crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I woke up a little while ago (yeah, I know its after 12PM, but hey...at least I didnt dream about her) and thought to myself: "Wait a minute. She said she would text me next week or so, so that I can come get my stuff from her house when she won't be there. That's *MY* stuff! Why should I have to wait until SHE'S ready for me to go pick up my mountain bike that I paid $2,400 for?!" I know its not much, but perhaps its the first little tiny sign that maybe I'm going to start healing now? Thoughts?
iBerry Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Good that you didn't dream of her. If your breakup is fairly new, then the next stage after grief is anger. Totally normal. Yes, why does she get to break up with you and then call the shots as to when you can pick up YOUR stuff.
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It's the stages of grief that you will encounter during a breakup. One minute sadness, then anger, then back to sadness, then hurt, then acceptance, then back to sadness...you get my drift. It will come in random waves. Never necessarily in order. Going through the grieving process is what moves you forward into your healing. 2
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 It's the stages of grief that you will encounter during a breakup. One minute sadness, then anger, then back to sadness, then hurt, then acceptance, then back to sadness...you get my drift. It will come in random waves. Never necessarily in order. Going through the grieving process is what moves you forward into your healing. I dont know what happened. I just woke up and felt like...."She broke my heart and unilaterally decided to end the relationship that BOTH of us were in all by herself. Why the hell should she get to call the shots on when I am ALLOWED to go collect my $2,400 mountain bike that I absolutely love, too?! I could care less about anything else I brought there...but I want my bike so I can go ride the thing and try to get my mind off of this terrible, AWFUL pain I am in."
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I dont know what happened. I just woke up and felt like...."She broke my heart and unilaterally decided to end the relationship that BOTH of us were in all by herself. Why the hell should she get to call the shots on when I am ALLOWED to go collect my $2,400 mountain bike that I absolutely love, too?! I could care less about anything else I brought there...but I want my bike so I can go ride the thing and try to get my mind off of this terrible, AWFUL pain I am in." It's normal, Crash. My last relationship, I caught my ex having sex with another woman in his driveway this time two years ago. I was devastated. A week of laying in darkness just sleeping and three days later, I was enraged and wanted my stuff back and was on a mission. Two days later back to dragging myself off the floor. It will come in waves. But best to hold on to that anger when you can. It's empowering. Best to get your stuff back leaving nothing behind to talk about. Sever the ties, if you can and "stuff" always keeps you somewhat hanging on.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 It's normal, Crash. My last relationship, I caught my ex having sex with another woman in his driveway this time two years ago. I was devastated. A week of laying in darkness just sleeping and three days later, I was enraged and wanted my stuff back and was on a mission. Two days later back to dragging myself off the floor. It will come in waves. But best to hold on to that anger when you can. It's empowering. Best to get your stuff back leaving nothing behind to talk about. Sever the ties, if you can and "stuff" always keeps you somewhat hanging on. I am not angry. I could never find it in myself to be angry at a woman that I loved so much for so long. Its more like....part of what hurts is that I had no control over what she did to me. It took both of us working hard to keep our relationship...but she ended on her own, and took any say-so away from me. Getting into and maintaining a relationship take the willingness of both partners to work and compromise and consult with each other. ENDING a relationship just takes one person's decision. The other person's opinion doesnt matter. It just feels like I would be taking back SOME degree of power to tell her "I would like my bike back sooner than when YOU feel like letting me get it." Despite what everyone has seen here from me, I am not so weak that I have absolutely NO dignity or self-respect. How can the woman respect someone that allowed her to dictate to me literally ever detail of our breakup? So i still love her? That would be an understatement of galactic proportions. Would I like to be able to maintain SOME shred of dignity amongst having my heart broken like it has never been broken before? yes, if its possible. What do YOU guys think about a simple text that said "I would like to retrieve my Kona before next week, as I think I REALLY need my bike right now to help me."
Divasu Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I woke up a little while ago (yeah, I know its after 12PM, but hey...at least I didnt dream about her) and thought to myself: "Wait a minute. She said she would text me next week or so, so that I can come get my stuff from her house when she won't be there. That's *MY* stuff! Why should I have to wait until SHE'S ready for me to go pick up my mountain bike that I paid $2,400 for?!" I know its not much, but perhaps its the first little tiny sign that maybe I'm going to start healing now? Thoughts? Maybe she doesn't want to be there when you collect your things? But yes, those of your items so you should be free to collect them anytime you choose. Go get your bike and ride, ride like the wind!
