Is It Possible for Somebody to be a "Good Catch" and Still Have No Success?

[FlyOverEstates]

I'm a 24 year old man whose never really had any success dating despite being above average or even well above average in all the superficial areas that people tend to be judged on. A lot of my friends and family are completely baffled by my lack of even a single girlfriend over the years as they feel that I do have a lot to offer. I feel like the biggest thing holding me down is that I have a very negative and low self esteem as it regards to dating and feel like I'll never find somebody. Even though people tell me I'm a good catch - I don't feel that way because I've been single for so many years

 

 

Any thoughts on this? Do you know people who would be considered a "good catch" who have had absolutely no dating success whatsoever?

[Minka333]

It is possible.

 

You might just be in the wrong time or place to meet someone who is a good match for you. Or since you said you have low self esteem, then some women may be catching your negative vibes.

 

It is important that you have innate confidence and joy since it will radiate on the outside.

 

But don't lose hope coz' you'll never know when that special person comes up. Sometimes they appear when you least expect it.

[Necromancer]

What i find so funny about this forum is that people pray that you need this inner confidence to be attractive to women. Then half of the forum claims to be shy\introverted.

 

I never see "shy confident people irl". The confident people i know are in 90% cases outgoing.

[CptSaveAho]

stop feeding people crap...

 

Logically... how can you be a good catch if you have low self esteem and have never dated/had a relationship

 

Its like me trying out for the nfl... sure I played soccer in college and a good athlete but will I make an nfl team... No. I have no experience.

 

The only way to get experience is to actually do it

[Kupo]

Maybe. If so, I'd assume they weren't displaying that very well or not to the right audience.

 

I do know a few people I think would be a catch overall, but who have problems with social skills or anxiety and haven't had success for those reasons. It's more a barrier to success than anything fundamentally wrong with them.

[MoonSiren]

Yeah you have to love yourself so that others will love you in return. If not, then you rely on the other person for self gratification and no one wants that job! Maybe focus on yourself for awhile and get some counseling to help your self esteem issues.

[TouchedByViolet]

Yeah you have to love yourself so that others will love you in return. If not, then you rely on the other person for self gratification and no one wants that job! Maybe focus on yourself for awhile and get some counseling to help your self esteem issues.

 

I disagree with this. In my youth I was always very happy with myself but had little to no dating success. Loving yourself is a good thing but definitely doesn't guarantee success. As you age and certain failures mount it can have a detrimental effect on personal happiness.

 

Also, I know countless examples of people with all sorts of personal and mental issues who have never struggled to find a significant other.

[El Brujo]

You're not a good catch unless you have money.

 

^That.^

 

Consider the example of a successful man (read: he has his s. together, not just rich) who has no interest in women. If it happens often enough, I can see how it could seriously mess up the bell curve.

[EasyHeart]

You're not a good catch unless someone wants to catch you.

[soccerrprp]

Very possible and happens much more often than you know. I have an ex. who is an awesome catch, but other issues keep her from having a healthy relationship....everyone has some baggage, right? But she is a real catch and I'm kind of surprised she doesn't have anyone yet...

[KathyM]

There are many people who are a good catch, but don't put themselves out there to meet someone, so they stay single and alone. Some people may be a great catch, but be a bit shy and introverted. Some people may have high standards in a partner and find the pickings rather dismal. Some people may have a smaller social circle and there isn't anyone who would be a match for them in that social circle. Could be any number of reasons why a person does not have a relationship, yet has a lot to offer.

[grkBoy]

I have a very negative and low self esteem as it regards to dating and feel like I'll never find somebody.

 

This right here is why you're not a good catch.

 

"Good catch" is more than looks, money, etc. I think there are many people out there and on this board who could be good catches if their personalities and attitudes didn't make them so ugly.

[carhill]

OP, ask those friends and family *why* they are baffled by your lack of success and *why* they do, if they do, feel you're a good catch. Then, ask *why* they aren't introducing you/mingling you with healthy potentials for yourself.

 

As far as the thread title goes, yeah, it's *possible*. Over time, though, it becomes less and less likely. As people mature and their parameters of attraction mature, generally a 'good catch' will begin to become attractive if it wasn't prior, increasing potential of success. At your age, mid 20's, it's a crap shoot, IMO. Considering your specifically shared psychology, that of low self-esteem particularly around dating, I consider that to be situational rather than global. Continue to build self-esteem and confidence in other areas of your life. Down the road you may develop a different perspective on this dating stuff and will come to appreciate the health you enjoy in the rest of your life. Health is a gift. Cherish it. Good luck.

[CarrieT]

I personally don't believe anyone is a good catch in their 20s - they are still figuring life and themselves. They may be great people, but they aren't fully gelled into who they are and what they have to offer another person until closer to their 30s.

 

Similar to what Carhill was explaining; life, love, and relationships look a LOT different on the north side of 30 and the options are much wider.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I think it's possible... I'm 22 and I think I'm a good ass catch but I'm not in a relationship

[Casablanca]

It is, I posted about a year ago about a girl I had a few dates and here is what I asked

 

"Recently I was going out with this one woman for a few dates; let's call her Jill. Jill is pretty, goal oriented, fun, low maintenance, great at conversation, confident, and perfectly suited to be brought home to mom, but for whatever reason I did not feel any sort of romantic spark. I enjoyed my time with Jill, and despite having chemistry and finding her attractive, I didn’t find myself attracted to her romantically.

 

Why is this? I usually don’t think much of this, but when I told her how I was feeling, she said something that made me ask myself this question. Jill thanked me for being honest and upfront with her and said “I’ve unfortunately had this conversation many times.” This caught me off guard, how could someone like Jill have these problems? She has also never been in a long or serious relationship, just short stints.

