Having a rough night...

[HurtinUnit]

So my ex went to work tonight, just left a few minutes ago. He's been crying all day and we've been talking a lot. It's been too hard to tell him to phukk off and stay away. he's been my whole world for 3 years.

 

I leave tomorrow, and am planning on sneaking out before he even gets home to avoid a tearful goodbye and a potential "Please stay" drama mess. Fact is, I'm hardly strong enough to walk away if he does that. I think he might. he's been bawling all day and cuddling, reminiscing and telling me he thinks this is the biggest mistake of his life and the last thing he said to me was "I don't think I can let you go".

 

The thing is, I know he'll miss me, I know he's regretting his decision. It's not because he "loves me so much" though. It's because he's comfortable and I was a constant companion. The fact that I worshipped the ground he walked on probably didn't hurt either. Or doing his laundry, cooking his meals, making his lunches for work so he could grab that extra nap. Bringing him and his coworkers coffees when they wanted them.

 

I'm just sitting here watching the clock. I am going to miss him, I am still in love with him and I wish I could continue shutting my eyes to everything. I wish I could go back to that stupid state. Still be in denial and be with him but, I can't do it... I can't do this anymore. I wish he really loved me, but he doesn't and I HAVE TO GO.

 

Tell me I'm right PLEASE! Because to be perfectly honest, my resolve IS starting to crumble in the face of his tears and words, really it is. I'm starting to wonder if maybe he HAS realized that he does love me and wants me here. Part of me knows better but the delusional, hopeful side is trying to win over.

[HurtinUnit]

I am anything but cold... I am still deeply in love with this man, but he wanted me gone. He told me days before that he was done with me. He has already lost me once before... He has already cheated on me, I already forgave him once before.

 

The only difference between the last time and this time is that I am not begging anymore. I want to go because I don't want to be treated like the disposable piece of garbage he HAD been treating me as. I think he expected me to grovel and beg him to stay with me, love me...

 

This is the first time he's shown so much emotion, I just don't know how many chances a person deserves. I also feel that the only thing that could (if anything could) change his behaviour is if I do in fact leave him for good. He'll be better to the next girl, if I stay I feel things will just revert because he'll know no matter what I'll never leave him. That he can treat whom he wants, however he wants and nothing will ever happen.

 

Maybe you're right though. Maybe he does know and is scared now.

[HurtinUnit]

Thank you for your reply, something to really consider

[LostOne1]

I know how he feels.. I was in the same spot kinda of.. except I never cheated on my girl and NEVER would cheat. That's not something that's in me to do.

 

If he cheated on you.. then I have no sympathy for him. Because he knew what he was doing. And I would never give a cheater a chance.

 

Crying and all tells me 2 things. Either he can't handle you leaving him and he really wants you or he finds it is a way to keep you with him.

 

I also feel that the only thing that could (if anything could) change his behaviour is if I do in fact leave him for good. He'll be better to the next girl, if I stay I feel things will just revert because he'll know no matter what I'll never leave him. That he can treat whom he wants, however he wants and nothing will ever happen.

 

I think my ex felt that way possibly.. she told me something about I'll make the next girl really happy. And she is right.. I did learn from the relationship. But if she had given me time away rather than end it.. that would've helped too. The other thing is she never understood what I went through as well and why I had less contact with her for a few weeks. She assumed I didn't care about her, which was not true at all. But she ended it all and didn't even sit down to talk it out and let me give my side and for me to hear her side.

 

I can't tell you the right or wrong decision to make. I understand his feelings, but I don't support him, because if he REALLY did cheat.. then that's unfair to you. I loved my ex a lot and I'd NEVER cheat on her and I made her know that.. heck.. honestly I'm not the most good looking guy, so I don't know why my ex would worry. But when I commit to someone, then nothing can push me to break it or cheat. I wouldn't want someone to cheat on me, so I wouldn't do it to them.

 

Though at the end of the day.. I think my ex cheated on me and left me for this new guy. Hurts.. but it's life I suppose. Life is all about good moments and sad moments.

[LostOne1]

 

She convinced herself of all the things you've stated, and regardless of whether you love him, you've become rebellious, not prepared to emotionally understand that he loves you...

 

when the words "i love you, please don't leave" leave his mouth, the words "i treated you wrong, and I will never change" enter your ears, literally.

