare]

this happened to me, within two weeks it went from I want to be with you, crying about how my gf missed me (she went on an internship for 2-3 months in another city) to her dumping me saying it wasnt working. she found another guy i eventually found out a year later after pining over the hope she would come back. had i known i would have much more easily moved on.

 

It could be another woman in your case. people kept saying that to me, she found someone else. I said no way. They were all right.

 

Honestly, if it is another woman, you dont want to be with someone like that. these people are insecure and will use you as leverage and emotional security to help themselves feel better, when that feeling starts wearing off they move on to the next (jumping from relationship to relationship), as they can never admit that the problem is themselves.

 

Im sorry, you must be in a lot of pain, but PLEASE trust me on this, there are much better relationships that will make you feel happy and secure as opposed to desperately hoping he will give you a little more love.... you deserve so much better than this treatment.

[th90]

Pretty much why they left us is because 1) have someone else 2) have fallen out of love with us 3) both.

 

Whatever the reason may be, I was dumped and told "I don't feel the same anymore". "Why?" I asked. He couldn't answer , just kept saying "it's not working" or just couldn't bring himself to tell me "there is someone else".

 

So here's my formula.

 

What if there is someone else?

Great!! Better now than later! (you know, with marriage and kids)

 

What if there isn't someone else? He simply fell out of love.

Great!! Better now than later!

 

What if he just wanted to explore? (Honestly there's only ONE thing he couldn't explore while in a committed relationship with me - other women.)

Again great! Better now than later!

 

In fact, this break up has given me an opportunity to learn (not gonna elaborate on that).

 

So whatever the reason may be, it doesn't really matter anymore. At times, I do dwell on it and start to overanalyze things again. But then it only brings me pain. As long as I can hold out, I don't think about it anymore.

[FailedFirstLove]

The last time we spoke he told me his not looking for anyone. But that could change right... I would be so heart broken than I am now if its possible if he did. I can't get over him. And my mind constnatly goes back and forth.

[FailedFirstLove]

What do you do in times of weakness... Like anniversary or New Years when you would have spent that together.

I just want to call him and cry or text him

Everything but that's not going to work. His probably out enjoying himself.

[th90]

What do you do in times of weakness... Like anniversary or New Years when you would have spent that together.

I just want to call him and cry or text him

Everything but that's not going to work. His probably out enjoying himself.

 

In times of weakness, I pray. And pray and pray. Till it pass.

 

It really depends on you. If you enjoy going out and hang out with friends, do it. If you wanna go shopping, do it. If you wanna go for a walk, do it. If you wanna work out, do it. Do any possible thing that you can INSTEAD of calling or texting him cos that'll only show him you're so weak, can't even handle a break up?

 

Take several deep breaths and calm yourself down. You can do it. Clear your mind.

 

Then decide what you're going to do. Ask your friends out for a drink. Whatever. Just find something to do. I'd say you make a list of things that you can do and do them when you're feeling down and missing him terribly.

[FailedFirstLove]

In times of weakness, I pray. And pray and pray. Till it pass.

 

It really depends on you. If you enjoy going out and hang out with friends, do it. If you wanna go shopping, do it. If you wanna go for a walk, do it. If you wanna work out, do it. Do any possible thing that you can INSTEAD of calling or texting him cos that'll only show him you're so weak, can't even handle a break up?

 

Take several deep breaths and calm yourself down. You can do it. Clear your mind.

 

Then decide what you're going to do. Ask your friends out for a drink. Whatever. Just find something to do. I'd say you make a list of things that you can do and do them when you're feeling down and missing him terribly.

 

 

 

Is it bad to show him that you miss him? I think at the beginning I've already looked completely pathetic. I couldn't help myself. I just had major panics and called and texted him when something bad happens I just want him there to just hear him. He was always by my side and never left me

[th90]

Is it bad to show him that you miss him? I think at the beginning I've already looked completely pathetic. I couldn't help myself. I just had major panics and called and texted him when something bad happens I just want him there to just hear him. He was always by my side and never left me

 

The moment he stepped out of the relationship, he can't give you the emotional support that you need anymore.

 

You need to show him you're stronger than he thinks you are. I understand that the panic attacks are horrible. Just few days ago, I gave into temptation to look at my ex's facebook and saw a status which obviously wasn't posted by him and it was obviously done by a female, you know, those with <3 at the end of the sentence. Had I not give in, I wouldn't have felt as if my heart just jumped out and started questioning and analyzing things again.

 

Instead of texting him, text your friends or family. Call somebody who can listen to you and give you sound advice. You need to save yourself some dignity while you still have some left. You'll start regretting all of this once your head clears out. Trust me.

[Harradin]

I know exactly how you feel, going through it atm.

 

My ex left me for my 'friend', completely out of the blue, a week before she found out that her parents were getting divorced and she was telling me how grateful she was that I was being there for her. The reason why she left me is unknown, even my mutual friends don't get why she did it and they told me she was a fool to break up with me.

 

But I've found keeping myself busy seems to be a good temporary fix. It does get easier as time passes, little by little, I have no urges to check her Facebook or anything.