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I think you can just send a text and say that you would like to collect your belongings at this time/date, otherwise to please let you know when would be appropriate time that works for both. Everyone has to deal with stuff after a break-up and contact is inevitable. It doesn't define your self-esteem or dignity. It's just tying up loose ends and moving on. Sounds callous but quick and fast is best.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Maybe she doesn't want to be there when you collect your things? But yes, those of your items so you should be free to collect them anytime you choose. Go get your bike and ride, ride like the wind! My bike saved my sanity when I was FORCED to divorce my ex wife. I rode it SO hard that I would sometimes literally fall off of it out of exhaustion. Hell, I actually got a speeding ticket on it one day when I on my way to the trail that I normally ride, and was especially upset...never knew you can get a ticket for speeding on a bike. I wouldnt be asking her to go inside the house for the rest of my stuff...i just want my bike out of the shed. Yes, she told in the conversation where she ended things that she did not want to be there when I got my stuff...although I guess I don't get that. SHE ended the relationship...why the hell would it be so hard for HER to see me go when she's the one that WANTS me gone?
Divasu Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 My bike saved my sanity when I was FORCED to divorce my ex wife. I rode it SO hard that I would sometimes literally fall off of it out of exhaustion. Hell, I actually got a speeding ticket on it one day when I on my way to the trail that I normally ride, and was especially upset...never knew you can get a ticket for speeding on a bike. I wouldnt be asking her to go inside the house for the rest of my stuff...i just want my bike out of the shed. Yes, she told in the conversation where she ended things that she did not want to be there when I got my stuff...although I guess I don't get that. SHE ended the relationship...why the hell would it be so hard for HER to see me go when she's the one that WANTS me gone? Things I never knew (getting a speeding ticket for riding a bike too fast, ha.). As to your last paragraph, I don't know all the details of your relationship and I can't answer that question since I am not her. I think you should get your bike though, you'll feel better once you do.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Things I never knew (getting a speeding ticket for riding a bike too fast, ha.). As to your last paragraph, I don't know all the details of your relationship and I can't answer that question since I am not her. I think you should get your bike though, you'll feel better once you do. yeah, I was surprised at that, too. I heard the cop turn on his siren, and I was confused because, well...most bikes don't exactly have a speedometer on them..ESPECIALLY not a mountain bike. Made the conversation kinda of strange: "I pulled you over for speeding" "WHAT?! Speeding?!" "Yes, you were doing 7 mph over the limit on a city street." "Look, I'm just on my way to the trail. I've been going through some REALLY hard times, and I just need to get to the woods and clear my head." "Bicycles are considered vehicles by law, and you are required to honor the speed limit." "I understand. Can we just please just make this quick...I'm not in a good place right now and I REALLY need to get out there." As far as messaging her to ask if I can retrieve my bike, I am kind of conflicted. I dont wanna make her mad at me (why I'm concerned about this I have no idea) but at the same time, I REALLY want my bike.
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 As far as messaging her to ask if I can retrieve my bike, I am kind of conflicted. I dont wanna make her mad at me (why I'm concerned about this I have no idea) but at the same time, I REALLY want my bike. I'm not clear. She has already mentioned to her family in Alaska and ended the relationship but you are afraid to ask for your bike? You're afraid to make her mad because you still want to look favorable in her eyes. Or you're afraid if her response is come get it, that will set finality to the situation.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 you're afraid if her response is come get it, that will set finality to the situation. This....sadly. I still miss her SO much...and my MIND knows I need to let her go...but my heart is still ACHING for her and absolutely refuses to accept that she's gone.
Divasu Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 yeah, I was surprised at that, too. I heard the cop turn on his siren, and I was confused because, well...most bikes don't exactly have a speedometer on them..ESPECIALLY not a mountain bike. Made the conversation kinda of strange: "I pulled you over for speeding" "WHAT?! Speeding?!" "Yes, you were doing 7 mph over the limit on a city street." "Look, I'm just on my way to the trail. I've been going through some REALLY hard times, and I just need to get to the woods and clear my head." "Bicycles are considered vehicles by law, and you are required to honor the speed limit." "I understand. Can we just please just make this quick...I'm not in a good place right now and I REALLY need to get out there." As far as messaging her to ask if I can retrieve my bike, I am kind of conflicted. I dont wanna make her mad at me (why I'm concerned about this I have no idea) but at the same time, I REALLY want my bike. Well, I hope he let you go with a warning. I wonder what the fine would have been. You need to get your bike. That's it, end of story! Just say: "I know you said you didn't want to be home when I collected my bike, but the bike belongs to me so I am coming by on x, y z and will be collecting it with or without you there".