 

You're at the stage my ex was at when she left me, you're given up, you haven't got a single argument left in your body, he cheated on you, treated you wrong in 1001 ways, now you resent the relationship...

 

 

Sounds EXACTLY like my ex.. It was like when I TRIED to explain why I had low contact she wouldn't accept or have any of it. It's as if she didn't want to listen and that her decision was final.

 

If I said I loved her.. she would say well I don't love you anymore. I'd never seen her so cold towards me EVER.

 

And I agree my ex seemed to have given up, which is why she wouldn't hear me out or anything. Just blocked me out totally and even when I knew she still had feelings for me, she would lie and say no. I only found out when one day she broke down finally and said yeah feelings don't just vanish.

 

I'll be honest.. if the guy didn't cheat on you.. I'd really say don't leave him and work it out with him. But I don't support cheaters so it's hard to support him.

 

But I will say, I wished my ex sat down and talked it out with me. We spent 3 yrs and she cheated on me and left me the week of our 3rd anniversary and it was tough as hell. It was as if the most important day to her meant absolutely nothing. If you REALLY love this guy... talk to him and if you want a real change.. take some space for both of you away for a week or two. You both will miss each other and realize what your love really means.... and I promise it will make you both stronger in the relationship.

[HurtinUnit]

I don't know what to do... The actual cheating took place well over a year ago, and he actually left me for her... I've given him so many chances. I'm not the silent, let it build up type, I'm pretty vocal about when I'm feeling neglected and unhappy. It just went on deaf ears...

 

I still want to be with him, so badly that it physically hurts me. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. When he said he was done with me and he wanted me gone, I didn't even book a ticket out of here until late the next day. I told him to really think about it, I told him I didn't want to walk away from everything we've been through. Finally I asked him if what he REALLY wanted was for me to be gone, he said yes.

 

I mean I sat there with my laptop for over an hour with the cursor hovering over BOOK TICKET hoping he would change his mind. He didn't, until now.

 

I don't know, I just don't want to stay here for another three months and find him in the bathroom texting and calling this new girl again.

 

UGHHHHHHHHHHH

 

I need to get ready. This whole day could have just been emotional vomit and he could just as easily come back and say "Have a great trip and don't let the door hit you on the way out."

[HurtinUnit]

Thou shalt not fall - I have read your posts, from top to bottom. I appreciate your input very much and truly wish that I felt it were the case. If he were to come home in the morning telling me to Please not go and work on this chances are I would stay in a freaking heartbeat. But then, I have no self respect right now.

 

I have already waited on him, I already have given him time away to miss me and appreciate what he had with me. he got that over a year ago. Do men need this every year or something?

 

Also I took offense to the sh*t about me having fun in new sexual positions in a few months. I LOVE this man, I have zero intentions of dating period if or when this ends. I understand that this won't be easy for him if I leave but I did not ask for this. I did not end things with him. HE LEFT ME waited until I purchased plane tickets and then started the tears.

 

I am not cold, I am not over this and I have not checked out. I did not break up with him, I have not been thinking about this for months, I have been sitting here thinking "Gee I love this guy, gee I hope someday we'll get married and have babies" BAM he's got a secret phone friend and he wants me gone. WHO CHECKED OUT HERE???? Or thought they did anyway... I would love to work things out with him. I just don't want to be his doormat anymore.

[HurtinUnit]

Thanks Gravity, my bags are packed and I'm ready to hit the dusty trail. I actually hope he does want me gone. I think it would hurt less somehow.

 

I do have to double check stuff, thanks for all the replies...

[ItxWillxGetxBetter]

I don't know what to do... The actual cheating took place well over a year ago, and he actually left me for her... I've given him so many chances. I'm not the silent, let it build up type, I'm pretty vocal about when I'm feeling neglected and unhappy. It just went on deaf ears...

 

I still want to be with him, so badly that it physically hurts me. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. When he said he was done with me and he wanted me gone, I didn't even book a ticket out of here until late the next day. I told him to really think about it, I told him I didn't want to walk away from everything we've been through. Finally I asked him if what he REALLY wanted was for me to be gone, he said yes.

 

I mean I sat there with my laptop for over an hour with the cursor hovering over BOOK TICKET hoping he would change his mind. He didn't, until now.

 

I don't know, I just don't want to stay here for another three months and find him in the bathroom texting and calling this new girl again.

 

UGHHHHHHHHHHH

 

I need to get ready. This whole day could have just been emotional vomit and he could just as easily come back and say "Have a great trip and don't let the door hit you on the way out."