 

I’ve met women who are pretty and are fun to be with, but are just weird and/or socially awkward, but Jill isn’t like that. She doesn’t go for the bad boys and people won’t look at her like she is weird. She is not clingy, and is able to show the right amount of interest to let the man know she is interested.

 

So is Jill, and other people just not relationship material? Is there some unidentifiable characteristic that makes a person desirable to have a relationship with beyond the obvious? I don’t know, but I am starting to think there does exist some uncontrollable and unidentifiable characteristic that makes people attracted to each other on a romantic level."

 

Another thing she didnt have going for her is she is 6 feet tall, an inch shorter than me, but taller than a lot of men and I think that hurts her, but there is somebody for everyone and you'll meet someone, some people just have to search longer than others

[Nightsky]

Give it a few more years. If by 27 you still are having a horrible go at dating than time to evaluate your "good catch" status.

 

To me something that makes a man a "good catch" is not worrying about being a "good catch." The fact that you are here making this thread worrying or wondering about this points out an unattractive mindset.

[RR1]

I am beginning to think so. I am thiking that i may be slightly too picky. I can pretty much gaurantee that if someone likes me i will have absolutely no interest in dating them. and then if i meet someone i like you can also guarantee that they have no interest in me. I was besotted by last g/f, never ever been more into someone than i was her, down side was she didn't really feel the same way. It doesn't help that i only seem to occasionally meet someone i consider dating material.

 

I don't believe in settling for someone you are not really unto, it won't last, i'd rather wait for someone i'm really into or be single. Why be with someone who doesn't make you feel breathless, why settle for second best, i think some people are just terrified of being single. I would rather be in a relationship than be single it has to be said, but i would much rather be single than in the wrong relationship. You also need to apply this thiking to yourself as well, so while you should never settle for someone you are not totally in to you should also never be someone's second or back-up choice. You may be into someone like mad but if they are not totally into you by the same degree it's probably best to leave it, unequal relationships are not very successful. My last g/f and i was a classic example, i was crazzy about her, took myself out of dating circulation for the last four years (ok so it maybe slightly longer than that but if it's ok with you guys can we leave it at four just to save my feelings a bit) and she was never actually sure if she wanted me or not, yes she liked me well enough but i did get the distinct feeling she may have got slightly bored with me over time, this prompted her to start seeing new people and that as they say was pretty much that unfortunately. We still see each other because we do quite a bit of p/t work together and the work is quite specialist and she has demonstrated that she is really quite good at it so we are put together out of necessity so it makes sense to try and remain friends which we seem to be managing ok but it's still hard at times because obviously your feelings don't just vanish like that.

 

But yes i am beginning to think at times that i was meant to be single. Maybe that's the secret, perhaps i should just stop looking because as soon as you stop looking you always pretty much find what it was you were looking for.

[GirlontheLam]

What i find so funny about this forum is that people pray that you need this inner confidence to be attractive to women. Then half of the forum claims to be shy\introverted.

 

I never see "shy confident people irl". The confident people i know are in 90% cases outgoing.

 

They exist. I meet them quite often. But it is likely you don't notice them since they are not going out of their way to meet you.

 

Keep in mind, there isn't one type of confidence. People can be confident in one area of life but not another.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I'm a 24 year old man whose never really had any success dating despite being above average or even well above average in all the superficial areas that people tend to be judged on. A lot of my friends and family are completely baffled by my lack of even a single girlfriend over the years as they feel that I do have a lot to offer. I feel like the biggest thing holding me down is that I have a very negative and low self esteem as it regards to dating and feel like I'll never find somebody. Even though people tell me I'm a good catch - I don't feel that way because I've been single for so many years

 

 

Any thoughts on this? Do you know people who would be considered a "good catch" who have had absolutely no dating success whatsoever?

 

Yes. If they have everything else going on but the looks are below average, they could easily struggle mightily.

 

On the other hand, if you are good looking, but everything else is subpar, you'll probably do well.

[RogerWallace111]

Definitely possible. The term "good catch" is cheesy to the point i'm reluctant to use it, but I'm honestly a pretty f*ckin "good catch" and i am often frustrated with my relative lack of "success" with the ladies. I have a career in an artistic field doing high profile stuff that girls seem impressed by to the point i feel like a douche telling them, I know at least a good chunk of women find me very attractive, I make people laugh almost too much, I'm fit, I f*ck well, I'm more intelligent/perceptive than the average guy, and more (sorry if I'm sounding arrogant but I let it turn into one of those very affirming "what's cool/special about you?" exercises). Yet... I'm in my mid-twenties and have had only one real girlfriend (though that took up almost 4 years), and otherwise just short-lived series of hookups with few enough girls I could count them on two hands, with slack.

 

For me the issue is mainly this: Though I'm very confident and comfortable with myself in theory and around 98% of people, I have trouble really being myself with girls I'm really down with. In fact my one long term girlfriend may have never been in my life if I hadn't had multiple beers the night I met her and been in a particularly mackadocious mood. Not too far in, though, I was maybe more comfortable/myself with her than I'd ever been with anyone.

 

And like you, OP, I'm a bit on the picky side (personality, looks, all aspects). Which kind of blows because depending on your "catchiness" alone is only going to attract the girls who want you, and not the ones you want.

[El Brujo]

To me something that makes a man a "good catch" is not worrying about being a "good catch." The fact that you are here making this thread worrying or wondering about this points out an unattractive mindset.

 

A step in the right direction is to stop thinking of yourself as the fish who fails to be caught, and start thinking of yourself as the one that got away.