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 This....sadly. I still miss her SO much...and my MIND knows I need to let her go...but my heart is still ACHING for her and absolutely refuses to accept that she's gone. I know how you feel. But look at it this way. The finality is her ending it and informing her family of her decision. You can't get any more "final" than that. The bike is just a bike. You need it to ride. Don't place so much weight on what it means when she says to come get it when in the grand scheme of things, you know it has ended. Go get your bike and start riding.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Well, I hope he let you go with a warning. I wonder what the fine would have been. You need to get your bike. That's it, end of story! Just say: "I know you said you didn't want to be home when I collected my bike, but the bike belongs to me so I am coming by on x, y z and will be collecting it with or without you there". how pathetic am I?! I picked up my phone three or four times to send the text, and my hands were shaking, so I didnt do it. This is such a terrible feeling...
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 how pathetic am I?! I picked up my phone three or four times to send the text, and my hands were shaking, so I didnt do it. This is such a terrible feeling... You're not pathetic. Don't do that to yourself. You're heart broken and you've just lost a someone you love. If you can't do it now, then wait. Maybe wait a few more days or a week and send a text. Sometimes feeling a little more settled on your feet will help you through it. Everything is still too fresh and raw.
Divasu Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 how pathetic am I?! I picked up my phone three or four times to send the text, and my hands were shaking, so I didnt do it. This is such a terrible feeling... Don't worry about it. We've all been there.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 You're not pathetic. Don't do that to yourself. You're heart broken and you've just lost a someone you love. If you can't do it now, then wait. Maybe wait a few more days or a week and send a text. Sometimes feeling a little more settled on your feet will help you through it. Everything is still too fresh and raw. It feels like she DIED...except I know she's still alive. She's alive and is simply CHOOSING to be gone.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Don't worry about it. We've all been there. Thank you, but I feel SO ashamed of myself. I have faced down men TWICE my size in the ring and felt not one moment of fear. Yet, this tiny woman scares the HELL out of me. That tiny woman who has my heart in her hands.......has been able to hurt me more than ANY fighter ever could.
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It feels like she DIED...except I know she's still alive. She's alive and is simply CHOOSING to be gone. They say that suffering a break-up is equivalent to grieving death. It does feel like they died along with your soul. It's hard to accept the whys, especially when they choose to be gone when in your heart and mind, things would have been so great. That's the most difficult to come to terms with.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 They say that suffering a break-up is equivalent to grieving death. It does feel like they died along with your soul. It's hard to accept the whys, especially when they choose to be gone when in your heart and mind, things would have been so great. That's the most difficult to come to terms with. yes. yes it is
geegirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Thank you, but I feel SO ashamed of myself. I have faced down men TWICE my size in the ring and felt not one moment of fear. Yet, this tiny woman scares the HELL out of me. That tiny woman who has my heart in her hands.......has been able to hurt me more than ANY fighter ever could. Emotional wounds are much more painful than physical. This woman doesn't scare you. It's your emotions for her that scare you.
Mr.White Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Keep the text polite and unemotional. Think of all other possible things you might want or need later on as well. I am glad you are going to take care of yourself physically. I am in the same boat as you and felt like my ex jsut gave up on the relationship but if it is not meant to be it is better sooner then later. Try and find some way of acceptance and it will help you move on, I just found mine and I am feeling the happiest I have been by myself.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Emotional wounds are much more painful than physical. This woman doesn't scare you. It's your emotions for her that scare you. They say were are only able to love as much as we are able to hurt. At least I now have proof that I loved her a God-awful lot. We took ballroom dance lessons together every Friday at noon. Our dance instructor contacted me on FB yesterday evening. He said "I didnt ask because its too fresh, but you can see it on her face that she's hurting too...so at least know that she cares." Cares about WHAT? She cares about her OWN heartache...not mine. One thing is for sure: she's not hurting so bad that she can't get out of her house and go to dance lessons and tell the instructor she broke up with me. I can barely get off the SOFA much less leave the house this is hurting me so bad. Yeah, so you can see it on her face that she's hurting too. So she's able to hide it well enough that you have to "see it on her face". Anyone that saw me right now would say "WTF happened to YOU>!" BOTH of my eyes are now blood red from popping blood vessels from crying so hard. Nose bleeds, throwing up....etc. she's at ballroom dance lessons without me...something we did together EVERY week for 5 years. My favorite song has always been "I've Got You Under My Skin" by Frank Sinatra. We used to dance the FoxTrot to that song all around the ballroom...smiling at each other...exchanging kisses as we danced...etc. I'll never be able to hear that song ever again. But...hey...at least SHE's doing well enough to go to dance lessons without me :*(
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