Delphiem Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Hello!! My Wife has asked that we try a trial seperation.We have been married for 10 years and together since high school. She has told me that she has been depressed and has been feeling smothered. We have had a rough times but it seems this time has been the worse. I have taken our marriage for granted and her in the past,I feel I should of communicated and been there for her more.I have been doing a 180 in our relationship. there is always that fear that its too late. She has told me she has a lot of anger towards me and it frusrates her that im trying now. I'm really hoping this will help grow our bond together and leave the past behind us. I want us to love again. I'm a little worried how the seperation will hinder our fincial obligations. As our finaces is a big problem in our relationship. She has been a stay at home mom we have two children 7 and 5 she has pursuing her eduction for the last Eight years and switching majors a few times. I been very supportive of her. She just recently graduated but is unable to find work in her field.this has made her very depressed as she felt that she wasted so much time for nothing. She decide to go back to school in feb and get a more promising degree. I asked her if she could find a part time job while the kids are in school to help a bit, but she explained it will be to hard on her to be a parent and work while going to school, I do understand her point of view as I work 10-12 hour a day and do not get home till after the kiddos bed time. I'm worried that this might make our finacial goals worse then they are and put more stress upon us that it will make matters worse or even how to decide how to plan a seperation into our budget. Im also worried that she is trying to run away from her problems and put blame on something else for her unhappiness.I will give her her space,it will be hard as I still need to stay in contact to make plans and spend time with children.im hoping it will not draw us apart. I'm trying to stay positive around her and do the 180, but it is hard a part of me wants to talk about our problems and try to understand more why she want this seperation. But it seems to frustrate her more as we communicate about it. Any advice it greatly appricated.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 we have two children 7 and 5 I'm a little worried how the seperation will hinder our fincial obligations. Can't help but wonder why you worries don't center around the effect of a separation on your kids? The finances usually work themselves out... Mr. Lucky
Author Delphiem Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I'm sorry as I cut pasted and revised that a few times. That I left a few thing out I'm very worried about how this will effect my life with the children, I hate the fact I will not be waking up them or tucking them into beds. We talk and agreed I'm free any time to come over pick up the kids from home and school.as there so young we been telling them I have been going to work very early. We still have family days planned and still sticking with our normal routines. I'm still trying to be in there loves as much as I can while not being at home. It will be hard since I still will have everyday contact with my wife. I will stating very positive around her and ouround my children. I do not want any negative emotions to unfold in front of them.
Balzac Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Out of curiosity, what is her "second degree" and how many years is her plan to completion? How old is your wife? Truthfully, I'm not seeing how a separation gets you back into a workable marital relationship.
Mr. Lucky Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Do you have any access to MC? It often takes help to unravel these long-seated resentments and communication seems like a challenge for you already. It would also give you a forum to discuss some of your financial concerns. What do you think your wife hopes the separation will accomplish? Any chance that, through school or work, she's developed an interest in someone else? Mr. Lucky
standtall Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 del...in my opinion, a trial separation is just a gentle way of saying she is leaving...which leads into my standard post for guys like you. Married women with minor children...and no job....rarely check out of marriages unless. 1. Physical/emotional abuse by you. 2. Mental illness by either party. 3. Drug/alcohol abuse by either party. 4. There is another person involved...either with you or her. Since there are no absolutes with human behavior, then this list is not absolute...there are other reasons...emotional abandonment(which includes too much xbox, too many beer buddies, etc), so I would say pick your poison.
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