 

I think you should leave hurtin. I'll be honest with you...what you are doing takes a lot of courage and will power. You are a lot stronger than I am. If I was in your situation I wouldn't be able to leave so I give you the utmost respect. Your reasoning is correct. You are in a situation that you must leave. IF and that's a big IF...you guys are to work things out you need to leave so that you can heal yourself and he can fix whats wrong with him. If you stay you are just going to perpetuate the cycle again. There is no consequence to his actions if you stay. Just be sure that when you leave its for you to heal and for you to get some clarity on the situation. Right now your emotions are clouded and you definitely need the distance to figure things out. Don't leave thinking that maybe he will realize what he lost and want you back. Do this for you as you do deserve better! Who knows...maybe you leaving maybe the best that has happened to you guys. Maybe when you leave he gets clarity and realizes what you had and if you guys were to reconcile later down the road the relationship will be a lot stronger.

[LostOne1]

I don't know what to do... The actual cheating took place well over a year ago, and he actually left me for her... I've given him so many chances. I'm not the silent, let it build up type, I'm pretty vocal about when I'm feeling neglected and unhappy. It just went on deaf ears...

 

I still want to be with him, so badly that it physically hurts me. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. When he said he was done with me and he wanted me gone, I didn't even book a ticket out of here until late the next day. I told him to really think about it, I told him I didn't want to walk away from everything we've been through. Finally I asked him if what he REALLY wanted was for me to be gone, he said yes.

 

I mean I sat there with my laptop for over an hour with the cursor hovering over BOOK TICKET hoping he would change his mind. He didn't, until now.

 

I don't know, I just don't want to stay here for another three months and find him in the bathroom texting and calling this new girl again.

 

UGHHHHHHHHHHH

 

I need to get ready. This whole day could have just been emotional vomit and he could just as easily come back and say "Have a great trip and don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Like I said earlier.. if the guy never left you before and never cheated on you.. I'd support his side more.

 

because then I kinda understand his position. The difference is with me I NEVER once left my ex or cheated on her. So in that sense I always feel I deserved a chance. But I feel your ex had his chance and he messed up.

 

I would say.. leave for a bit, but maybe see how he is in a few weeks. Maybe you will notice change in him later. Sometimes we need to LOSE the ones we love to make our selves better. My ex left me and it has changed me quite a bit. I just feel like I wanted to grow up for once and just be super strong and just as good and mature as I can be.

 

Maybe one day she will see it.. maybe some day your ex will mature and maybe one day you;ll see it too.Wish you best of luck which ever way things go.

[LostOne1]

:lmao:The women in this thread...

 

As if there's any doubt to the fact that she's going to leave...

 

There's few things us men truly understand about you women, one of those things is that when you reach a point of seriously considering breaking up with us, and your reasons start to overpower the most important part of the relationship... "love"...

 

At this stage, you have already left us, emotionally, all that's left to do is physically walking out of the door, the rest is already done, the damage is done and there is NOTHING us men can do to change it.

 

Stop acting like there's a decision to be made in this matter, hurry up and break his heart already, the sooner you do the sooner he can get over it, no reason to add insult to injury.

Gotta agree.. I think when someone is going to leave someone else. They have already gotten past the emotional stage and just have to go through the stage to do it and usually it's easy to do so, because the mind is already made.

[Shim_kattty]

The truth is no one elses sob story here should influence your decision. If you just look at all the pain & heartache you've endured, you can see that leaving is the best decision. These men are narcissistic & you sticking around to endure more torture would only mean that you were nothing short of a masochist. But you are strong. I like that about you & this could open so many doors for you & allow you to grow into an even stronger person than being oppressed by him. He had his chance, multiple. Now it's your turn. Do this for you because if it's out of spite, you'll regret it.

 

Best Wishes

[HurtinUnit]

Thank you all so much for the replies, help, best wishes and support. It means a lot to me and I'm sure I will be on here the next few days and be needing more...

 

Thou - You know, you did not, in any way, help his case. You hurt it after your first post. You tore me a new one and accused me of not loving him or wanting him anymore. For just a moment you had me believing that I am the monster here...

 

You mentioned that this heartless ex of yours was your first love. That you do not deserve to be cast out without yet another chance. Well, let me enlighten you. This was your first love. You are 21.

 

You have not been in love with someone yet who has taken massive steaming dumps all over you.

