MissLY Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Men, lets say you've been dating a woman for a couple months and all is going well. Then all of a sudden you pull away and become distant for a couple weeks. But after that, you come back, tell her "I miss you" and everything is back on track again. This is what happened to me. Why do men do this? Are there any particular reasons as to why men feel the need to pull away? Is it to re-assess the relationship or is "alone time" needed? All thoughts welcome
sweetkiwi Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Because they don't like you as much as they initially thought. Lots of things are being projected on both parties. Then the glitter wears off and you think, "crap". 2
NoMoreJerks Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 ^ but why would they come back if they didn't like you as much as they thought they did?
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Childish games. Honestly, they are leaving you then coming back. Basically they feel like they can; they don't like you like they thought...but their second option didn't work, thus, they come back.
ThatJustHappened Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I highly recommend reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It SO helped me understand. 2
Quiet Storm Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Because men don't like to feel controlled. Even if you aren't actively doing anything to control them, their feelings for you can make them feel that they are losing control, which scares them. They back off for a little bit, to regain their independence, but they'll come back. This is very normal, very common. Just give him a little space, and he will come back all affectionate and loving. Don't push it, that is the key. 2
CptSaveAho Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Because men don't like to feel controlled. Even if you aren't actively doing anything to control them, their feelings for you can make them feel that they are losing control, which scares them. They back off for a little bit, to regain their independence, but they'll come back. This is very normal, very common. Just give him a little space, and he will come back all affectionate and loving. Don't push it, that is the key. This is not a good thing....He has no interest in being attached.... He's a user
edgygirl Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I highly recommend reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It SO helped me understand. ˆˆˆThis book really explains it very well! 1
tigressA Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 This is not a good thing....He has no interest in being attached.... He's a user Agreed. If I were dating a guy and he went cold on me with no explanation, I would not be around for him to come back to. Real, grown-ass men are not fraidy-cats who can't deal with their feelings for a woman and need to vanish for a time to get their bearings. Why in the world are men so often given a pass for not facing up to their emotions in a way that doesn't hurt and confuse others? 1
Jamesblame Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Maybe the relationship started off as casual but became too serious too fast. It's not your fault....going away for weeks is a bit extreme, but I go through periods where I debate between enjoying the closeness and then wanting my space, and not being sure whether i feel safe committing my emotional being into their hands.
Author MissLY Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Let me explain what I meant by my guy being "distant". I don't mean he disappeared for a couple weeks without a word. I meant, that for a couple weeks, he wasn't his usual self. So for instance, instead of contacting me everyday, he was in touch every other day or every 2 days. So he was less in contact, but didn't fall off the face of the Earth. Just thought I'd make my situation a bit more clear.
Jamesblame Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Let me explain what I meant by my guy being "distant". I don't mean he disappeared for a couple weeks without a word. I meant, that for a couple weeks, he wasn't his usual self. So for instance, instead of contacting me everyday, he was in touch every other day or every 2 days. So he was less in contact, but didn't fall off the face of the Earth. Just thought I'd make my situation a bit more clear. Oh, well then that's just normal guy behavior. Honeymoon chemistry starting to lessen its effect on him so his normal life is coming back into the picture. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you as much as it means that his priorities are starting to reprioritize into a more normal pattern.
mortensorchid Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Yes, I think we all like our "alone" time. Sometimes you have been without someone for so long that you almost don't know what to do with yourself once you are paired with someone. I really don't know why guys do this, though, save for the fact that they feel that the glitter has worn off and do they want to be with you for the long haul (or longish haul). If he comes back, then he comes back. But if he gives you some kind of line then you have to rethink things with him. SOrry, but that's the rules.
Maneater Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I think men get freaked out either when women are too clingy and expect too much or when THEY realize they fell in love and do not know what to do about it. Usually for most men it is the first reason. If he comes back w a good explanation then I do not see too much of a problem w it but more than that, then it is an ongoing issue. Hope that helps!
ChessPieceFace Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Agreed. If I were dating a guy and he went cold on me with no explanation, I would not be around for him to come back to. Real, grown-ass men are not fraidy-cats who can't deal with their feelings for a woman and need to vanish for a time to get their bearings. Why in the world are men so often given a pass for not facing up to their emotions in a way that doesn't hurt and confuse others? You don't know anything about the situation or people in question. You're also obviously a man-hater. You're quick to trash someone else's relationship (that's very common on here) since there's nothing at stake for YOU. You just pop on to someone's thread and arrogantly state "OMG he's a pig end it", get your personal attacks against men in for the day, then go off to troll some other site. And if someone is stupid enough to take your "advice" their real-life relationship could get wrecked. Seriously OP, the advice on this site is usually terrible. So many people giving horrible advice based on the fact that they have no empathy or understanding. Why did he get distant? I don't know, no one here knows. The Mars/Venus book would be a much better idea than expecting anything intelligent on this forum.
Sugarkane Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Vanishing is rude- no matter what gender you are. You could be a tranny but it's still very rude. You don't know anything about the situation or people in question. You're also obviously a man-hater. You're quick to trash someone else's relationship (that's very common on here) since there's nothing at stake for YOU. You just pop on to someone's thread and arrogantly state "OMG he's a pig end it", get your personal attacks against men in for the day, then go off to troll some other site. And if someone is stupid enough to take your "advice" their real-life relationship could get wrecked. Seriously OP, the advice on this site is usually terrible. So many people giving horrible advice based on the fact that they have no empathy or understanding. Why did he get distant? I don't know, no one here knows. The Mars/Venus book would be a much better idea than expecting anything intelligent on this forum. 1
tigressA Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I was going off what was said in the OP--the poster later clarified with remarks that ideally should've been in the original post, saying that he didn't 'vanish' but just wasn't as communicative as usual during that period. Now knowing what she actually meant, I would agree with those who say it's not a big deal. Everyone goes through periods where their relationship isn't as high of a priority and it gets back-burnered somewhat. I just went through this in my own relationship. If people want accurate advice they should be as accurate as possible in their OPs. My two cents.
movingon12 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Re: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I was initially sceptical, but I ended up reading it many years ago and (the first half at least) is really good. Definitely helped my understanding of the way men generally think and as a result a LOT of unnecessary arguments have been avoided since.
phineas Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Let me explain what I meant by my guy being "distant". I don't mean he disappeared for a couple weeks without a word. I meant, that for a couple weeks, he wasn't his usual self. So for instance, instead of contacting me everyday, he was in touch every other day or every 2 days. So he was less in contact, but didn't fall off the face of the Earth. Just thought I'd make my situation a bit more clear. Hard to say. For me, I don't call a woman just for the sake of touching base. I call to make a date & if we are actually BF/GF I call when I have time to talk. Did he mention he was doing more? Maybe he needed space? Every day contact over the phone is really silly to me. I prefer meeting in person. worst case, maybe he met someone else & was seeing her also & it didn't work out so he came back to you. But don't go on the warpath over something I have no way of knowing.
Casablanca Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Men, lets say you've been dating a woman for a couple months and all is going well. Then all of a sudden you pull away and become distant for a couple weeks. But after that, you come back, tell her "I miss you" and everything is back on track again. This is what happened to me. Why do men do this? Are there any particular reasons as to why men feel the need to pull away? Is it to re-assess the relationship or is "alone time" needed? All thoughts welcome Means you were plan B for him in this situation
Recommended Posts