 

The next time you fall in love (It most likely will happen to you again) and you treat that girl like the perfect little princess she is, make her dinner, rub her feet, tell her how much you love her every single day. Just imagine how wonderful this is, you wait on her hand and foot.

Then...

One night you are making her favourite meal (like you always do) and you have it all timed perfectly so that when she gets home from work itès waiting on the table for her. but wait, she does not show up. You make excuses for her and finally she comes home. She had to work late, poor princess. She rushes into the shower apologising, eats your meal and exclaims how tired she is. You both fall into bed and you curl up into her.

 

You then notice she has been hiding her email from you and, wait, what? Her phone too. You continue to ignore this because she's your perfect little princess.

 

Time goes by... Things get stranger, more late nights, a trip wth a girlfriend you don't know, she grows distant. One day she accidentally leaves her email account up and you see rows of emails from some guy named Frank. You can't help but notice the subject line says "Hey babes"

You look more closely and realize this is her new lover.

 

You then remember the late nights at work and how she instantly had to shower when she came home EVERY time. You then realize that your perfect princess is someone else's dirty little whore. That every time she jumped in the shower it was to erase the smell of sex from the skin that you curl up to, that you touch, that you love.

 

You picture it with every gory detail, someone else's junk in her mouth, her perfect lips wrapped around some guys thing. The lust that's been lacking for you directed to someone else. This can't be though, because you've treated her so right. You've loved her so much. You have to confront her, let her explain the mistake and remove the images burned in your mind.

 

You confront her, teary eyed and disbelieving. She says they are just friends but you are suffocating her and she's leaving you. That's that. you beg for her forgiveness, tell her you'll be better. She agrees to work on it with you but really, behind your back, plans on moving out. You don't even see it coming.

 

5 months down the line you are still grieving, still loving her despite what she did to you. Trying to move on and almost making it, except, wow there she is on your door step. She's telling you how wrong she was and stupid. You were the right guy. You are thrilled! You take her back with open arms.

 

Of course you only do this if you believe women deserve the chances men do. For some reason, I don't think you would. Pardon me if I am mistaken.

 

So you take her back, and as it turns out she is moving across the country and wants you to be there too!!! She leaves, you carry on a LDR for a few months before giving up everything you own, your job, your friends, your family and you up and move to be with her because you think she's just that amazing.

 

Turns out she has met someone else and has been chatting to him this whole time. You only find out months down the road though.

 

Of course when you find out she tells you to go back to where you came from. After you spend your own money on a plane ticket and days weeping and wondering why you aren't good enough, and why you aren't worth anything to her, why you don't deserve her love and what makes this new person so much better than you... Well she wants you to stay after all! She's just made another petty little mistake.

 

... Do you take her back????

 

You know, I actually have you to thank the most, you and your infinite knowledge on all that is love. Thank you for helping me to relive all the pain he has caused me, for remembering what he has put me through...

 

I sincerely hope this DOESN'T happen to you. If it does though, I really think you'll be changing your tune.

[crashvector]

I am anything but cold... I am still deeply in love with this man, but he wanted me gone. He told me days before that he was done with me. He has already lost me once before... He has already cheated on me, I already forgave him once before.

 

The only difference between the last time and this time is that I am not begging anymore. I want to go because I don't want to be treated like the disposable piece of garbage he HAD been treating me as. I think he expected me to grovel and beg him to stay with me, love me...

 

This is the first time he's shown so much emotion, I just don't know how many chances a person deserves. I also feel that the only thing that could (if anything could) change his behaviour is if I do in fact leave him for good. He'll be better to the next girl, if I stay I feel things will just revert because he'll know no matter what I'll never leave him. That he can treat whom he wants, however he wants and nothing will ever happen.

 

Maybe you're right though. Maybe he does know and is scared now.

 

How many chances do you give him?

 

Consider this:

 

 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

 

 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

[Gottabestrong]

There's few things us men truly understand about you women, one of those things is that when you reach a point of seriously considering breaking up with us, and your reasons start to overpower the most important part of the relationship... "love"...

 

Not sure what you are missing here, but the facts are: HE broke up with HER. He did not ask her for a second chance. He is just crying saying he will miss her. He is not asking her for a second chance. She is not the one leaving him. He is the one who kicked her out. She would love to stay if he asked her to, but he is not. Stop making her feel guilty for something that is not in her power.